The worst/funniest sexual injury you have sustained

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by allgone2ratsh1t, May 10, 2011.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Seeing as some have thought the topics were waning on T' Naafi and being a sexuallyinadequatepervert whats the worst injury you have either personally sustained whilst engaging in sex or that you know of.....................:lol:
  2. Yawn.........
  3. Does AIDS count?
  4. only if its the bad kind
  5. Two children
    • Like Like x 1
  6. being caught by your dad
  7. Well, they're expensive enough to make my eyes water.

    Raising them I mean, not buying them on the internet.
  8. Not sustained but dished out. When we were younger, my mate and I used to go poaching on a stately home estate. We weren't the only ones who used to trespass on the huge grounds, which included fields and woods.

    One late evening, whilst stalking about, we observed two figures in the distance walking across one of the fields. Having a look through the scopes on our air rifles, we saw that it was a man and a woman. Now we were hidden at the edge of a wood and dressed in DPM, so the couple wouldn't have seen us. They stopped in the middle of the field, had a quick look around, and when assuming no-one was around, started to strip off and get down doing the dirty.

    Keeping an eye on them, we snurgled up as close as we could. We must have got about 35 metres away and we were well hidden amongst the undergrowth. We could see by now that they were really getting carried away and the blokes little white arrse was pumping away on his bit of fluff.

    We both looked at each other and had exactly the same idea. We both raised our rifles and took aim ... and shot the bloke in the arrse. We could hear his howls for miles as we turned and legged it.
  9. HHH

    HHH LE

    I hurt my hand once when it slipped off my dick & hit the wall mid wank
    • Like Like x 1
  10. sustained? probably being knocked out in the heat of things by a kiss of the glasgow variety.

    Given? A few nasty accidental knees to the gonads!
  11. a few?

    ffs, hardly an accident if it's a few!
  12. Not all in the one session! I'm probably quite an evil bitch but I found it hilarious! Don't worry I'm not all bad though, I made it up to him later. :)
  13. HHH

    HHH LE

    Is this what you call foreplay, I thought foreplay up in your part of the country was changing your wellies!!
  14. Not strictly a sexual injury, but 9 months later whilst passing a large, and incidentally noisy, tur...sorry baby, I managed to rip my perineum so far the doc had to stitch the inside of my arrse! Oh how we laughed. On a plus side I can now amuse at dinner parties by lying on my back and firing sofas across the room!
    • Like Like x 4
  15. Fixed that for you.