The worst smell you have ever smelt.

#1
A few weeks ago, I was out on the piss, when I got halfway to the first pub and needed a slash.

So, I nipped to where the public toilet was, about 20 metres away, but it was closed, so I preceded to urinate down the wall. Whilst there, I spotted a familiar shaped object, and it transpired that a tramp had had a shit there. It didn't smell at all.

Until I pissed on it.

I was pissing so much that I couldn't hold it and move, so I had to stay there for a full 90 seconds, breathing through my mouth. The stench was making me gag even breathing through my mouth, and smelt like a mix between shit, marmite and rotting flesh. My gag reflex was making me bob up and down whilst pissing, and I looked like an oversize fire extinguisher on a pogo stick. Finally I finished, and fucking sprinted away.

I gagged all the way to the pub, couldn't even tell my mate what had happened due to the fact that thinking about it was making me gag.

Anyone got any other smell horror stories?
 
#3
A place i worked once also had window lickers on day release doing menial jobs (no i wasnt one of them ) I walked into a toilet after one had dropped the kids at the pool and it was the most pungent vile stench of shit i have smelt you could almost chew on the smell it was that bad. i had to run off gagging
 
#5
A rotting half a chicken, stored in a black bag hidden in my garden as a prank; by a friend. Feckin stunk.
 
#6
#7
Was clearing out a pub cellar and the place had tons of little rooms and passages.
Down one of them were about 30 of what we thought were all empty beer barrels standing in a bit of lowered floor about a foot deep in stagnant water.
We were happily slinging them out into the main part of the cellar so they could be collected when i grabbed one which was part full. Not expecting the weight I dropped it into the water and the contents started to seep out into the murky sh*te on the floor.

the smell was the foulest I can remember, we both gagged and legged it out of the cellar to leave it for the brewery to sort out.
 
#8
There is a homeless woman who I have seen use the Victoria Line who smells of piss, BO, rotting flesh. She always had the carriage to herself for some reason.
 
#9
1. Toilets in China. - basically never cleaned.

2. I was once sharing a room with my brother on a skiing trip. I do not know what I had been eating, but I did the most disgusting fart EVER! My reaction - "oh my fcuking christ!" and then bury my head in my pillow.
my brother - just getting into bed on the other side of the room - "er whats up with you? OH FCUK" and runs out of the room. Bear in mind that it was well below freezing out and he was wearing boxers. - it was that bad. hehe!

Ski.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#11
None of you lot have ever visited Sunderland have you?
 
#16
Certain cpl in a Company store, was known as Claud Jeremiah due to his amazing ability to grow cheese from his foot odour. Having seen him apply soap detergent and bleach, can confirm his feet were a natural rival to mustard gas. As he is still serving it would be unfair to say who he is......
 
#17
One of my fellow players rugby kit.

1st game of the season, prop opens his kit bag, everyone starts retching, a few run out the changing room. :puker:

Said kit bag had been sealed since the end of the previous season, his body armour had not been disturbed in months, bag was opened, the mouldy body armour was seperated from the Tescos shopping bag and stretched and shaken roughly into the right shape. He then procedes to pull the armour on with a massive grin.

He didn't get tackled much, but then again, he didn't get much support in the rucks and mauls either.

End of the game he walks past the oppositions supporters, again with a massive grin as they all start to gag and retch. :pukel:

Quality!

(After the game he lovingly replaced it back into the Tescos bag before a well deserved/needed shower.)
 
#18
It has to be those huge wooden sh1t houses at Sennelager.Crapping and vomiting simultaniously !
 
#19
Very similar to the stech of a putrifying body, but even worse, is gangrene. Especially when it was caused by an injury to my own leg!

Think rotting bacon, multiply the smell by about 100, throw in a dozen rotten fish, a few pounds of ripe excrement and you've got the general drift. Even the medics were gagging
 

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