THEM vs the US Revolution

Inspired by the USMC vs Redcoats thread- 'THEY' (the whole regt) falls through a time warp to 1777 on a mission to make the future a better place and strangle the misbegotten giant in its cradle :wink: Whaddaya reckon then? George washington picked off by snipers? The continental armies food suplies destroyed by sabotage? Do we call the result West Britain or North mexico?


War Hero
Commanded by Lord Cyril of Clunge I suppose? Ye Olde Bravoe Twoe Zeroe would be a good read.

"My Lords, I have the honour to report that operations in the thirteen colonies have been brough to a most desirous conclusion. Verily did I snurgle through the backwoods visiting great slaughter on Rebels and Ragheads alike using a double of tap from mine 9 milly musket. On occasion was I forced to use mine Sykes Fairburn SF Claymore, laughing like a daemon as I did so.

May I also recommend Sir Dinger of Basildon and the Hon Johnny 'Two Shakoes' Byron as being worthy of your Lordships attention.

Verily do we know repair to Ye Olde Boathouse to await the invention of paint.

God Save The King".


Strange events went on in the late summer of 1775. The Continental Congress (an organisation which relates to the Contintental Army like the political leadership of Sinn Fein does to the IRA - but is more honest about it) had just appointed a whole bunch of senior officers to lead the rebel rabble against the British. But before they could start campaigning they strangely all died... :?

Major-general Artemas Ward, died when hit by a .50 calibre rifle round and was dead before he hit the ground. The round was fired from three miles away.

Charles Lee, was knifed while in the privy. The SAS corporal who did it would for ever be known as "Johnny Two Sheets" (One for scraping, one for polishing...)

Philip Schuyler, was found in bed with his mistress, a sheep. After stringing up Major General Schuyler, the detachment proceeded to set the sheep free, but not before inserting Philips fifth limb into the back of the sheep.

Israel Putnam was yachting before going on campaign at Bunker Hill. Being a defector, Putnam was kidnapped and interviewed by OC Pink Sqn of 'The Regiment.' After divulging valuable information he was set free by the SAS who were dressed in Red Coats. Putnam was then picked up by the Contintal Army's provost branch and never heard of again. Thus the seed of discourse was set free in the rebel forces.

Brigadier-generals Seth Pomeroy, a former gunsmith and British soldier was bound over a cannon which was then set off. Bits of Pomeroy were found over a mile away...

Richard Montgomery, for ever ill and weak was found in bed. A patrol from Pink Squadron dressed as nuns (Montgomery was Oirish and would instinctively trust Catholic penguins) went to care for him. After some muffled screams and gasps, a bunch contently smiling nuns were seen leaving the premises. The patrol was led by Eugene Gaye, formerly of 3 PARA Support coy...

David Wooster, killed by lieutenant Jeeves of Posh troop, Pink Sqn while enjoying tea in the lounge. General Wooster, an intelecual, was found three days later. His butler had thought the good general was reading a book. But Lt Jeeves had poisened the pages. So when Wooster licked his fingers to better pick up the pages, he slowly poisened himself...

William Heath, Was found dead in a moor. Minus his lower body. That was found over a moor. Up in a tree.

Joseph Spencer, a judge. He was kidnapped from his office and dressed in his robes. He was then released into the Hartford prison of his native Connecticut. A few days later he was found in bed with a man named Bubba. Spences didn't die, but was for ever unable to ride a horse or be around a large number of men again. He became a nun.

John Thomas, was a doctor by profession. He was also a morfine addict since he was found with an overdosis in his blood. The blood was no longer circulating at that time...

John Sullivan, served as a soldier, lawyer and governor -or 'president' of New Hampshire. He was killed when somehow a large bear entered the hotel where he was staying.

Nathanael Greene. A likeable man who rose from private soldier to Major General. He nonetheles died a strange death. Famous for his quote "I am determined to defend my rights and maintain my freedom or sell my life in the attempt." He was asked to visit his ill father at the latters foundry in Rhode Island when he was accidently hit on the head with an anvil. Three times.

All were summarily despatched in the course of a few days. The colonial uprising was thus sniffed in the bud. India was never part of the Empire, Victoria was empress of the America's (Mexico was defeated a bit later and Texas and California were added to Her Majesty's American posessions) and the North Atlantic became a British Lake.


Where was 49Para?Balooning..