Thieving twats

#1
Just had a phone call from my aunt, my mum who has been having some pretty intense cancer treatment over the past 3 months has just had her shed broken into. She's so ill that she can't even drink water and has been hospitalised at one point during her treatment for over a month, just so they can get fluids in her.

She's a chef when she's able to work and has now discovered that her knives have gone walkies so now she's worrying about paying for them when/if she is fit enough to go back to work. She's worked her entire life and has very little to show for it and now some cunt has decided that what little she does fucking have is better off in their hands. I suspect kids because of some of the other stuff stolen and they will have no idea of the value of what they've got. If they don't use the knives to stab each other they'll just use them as saws and axes until they get bored.

It fucking infuriates me.
 
#2
1) Put an ad in the windows of local newsagents/corner shops/chav hangouts saying you want a set of chefs knives.
2)when the scrote presents himself fill the little Cnut in.

this method has had literally some success!

simples.
 
#3
1) Put an ad in the windows of local newsagents/corner shops/chav hangouts saying you want a set of chefs knives.
2)when the scrote presents himself stab the little cunts with the same knives they stole.

this method has had literally some success!

simples.
Fixed.
Simples.
 
#4
1) Put an ad in the windows of local newsagents/corner shops/chav hangouts saying you want a set of chefs knives.
2)when the scrote presents himself fill the little Cnut in.

this method has had literally some success!

simples.
Have you never heard of eBay???
 
#8
Just had a phone call from my aunt, my mum who has been having some pretty intense cancer treatment over the past 3 months has just had her shed broken into. She's so ill that she can't even drink water and has been hospitalised at one point during her treatment for over a month, just so they can get fluids in her.

She's a chef when she's able to work and has now discovered that her knives have gone walkies so now she's worrying about paying for them when/if she is fit enough to go back to work. She's worked her entire life and has very little to show for it and now some cunt has decided that what little she does fucking have is better off in their hands. I suspect kids because of some of the other stuff stolen and they will have no idea of the value of what they've got. If they don't use the knives to stab each other they'll just use them as saws and axes until they get bored.

It fucking infuriates me.

What do you want? A fucking charity single to be released, Lenny fuckin Henry round the house to tell some jokes or some insurance claim forms?
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
#11
Why were they in the shed?
It's where I keep the ones I need for my extra curricular activities along with the chloroform, black/nasty, shovel and black plastic sheeting. The others are kept in the kitchen drawer as usual.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#12
A tragic tale and a sad indictment of our times. But since we are talking sheds, I have for sale:

1 spade. Plastic handle.
1 garden fork. One of those cheap B&Q jobs with cast tines. Piece of shite to be honest.
Trowels. Several. In an interesting variety of colours. Some broken.
Lawn mower. Small. Orange. Electric. Another piece of shite. Grass bag missing.
String, tin cans, half empty bags of mortar which have gone solid.
A nice set of kitchen knives. Plastic handles.
Old dolls bus pass valid until 2018.
Shed padlock. Broken.

Cash or swap for a jet-ski.
 
K

Kirkz

Guest
#13
Just had a phone call from my aunt, my mum who has been having some pretty intense cancer treatment over the past 3 months has just had her shed broken into. She's so ill that she can't even drink water and has been hospitalised at one point during her treatment for over a month, just so they can get fluids in her.

She's a chef when she's able to work and has now discovered that her knives have gone walkies so now she's worrying about paying for them when/if she is fit enough to go back to work. She's worked her entire life and has very little to show for it and now some cunt has decided that what little she does fucking have is better off in their hands. I suspect kids because of some of the other stuff stolen and they will have no idea of the value of what they've got. If they don't use the knives to stab each other they'll just use them as saws and axes until they get bored.

It fucking infuriates me.
What infuriates me is people posting shite for no reason.
What do you expect to gain from a bunch of pissed up aging old cunts spread all over the globe who spend what little time they have left chatting bollocks on a vaguely military website?
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#14
What infuriates me is people posting shite for no reason.
What do you expect to gain from a bunch of pissed up aging old cunts spread all over the globe who spend what little time they have left chatting bollocks on a vaguely military website?
Fuck off you heartless bastard. The man might want to buy a garden rake. Or a set of kitchen knives. Or the contents of a sick old birds underwear drawer. Some of us have items of this nature for sale.

See our eBay shop for details.
 
K

Kirkz

Guest
#15
Fuck off you heartless bastard. The man might want to buy a garden rake. Or a set of kitchen knives. Or the contents of a sick old birds underwear drawer. Some of us have items of this nature for sale.

See our eBay shop for details.
Any chance of a link to the shop?
I'm looking for a set of good quality chefs knives.
 
#17
It's where I keep the ones I need for my extra curricular activities along with the chloroform, black/nasty, shovel and black plastic sheeting. The others are kept in the kitchen drawer as usual.
I'll wager there's more crimes attached to the 'others' in the kitchen draw.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#18
Any chance of a link to the shop?
I'm looking for a set of good quality chefs knives.
Check your PM's. We have a lamp post decorated with floral tributes if you have need of one? Random teddy bears with notes pinned to them are included at no extra cost. Or click our Wooton Easter Spectacular and receive a free garden rake, a bunch of fat bikers and a fondue set.

Offer ends midnight on Easter Monday. Terms and conditions apply. The term 'fat bikers' is generic. Bikers come in all shapes and sizes. Other forms of transport are available. Some bikers may be homosexual. This does not imply that all dead bikers are faggots. Although I have noticed bikers like to help out when the gay boys are short-handed.

Fuck me. You try to flog a stolen garden rake and suddenly you are knee deep in gay bikers. I should have listened to me Mam and become a vicar.
 
#19
It's where I keep the ones I need for my extra curricular activities along with the chloroform, black/nasty, shovel and black plastic sheeting. The others are kept in the kitchen drawer as usual.
I remember just after Monica Seles had been attacked by a knife wielding lunatic there was a joke, admittedly in dubious taste, which went thus:-

Q. If you keep wine in wine cellars and beer in beer cellars, where do you keep your knives?
A. In Monica Seles.
 
#20
What infuriates me is people posting shite for no reason.
What do you expect to gain from a bunch of pissed up aging old cunts spread all over the globe who spend what little time they have left chatting bollocks on a vaguely military website?
Oi, I fucking resemble that remark. Dammit.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
wotan Multinational HQ 6
CardinalSin The Intelligence Cell 112
stoatman The NAAFI Bar 12

Similar threads

Top