Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by dorsetgeorge, Jul 13, 2009.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. The long haired CO woke me at 0100 to say there was someone downstairs, having consumed a few large measures of Mr Jameson's finest it took me a few seconds to switch on. I leapt out of bed and went screaming downstairs like a fucking banshee on speed to see the tail end of the little scrote fly out the front door. Barefooted and half naked i chased him up the path but he obviously is a contender for the 2012 sprints. Couldn't catch the little toad and couldn't chase him in the car due to Mr Jamesion's visit earlier. To give the old bill much deserved a dog handler was on the door in minutes and went off to search for the little bastard, sadly to no avail. I described the actions I would have taken had I got my hands on the basta-d and the nice policeman suggested it would not be a good idea. I am now pumped up and unlikely to sleep for a while so a cup of tea is in order. Rang Banks and Credit cards companies all who were fantastic except Barclays which was overseas and the system was down and therefore could't cancel my cards. They also couldn't order me new ones and suggested i go to the bank in the morning, what a bunch of twats. Edited for spelling
  2. Good job scaring the heck out of the little bastard... maybe he will think twice before breaking and entering again.
  3. unfortunatly it scared she who must be obeyed even more so no one is getting any sleep.
  4. I recall a similar story in Devizes a few years ago where an OAP Major chased young scrote from house naked and brandishing a captured nip samurai sword.

    Did you lose much? How did the little barsteward get in? Its times like these you feel like wiring your doors and windows to the mains.
  5. Both my wallet and Long Haired COs purse with approximately 180 quid and 30 euros, all credit and debit cards, driving licence and the main pisser about two hundred quids work expenses (reciepts) which i may not be able to claim. We obviously heard them quite quickly as there was a very expensive camcorder, digital camera and two phones in the living room that they didn't take.. Didn't think to arm myself with sword (have one in the bedroom) or truncheon (Issued at the watchdogs rest in Belize circa 1985) just flew downstairs. I am sure it was not a pretty sight me half naked and full of Jamesions and anger.
  6. msr

    msr LE

    So will you lock your doors in future?
  7. Why didn't you creep downstairs quietly to catch him? Did you want to disturb him so you wouldn't have to confront him?
  8. Doors were locked, he got in through a very small window with a wooden venitian blind and a prickly bush next to the window. He must have been fuck-ing small.
  9. Why didn't you creep downstairs quietly to catch him? Did you want to disturb him so you wouldn't have to confront him?
  10. Was going to point out that you where woken up at 01:00 but posting at 00:52 and accuse you of either being a victim walt or a timetraveller, but read again and noticed that mr jameson had been round, a man who like his good friends Glen Moranjie and Jack Daniels has helped a few of us lose all sense of time.
  11. Would strongly suggest you swap truncheon and sword for a 7 cell maglight. Grabbing said weapons shows premeditation, however when asked in court about standing over the remains of a bloody pulp of young scrote you can say:

    " I picked up a torch to see what I was doing (may need to go outside etc...) he then came at me and I defended myself with the first thing at hand".
  12. Why didn't you creep downstairs quietly to catch him? Did you want to disturb him so you wouldn't have to confront him?

  13. I was woken up by a frightened woman beside me and in the heat of the moment ran downstairs to try and confront the little shit. Your suggestion that i didn't want to confront him quite frankly pisses me off. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but you Sir are a cock.
  14. Fair one. I was only asking.
  15. Just checked and the post time now is 0656 but in Dorset it is 0856 perhaps I ma a time lord after all.