The worst things to say at the wrong times

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by billyx, Feb 19, 2007.

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  1. Hi

    its not a cracker, and im sure you all have miles betters ones, but ill say it anyho

    I was in my local town(farnham)when my misses wants to go into a shop called pilot(which isnt there now i think:(
    and there before me is this fooking stunner in everyway

    well after afew "narh i dont really like the dress "stlye answers my misses starts to realise im not actually looking at her at all, but im fixed on the totty assistant.

    she gives up and we leave, plus a slighly knobbed off looking misses, at this point i do something i didnt expect and say what im thinking!!

    "that bird was fooking stunning" dribble dribble dribble doh!!!

    i didnt get ANY for some time after,with the words"you dont want me you want THAT bird in the shop" answers:):)

    i allways think first now and im lucky she didnt right hook me:):)
  2. Post again in English?
  3. ive seen worst spelling that that:))

    theres help for dyslexia these days you know!
  4. Try to imagine what it would be like with the foot on the other shoe and try and get it around your head.
  5. Some people just do not think when in a "public area" their "private conversation" at full volume is just not as interesting to those around as to them. In this instance I was most certainly in the wrong place at the wrong time...

    I was on a train not too long ago and was just minding my own business when this really obvious preop tranny minced its way in and flounced its way into a seat. It was also fairly obvious it was an attention seeker as it eyed everyone off in the carriage, particularly the females, harrumphed around in its handbag, scattered (luckily) empty diazepam foils (2mg what a woos!) around the carriage floor, then kept crossing and uncrossing its legs. Then it got on its mobile. There really are some things that one can take without thinking "SHHHH before I have to kill you". This was not one of them.

    There was also a group of school girls in the carriage and basically the entire group of us, including some shocked pensioner, were subjected for the next twenty minutes, at the very least till it wobbled off the train, to what it had been doing the night before and with whom. The stupid creature kept flinging its head and hair around checking to see for a reaction to its antics. I was glad there were no little kids in the carriage because the bloke next to me looked like he was going to punch its lights out if it did not STFU and leave rapidly.

    I think the crowning moment for me in the conversation was when it screeched "AND THEN do you KNOW what HE DID??? The BIG FAT barsteward fell asleep IN ME after he CAME! ON TOP of ME he was CRUSHing me! I'm going back there now to make sure he hasn't overdosed...God I'm SO HIGH!!." Good for you freak.

    It was unfortunately not the only disclosure that should have never been made. I really wish it had mentioned the name of its PO as I think ringing them up and informing them it had just violated its parole conditions by taking drugs and consorting with a known criminal would have cheered me up no end.

    When it left, after looking back a dozen times through the windows to where it had been sitting, there was a silence you could have cut with a knife. Time seemed to stand still. I looked around at the others in the carriage and the horrified, gobsmacked faces said it all really. I thought the bloke next to me was about to have an MI. The silence seemed to go on for ages until I said "Well that was educational."
  6. The tranny was quite probably talking to his own answering machine.
  7. Yes, no or any answer to any of the following:

    Does my bum look big in this?
    Do you think she looks attractive?
    Who is your fantasy woman?
    Do I look older?
    Am I getting fat / wrinkles / run down?

    etc. add infinitum. Ignore them and they'll go away and start talking about sensible things like what's for dinner.
  8. As it turns out, the correct answer to the question "Do I look fat in this dress?" is most definitely NOT "Compared to what?"
  9. Wrong........terribly, terribly wrong question, should never be asked and really a trap for beginners. There is no correct answer to that question for a woman even if the "answeree" is also a woman.
  10. Whilst watching the Specail Olympics One hundred metres front crawl for "S13" Atheletes.

    Well they all come strolling on, no particular visible disability amongst them, no legs missing etc.

    "So," says I to the assemblage - "whats an S13 then?"

    Just then they announce the Polish Bird, she dribbles and gives a particularly spazzy wave.

    "Oh, its alright - they're mongs" says I. I know - I'm going to hell.

    Quick check of remembered family history in the room tells me that one of the lads has a "disadvantaged" close family member.

    If only I had ducked a little earlier...... :sweatdrop:
  11. Used to be married to a bird who wasnt religous herself but her family was.

    We went to midnight mass at the families local church - as usual me and the ex were a little bit late and a little bit pi55ed, didnt know how to get into the church. Found a door, went in only to be faced with the whole congregation looking right at us. Me, taken back in a bit of shock says "JESUS CHRIST". Looks of disgust from the front couple of rows, vicar shaking his head, motioning us to go to the back of the church. Ticking off from the mother-in-law later on.
  12. However, a good cop-out is to fondle her bum and/or nuzzle her cleavage. The latter has the advantage in that you can't answer as you never talk with your mouth full. :thumleft:
  13. So you have an arse like a bag of sand Krissi? :biggrin:
  14. H3

    H3 LE

    Went to a Funeral a few weeks ago and on leaving met the Bereaved family and said a few pleasantries only to finish off with.

    " Have fun " not so sure how many heard it but I was off.

    Mong and still feel a Mong !
  15. I have it on good authority, that when a burd says she loves you for the first time in your relationship, the correct answer is not "I don't blame you"... no matter how funny you think it is