The Wrong Hole...

#1
Ex Donkey Man's post in the "Why do Feckin Wimmin..." thread got me thinking:

My mate insists that he once chucked one up his lady-friend's hoop by accident (she cried, apparently) - so has anyone actually genuinely made that mistake? Would be interested to compare the number of gen ones with the number of people who've simply used the excuse...
 
B

Bottleosmoke

Guest
#2
Oh yeah.............Never do doggy when sneaking off during a BBQ!

It was the ex Mrs BoS so I dont really care but at the time I thought I had killed her!
 
#3
I was seeing some smashing bird from Reading (well, just outside Reading actually). One night we went back to her gaff after a night on the lash, snuck upstairs (she lived with her nan, who didn't like me, quite rightly), and the usual foreplay ensued, followed by a good old fuck-fest. I had her bent over the bed, and I was kneeling on the floor pounding away when she let out the most horrific noise! It was like someone skinning a live woman (I'd imagine?) I stopped right away wondering WTF was going on, and a slightly concerned. She lay on the bed in a fetal position sobbing a little (I quite liked that), then went fucking apeshit! I really had no idea that I'd smashed it up her hoop, and it was a genuine mistake, but she wasn't having any of it.

Nor was her Nan who opened the door to find me starkers sporting a semi. The old cunt.
 
#4
I have made it a couple of times, when I was younger but never more than about 3mm of mistake thou! I always use the excuse that it has one eye, but can't see fuck all!
 
#5
I'm not looking forward to Jarrod's contribution to this thread....
 
#8
Even by accident any woman I have cared about has said whooooa wrong hole cowboy. I have honourably retreated, then mounted the guard, the signals sword has found its rightful home.
 
B

Bottleosmoke

Guest
#9
I was seeing some smashing bird from Reading (well, just outside Reading actually). One night we went back to her gaff after a night on the lash, snuck upstairs (she lived with her nan, who didn't like me, quite rightly), and the usual foreplay ensued, followed by a good old fuck-fest. I had her bent over the bed, and I was kneeling on the floor pounding away when she let out the most horrific noise! It was like someone skinning a live woman (I'd imagine?) I stopped right away wondering WTF was going on, and a slightly concerned. She lay on the bed in a fetal position sobbing a little (I quite liked that), then went fucking apeshit! I really had no idea that I'd smashed it up her hoop, and it was a genuine mistake, but she wasn't having any of it.

Nor was her Nan who opened the door to find me starkers sporting a semi. The old cunt.
I cant be arse with highlighting the facts but that, Ladies and gents happens when you do em up the wrong un accidently. Apart from the nan thing as that is partciluar to his story but I concur with the howl..............Its like a a banshee.....................a banshee who has just been done up the hoop!
 
#11
Been there, done that, accidentally on purpose. She squealed like a stuck pig and wouldn't let me anywhere near her for a good few days after that. All in all, it could've gone better...
 
#12
Many moons ago the ex wife and her new fella turned up on my door step demanding more maintenance money.

As she spends money like a sailor, which he eventually found to his cost, this wasn't unexpected.

His brave pills didn't work and he left the shouty bit to the ex, which was wise, as they'd disturbed me mid kebab and I was getting annoyed.

Her parting shot was that I was many bad things (too bad to repeat on here obviously) and a freak.

"I'm a freak? You're the one that loves it up the arrse".

I'll never forget the guilty panicked look on her face, and the look of betrayal on his. He was teetering on the verge of tears and to show my sympathy I laughed my fkn head off.

I could hear them arguing in the car for about a hundred yards.

It still makes me laugh to this day.
 
#13
Yeh, I'll bet that's not all he did. She'll be fucking ruined now, after Smudge and Spaz have battered on her puckered starfish.
I was in the car too. She'd have probably put out, but I was hanging from a rather large night before, so was happy to go home to my bed.
 
T

Taffd

Guest
#14
A young lady in NAAFI quarters says one night to Charlie - 'You're in the wrong place'

All innocence, Charlie replies - 'This is your room innit?'
 
#18
There's no reason whatsoever not to kick her back door in, no need to break her rusty sherrif's badge in gently either, just knock her out at the first hint of resistance.
She'll have to get used to it and reduces the mileage on her clunge, after all you marry one with a neat mouse's ear and end up with a ragged wizard's sleeve soon enough.
Once she's got the hang of it you can ask your mates back after rugby matches, it wouldn't be sunday without a sunday spit roast now would it?
 
#19
Remember folks - a spit roast just isn't complete without a high-five.
 
#20
I've used that excuse licking a girl's shitter. But that's because I like licking girl's shitters.
 

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