The worst weapon you ever did a course on.

#2
L85A1.

I'm here all week - try the fish, thankingyou.
 

chrisg46

LE
Book Reviewer
#3
SLR - Bloody heavy, long thing, only has a 20 rnd magazine, and wont fire auto. Piece of crap should never have been accepted for service

**Runs for cover, and dives into nearest trench**
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#6
Oerlikon 30mm.

Fun to use but more complicated than a very complicated thing. **** having to ever reload one under fire. Gimme a 20mm Gambo any day of the week.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#7
A toss up between the 3.5" rocket launcher and the Vickers watercooled 303.
On balance, probably the 3.5. awkward to carry, a nuisance to put together and fiddly connecting the bits of wire to bomb. Add to that, when fired it had a tendency to dip as the bomb travelled along the tube and could land 3ft in front of the firer. The bomb, that is.
The Vickers was just fiddly in loading and keeping water topped up, otherwise it could fire all year, but not the most portable of creatures. And a swine to clean.
 
#10
The mess cannon we converted across from fuel/air to charge bag granules and powdered magnesium. I was ten yards away and still have the shrapnel scars on my leg and my eyebrows grew back like pubes.


I do think we got a bit more distance out of it though.
 
#11
The suicide vest course was easy to pass !


Sent from paradise with my 72 virgins.
 
#14
Did anyone manage to hit anything with the Spartan L37 Cupola, without having to hose down the range while testing and ajusting like a pissed-up fireman?
 
#15
The Patterson water purification unit. Strictly speaking it wasn't a weapon. However bear with me. A long time ago in a small but filthy country called Belize, my lickle section of Engineers had to support a company of Jocks somewhere near the Guat border, cos the Guats were spoilin for a fight and they kept threatening to invade little Belize. They even had a radio propaganda station: "Breetish soldieers cwhy you dont go horm to yur luved unes fur chreestmas. Our armee is cumming overr thee burder weeth ur machetes to keel you".

OH YES ******* PLEASE.

Ahem. I digress

The Jocks had a support tail like the Russian Third Shock army. There was REME, AAC, Royal Arse Hortillery, some civvies working for (ministry of public building and works(?), RAF, a regiment of caterers, and the whole rag, tag and bobtail.

And my lickle section were busy running river patrols with assault boats for the jocks and THEM, repairing roads and bridges, giving Engineer support and advice and .... supplying water (and we also ran a bar, the Sandbag Arms).

Enter stage right the villain of the piece. I give you the Patterson Water Trailer.

Now this piece of kit was supposed to be all you needed to produce potable water from virtually any source. It had a thing that produced Chlorine by electrolysis of salt-common or garden. And filters. The concept of this aged piece of kit was that you ran it all night and produced x thousand litres of clean chlorinated water which was stored in "s" tanks. So far so good.

Now I have seen much complaining and whinging about kit and the lack thereof when the army was embarking on the Afghastly adventure. But by God when we got to Belize we had **** all. OK so we weren't facing the might of the Mujaheddin third shock army, but we were in the jungle facing a peasant army 30 times the strength that we had.

Digression. Great aint it.

Anyway the gadget that turned salt into chlorine to purify the water was run from a small generator attached to the engine in the Patterson trailer. In fact I think it was the same engine used for the aux gennie in the cent AVRE / Bridgelayer.

It didn't work. The generator, that is.

Plees for service support fell on deaf ears.

What to do?

Nip into Punta Gorda with THEM on a night on the piss and purloin a 6 volt motorbike battery.

Charge said battery on any army vehicle which has those cell connectors visible on top and connect in any where on the battery between over 6 volts and below 12 volts for charging. During the day.

The motorbike battery soon began to bulge somewhat alarmingly.

At night, connect the battery to the unit that electrolysed the salt and then spend all night trying to keep a small red bit of something or other between two marks on a glass tube, which indicated a correct level of chlorination.

Finally, just before dawn, sample the water in the tanks by extracting a bit and adding a reagent and then comparing the colour achieved by means of a Lovebond Comparator to confirm the level of chlorine present. What a fuckabout.

Then the wankity RSM of the Jocks wanted us to do PT at 0530 as well (the Jocks knocked off every day at 1300 for the rest of the day).

This went on for several months until a bunch of Jocks went down with the serious shits.

Naturally the water supply was to blame. A medical officer, pompous and arrogant came to take water samples."I'll have to shut you dyine until the test results come through, Corporal." Suits me, yer chinless wonder, I could do with some sleep.

We had to take all kinds of shit from the Jocks (see ye jimmie an yer fuckin watter .. blah blah) and the rag tag and bobtail all schimfing.

The water tests came back perfectly clear.

Chinless wonder: "Nevertheless, Cpl, I wand you to increase the chlorine by er, say 3 %.

Me: Are you sure?

Jock CO: He is a doctor, so please follow his advice.

Me. Right you are sir.

So we went from meticulously calculating chlorine levels in the water to measuring the minimum levels. And getting some zeds in between. Morning Lovibond Comparator tests were done after dawn and if the cooks had no water for half an hour late, ces la ******* vie.

Gradually the whole Company of Jocks started to complain: " We cannae drink this shite". Some had stomach pains and the shits (cant spell diarrhea, or diarhoea) and some had nausea. All due to excess chlorine.

Gentlemen, I give you the Patterson water trailer. One of the most dangerous weapons available to the British army due to it's unerring ability to do damage to those who depend on it. Heap of shite.
 
B

bokkatankie

Guest
#16
LAW 80, fire number of ranging shots, hope that no one blows you away whilst you are doing that and then miss with missile anyway. Utter peice of crap, give me a Charlie G any day.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#17
Oooh, oooh. The Energa, I had forgotten about that useless, finger-breaking, weapon-ruining, target-missing heap of Murdoch pooh!
 
#18
Oooh, oooh. The Energa, I had forgotten about that useless, finger-breaking, weapon-ruining, target-missing heap of Murdoch pooh!
What a perfectly accurate description of the most useless and most feared (by the firer, not the firee) piece of junk! And it didn't always end after firing the thing either. If you forgot to turn the gas plug round the next time fired your SLR you were lucky if you didn't lose an eye.
 
#19
Also only good for an effective range of about 30’.
Then the added worry (as you say pongo) the gas plug.
Ok so you’re under attack and the order / instructions are to use the energa.
Unload, take out gas plug, turn, replace, fit the eeerr forgot the name of the kit that was placed at the end of the barrel covering the flash hider. Fit into chamber the balastite cartridge. Pull pin at the top of the energa, place energa over the thingy, get into a good position, aim by being a contortionist and fire the energa in the direction of target. Take off thingy, unload ensuring no split casing is left in barrel, turn gas plug back to normal (setting around No;3) reload with live, get back into firing position and carry on.
All that during a fire fight. :shock:
 
#20
Also only good for an effective range of about 30’.
Then the added worry (as you say pongo) the gas plug.
Ok so you’re under attack and the order / instructions are to use the energa.
Unload, take out gas plug, turn, replace, fit the eeerr forgot the name of the kit that was placed at the end of the barrel covering the flash hider. Fit into chamber the balastite cartridge. Pull pin at the top of the energa, place energa over the thingy, get into a good position, aim by being a contortionist and fire the energa in the direction of target. Take off thingy, unload ensuring no split casing is left in barrel, turn gas plug back to normal (setting around No;3) reload with live, get back into firing position and carry on.
All that during a fire fight. :shock:
Right on! Thank God I never had to fire one in anger!
 

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