The WORST Job You've Ever Done

Discussion in 'Jobs (Discussion)' started by narc, Sep 2, 2011.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Feeling incredibley sorry for myself as just started a job on a production line at a factory today. Seen better atmosphere's in a morgue, piece of my soul dying every hour, 'think of the money' results in just thinking 'it's not worth it!' etc. ******* hellish and have several months of it ahead unless I can wrangle something better, which I am trying very hard to do lol!

    What's the worst job you've ever done? Any awful, awful stories/anecdotes? Please outdo me and cheer me up haha :)
  2. I once got paid, indirectly, to kill an Afghan knobhead. That was pretty horrible, but didn't last several months.
  3. "lol" and "haha" sum it up for me.

    Sounds like you landed on your feet there fella.
    • Like Like x 3
  4. Putting loaves of bread on a conveyor for 12 hours at a time. Lasted a week and found something better.
  5. Welcome to my life, get out before you become a fixture. Too late for me, oh well only another 20 years to go.
  6. What you chaps need to do is join the Army. You get to ski or paraglide every weekend and every day is like summer wine, being comforted by a WO and eating the finest food you could imagine.
    • Like Like x 3
  7. This was pretty shit;

    “Charlie Charlie one contact IED! This is Charlie Bravo One Zero contact wait out!”-This basically means that the lead vehicle CB10 had had a roadside device explode at it. Luckily our Electronic Counter Measures are very good at setting roadside bombs off before vehicles drive by or over them. By saying the word “contact,” over the radio the Plt Sgt had ensured that all other call signs receiving his transmission shut up and allow him to send his contact report and request for any help that would be needed.
    We were about a kilometre away and were the nearest help to 1 Plt so the Major came over the net instructing us to move up to CB10’s position and cordon the area off for them, look for secondary devices and to see if it would be any use calling the bomb disposal/forensic blokes to get intelligence on the detonation etc –all fairly standard stuff for out here.
    As we drove up I said to Jonesy that I thought I could see tracer from the right of the road coming from the shear flats onto the vehicles of CB10 just in front of us at a distance of about 100m-he agreed.
    And then….. BOOM! Our waggon moved a couple of metres backwards.
    “Charlie Charlie one this is Charlie Bravo Two Zero, contact I.E.D,repeat contact I.E.D!Secondary device behind Charlie Bravo One Zero call sign!” shouted Jonesy over the net .An Explosively formed projectile had just gone off about 5m in front of our wagon. Obviously has been the secondary device to cut off CB10’s escape route.
    At this point all hell broke loose the gunner on the intercom said he could see muzzle flashes from the flats, the wagon felt like it was being pelted with rocks as incoming machine gun rounds started to slam into our armour along with shrapnel bits of rock and mud. (It was at this point I started to feel the back wheel of my metaphorical motorbike hit the wet man hole cover on a bend-remember?)What looked like an R.P.G round flew past the rear of the wagon in front and It’s top cover gunner was returning fire with a 50 cal.

    But it all depends on your sense of perspective...
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Don't work as an undertaker. My mate once had to deal with a prostitute who committed suicide by jumping from a block of flats. She impaled herself on a bleacher beacon in the street. It took him two days to get the smile off her face.
    • Like Like x 3
  9. Worst job has to be, hoseing out pig inestines to facilitate the surgeones doing bowel anasatomis .... i
  10. I once worked in a place where everyone looked the same. We were shouted at and told to do almost impossible things. We went away sometimes to far away lands to stop people fighting eachother, often ending up as targets ourselves. The food was nt very good, but the pay was ok. When we got back, no-one understood why we had been away trying to solve other peoples problems, and they thought we were the bad men. 6 of my colleagues commited suicide after leaving the firm, they put it down to "Weakness". We were told to work hard, and play hard, and many of us can only do the play hard bit now. They told us we were the best firm in Great Britain, and that our Boss was a very important person who owned the very thing that we were protecting, it s called your Freedom, you Fuckwit.

    You can decide yourself, it s your free will, a luxury that our Ancestors laid at your feet. You dont need an App, the Internet, or Breakfast Telly to tell you what to do, its ******* great, and still free, you decide yourself.
    • Like Like x 5
  11. I'm surprised no-one's mentioned picking the lobsters out of Jayne Mansfield's arse yet.
  12. That's because it was a bit tricky, she was a very sensitive woman. But it was my job, MY job to get these ******* lobsters out of her ******** 'post hoc to proc.' That's Latin that is, for getting lobsters out of women's *********.............
  13. Basically, she suffered from what was known in the medical trade as 'lobsters-up-the-********'.

    I gather you wouldn't knock her, what with her being a sweet girl and all...
  14. Lobsterisimus bumberisimus? What about Winston Churchill's bogeys?
  15. Do you remember a TV series featuring Baldrick "The Worst Jobs in History". I thought some of those were pretty grim and that I'd never see anything quite like that in present times.

    Wrong: I stayed on a campsite in North Devon where they like to boast of their "green" credentials. Most of the campers were not up and about at feck o'clock but I was because the dog wanted a slash.
    The campsite had poo bins for people to clear up after their dogs and leave the plastic bags in.
    As I walked past I realised that there were two of the employees solemnly opening up the poo bags to get the collected dumps out so that the biodegradable bags could be recycled separately.
    Even at that time of day the festering stench that was coming off the bags was spectacular.