Thieving Bastards

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by jagman, May 11, 2013.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Got a pleasant phone call from one of my drivers at 04.30 this morning
    He'd arrived at work to find his van a bit noisey, on further investigation he noticed the exhaust lying on the floor.

    Some thieving bastard has been in overnioght and stolen the catalytic convertors off five of our Sprinters
    Abourt £15,000 worth of damage.
    I'm now sitting in the office waiting for the world to get out of bed so I can try and find five refrigerated hire vans before Sunday night.
    On the plus side. I did get to wake our CEO at 05.00 on a Saturday morning

    As this is Arrse I thought some of you might relish the oppurtunity to laugh at somebody else's misfortune.....
  2. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Can you not just look on eBay for someone selling 5 of said items locally?

  3. They haven't been listed yet!

    They are worth £300 apiece scrap, cost of repair can be upto 10 times that.
    £2000 to hire five replacement vans, if I can get them before we need them at 02.00 on Monday morning
    • Like Like x 1
  4. The people who do this use a chain pipe cutter. These things are designed to cut pipe.
    Get some one to tack weld two bits of angle iron at 180 degrees to each other on the exhaust pipe.
    This is supposed to deter the sluts
    • Like Like x 1
  5. That happened at my last job to our Sprinter box van, the little cunt apprentice had arranged it with his chav mates as well but it couldn't be proven.
    I now work for a contract vehicle company & it's not an irregular thing for us there either, there's precious metals in Cats & don't the thieving twats know it!
  6. Our CEO decided that Catlocs weren't worth the expense across the entire fleet, i think he's changed his mind today.
    Looks like we are getting a nightime security guard this week

    Sitting waiting for recovery x5 and the hire company to open
  7. Replace the cats, lie in wait with zip ties shot guns and drills.

    Do what needs to be done.B

    low torches and pliars are handy too. Put them in a gibbet on the neasrest A road, word will soon get out.
    • Like Like x 2
  8. That's cause you lot have 'thieves honour' amongst yourselves.
    • Like Like x 5
  9. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Maybe the thieves are from the van hire place to ensure your custom!
    • Like Like x 1
  10. In this more enlightened part of the world he would have been "invited" to a meeting. A portable cooker would have been lit, a wok would have been placed on it, cooking oil would have been poured into it and brought to sizzling point. A couple of onions and a couple of cloves of garlic would have been finely sliced in front of him and then put in the sizzling wok.
    He would then be informed that his left ball would be cut off him in quarters and a quarter at a time placed in the wok and cooked, he would then eat the quarter ball. The process being repeated until he was ball less.
    If he wished to maintain his wedding tackle in good order he had five seconds to give the names of his thieving friends. They would then be picked up and the process repeated, this time the requirement being payment for new parts plus a huge fine plus payment for the cooking oil, the onions and the garlic.
    This method works exceedingly well.
    • Like Like x 1

  11. Are you running on Euro5 yet?
    About £300 worth of platimum in a Sprinter cat, some thieving git made themselves £1500 out of us last night.
    It's cost somewhere between £12,000 and £15,000 to put right though
  12. Penny wise pound foolish sums up the CEO.
    Insurance? Or did he follow the above model there too?