Theyre coming to take me away ha ha!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by SuperTrooper, Sep 3, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Whilst working I have recently met some right nutters walking the streets of London. The other day I was walking to my station when I saw this geezer, who was well dressed, looked quite sensible. As he got closer I saw he was speed reading a bible and mumbling in tongues. The other day I had a nice conversation with another gent who told me that he had been taken by aliens who had programmed him to gather intelligence on us earth folks. Years ago these people were locked away safely in dark dungeons but our so called care in the community means they walk amongst us. So be afraid, be very afraid!

    Has anyone met a right nutcase. If so tell us about the most 'boxes of frogs' one here.

    Anyone who feels they may be abducted soon can visit this site and make themselves a thought screen helmet. They must work as I've been wearing one after drinking 12 Stella and I am skullfecked! Can raise a thought at all :D

    For those who want to try some abductions themselves try:
  2. We arrested a bloke who was convinced he was a werewolf for his own safety. 3 AM in custody he's stark b*llock naked, squatting on all fours on the custody desk, growling, foaming at the mouth and howling.

    "Sit down Fido." Says the custody sgt.

    Call the doctor and the approved social worker to take him to secure hospital. Doctor pointed out, helpfully, "that there was a full moon tonight."

    Also dealt with an Russian ex-paratrooper suffering (badly) from PTSD (was still wearing his stripey T-shirt). He had drunk several litres of vodka and had his service Makarov under the seat of his car. He was very, very, scary. The poor lad he pointed the pistol at was taken over the road to a pub by his sgt. and given a very large brandy, which was in the days when we took welfare seriously.

    You meet a lot of strange people in The Job. Some of them are even to be found outside of the police station.

  3. I'm always being offered redemption as I walk through Bunhill Fields, I seem to be a nut magnet, I can get on an empty bus and the nutter gets on at the next stop and sits next to me :(

    My reply now to those who offer me the guarantee to spending the afterlife in the Lords House is I’ve already been invited to the party in the Devils Den :D they just huff, mumble and walk off praying for my poor condemned soul!

    Beebs (I'll be bringing the nibbles ;))
  4. We can share a red hot pitch fork if you want beebs. Can I brand my name on yer arrse :D
  5. I detained a woman once who said that God lived in her Zippo lighter and that she'd burn me with Holy fire.

    After some more rantings, she tried to.

    Imagine her disappointment when the Zippo wouldnt light

    " WHY O WHY LORD" she howled as we put her in the van.

    Very strange
  6. Also available for pets :|


  7. I was nearly accosted by those loons trying to convince me the Church of Scientology is for me!

    they are using good looking women to lure me into their lurches! Nearly worked as well, had I not had a quick w@nk before going out!