The wrongest thing in all the World.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bernoulli, Jan 9, 2007.

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  1. We were in a restaurant in Rio recently, a restaurant that as the evening went on became more and more infested with whores working the tourist trade. They were like starlings on a telephone line - every time you looked around there were half a dozen more sitting there.
    In this restaurant were an American guy and his two teenage sons, who left with three whores. Bearing in mind that this was just before Christmas, we all thought that the old boy was a jolly bon oeuf, what with whoring up his two lads for Crimbo and all. Mind you, that didn't stop us giving him sh*t as they had to run the gauntlet and pass our table, calling him a deviant and a dirty auld c*nt. :D
    A little later, it occured to us that they might be going for a spit roast or closing down one of the chicks to ZULU ALPHA, and the consensus was that exeperiencing ball-slap, touching moist tips or crossing swords with your dad while going threes-up on a whoo-er is officially the Wrongest Thing In The World. We did discuss, extremely briefly, how wrong it would be if you ended up with your dad's warm manfat running down your balls, but decided that was just off the wrongness spectrum and gave the matter no further thought (Unless you live in the more picturesque parts of Cornwall, where such things are not considered infamous, and indeed in such circumstances one's mother would be at hand to lick her husband's seed of her son's ball sack, as would any mother with twelve toes, goiter and a wall eye..)
    Can anyone on here come up with a better definition of absolute wrongness?
  2. Hi Bernoulli. I thought I knew you from somewhere. Actually, that was my son and his gay pal Lester. After we left the restaurant with the three whores, we proceeded down to the hotel swimming pool where someone suggested that we get naked.

    Not one to miss an opportunity, I immediately proceeded to strip down to my tiger stripped underwear. As I sunk into the warm embrace of the waters, two of the whores swum up to me and asked if I wanted to get my dick sucked.

    I hesistated for a moment. But only for a moment. A few seconds later, the blonde whore was under water. She reached into my pants and took my manhood into her mouth.

    I felt Lil Boy hardening into a rod of steel. She came up for air and suggested we go up to my room. As I opened the door, I felt her boobies rub against my chest.

    "Oh yeah" she moaned,"you are so strong." I grunted passionately and scooped her into my arms.

    "Take me!" she said. "Take me now!"

    I pushed her roughly onto the silky smoothness of the bed. I mounted her from behind as fireworks started in the distance.

    As my dick slid into the moistness that was her reproductive organs, she let out a yelp and screamed, "Wrong hole , you fecking idiot!!"
  3. Fair one, D-D, but you have not answered my admittedly rather rhetorical question: what can be wronger than the feel of your dad's wrinkled sac rasping against yours while power-dogging a whore?

    Just to help you out, here is a further list of things you shouldn't even try once:

    Straddling your gran to give her a massage, and having her fart up your arrse
    (This actually happened to an half Chinese aquaintance of mine when he was fourteen- had to give venelable glandmother a massage, and while sitting on her arrse she let one rip that wafted up his crack.. 8O )


    Seeing how many coins you can fit behind your eyeball.

    Joining the RAF

    Drinking the ichor out of the skull of week-dead corpse.
  4. Having mom join in the action. She hasn't been right since she got pregnant by that 13 year old boy.

    If I ever get my hands on him, I swear I'll tear his arrse apart.

  5. Mum giving you a hoop dhobi? Performing analingus on your Grandad? Felching your Sister after your Dad's rodded her ricker? Deepthroating your Grandmother's strap-on? I'm sure it could get a whole lot worse than just twos up with your dad, sickening though that may be...
  6. In three years in Brazil, admiteedly in Sao Paulo rather than Rio, never heard the like of two-generation spit roasting although the place does seem to encourage its guests to share its liberal attitude to affairs of the heart (and loins).

    I know of one Aussie guy who got his son, on request, a hooker for his birthday. He didn't join in but did 'audition' the brass in question. Among richer Brazilian families, where live-in maids were the norm, it was far from unusual for parents to employ a nubile young Bahian maid to help junior along a bit in his development.

    I hope the place was well-lit as I can think of at least one way this scenario could get even more unhealthy: Brazil has its travestis akin to the Thai katoeys...
  7. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

    Now there is another revolting possibility..

    Using a Brazilian Travesti as the barrier method whilst doing your Dad!!!!!!
  8. Rio's theme tune ceaes to be The Girl from Ipanema, replaced by The Old Man with an Enema...
  9. Where do we stand on Zoophilia or banging animals. My housemate at Uni had a truly revolting party trick when pished which involved smearing his semi on in strawberry jam and getting his pet sheepdog to lick it clean. He was a a true deviant pest and we were convinced he had bummed the canine.

    He managed to degrade one bird he pulled in the union bar so much that she fled the house mid session crying. Whilst I can applaud the heteroness of treating the doris in such a way can it be right to shag all creatures great and small?
  10. It's far better (and less dangerous for ones' codpiece) to place said jam on it and proffer it to the sheep wot is guarded by the dog.

    You get some nice frilly wool to hold and if said sheep is not sucking hard enough, turn her (or him) around and place in wellingtons (yours).

    Let's take this a step further - suckling lambs! oooooohhhhhhwwwwrrraaaaarrrgggggghhhhhhhhh (splish, splatter) ooooaaarrggghhhhhhhh (splash) ooooooooorrraaggaghahahhahaaha
  11. On being called a sheep-shagger by an Aussie, a Kiwi mate of mine retorted that he'd heard kangaroos were better because they jumped back harder...
  12. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

    You really need to get your farmyard reaction drills sorted Giblets.

    A dog will try and lick off the jam with its tongue.

    A sheep will try and suck your member into its mouth (which is great)

    BUT it will then try and grind it to bits with its molars.

    Still, ................the choice is yours :)
  13. Yeouch! I choose going back to lammikins then . . . no teeth yet!
  14. Ozgerbobble, your not back on the old "My Housemate" stories again are you? How is your pet slack arrsed sheepdog Border Collie these days anyway? :wink:
  15. After a few beers one night i went home to what i thought was my room to be blinded by the sight of my old man squating over my mums head with his todger in her mouth balls slapping on her chin while she played with her self. Thing is it didn't register who it was at first and got quite aroused. Now thats wrong