The worst Customer you ve ever had

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Aleegee1698, May 25, 2011.

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  1. After the week I ve had, ( and its only Wednesday) thought I d share this. Any Self-employed / Company "Hands-on" Bosses / Fitters etc, should know what I m on about.

    Client has spent the last 6 months planning his "Major" works, the ceiling-panelling of his living-room and hall with MDF T&G boards. He has meticuously planned everything down to the last screw (he s German), and he purchased the approved materials, so we only had to "fit and advise".

    Monday one of my Bods asked him which way the panelling should run, to which he said "the narrowest distance" so we spent 6 hours fixing-battens onto the concrete ceiling, ready to accept the counter-battens. Wife turns up with a drawing showing panelling in the other direction, and demanded such. Improvise: Counter-Counter battens were fitted,the rooms getting lower and lower.

    The Client s worked out the lengths of the panels required. We have 2600mm panels, fixed T&G, and end up with 16 off-cuts of 2200mm! He wonders why the m² doesnt work out and we spend 3 hours trying to explain that you can only cut the panels on one end and the rest is waste. (dependant on layout) We only need 400mm as last board.

    He wants 24 Halogen lamps put into the ceiling, 68mm diameter, tells us this once our battened, counter-counter-battened framing is finished. Re-fitting of Counter-counter battens to match his lighting requirements.

    25% material is missing due to his "planning". The living-room has a 30 degree wall, the hall, 2 opposing 30 degree walls. His missus Bar-b-qued for us, and managed to burn everything. She looked quite fit until she started sun-bathing, (and no shit, I dont know any Germans like her) but she had more black hair on her legs and clunge than Big-foot has.

    Its been a long week already, and the moral of the story is, dont give anyone a pencil and paper who isnt qualified to use it.......
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  2. Life my friend, does not permit us that luxury. See how easily that daft woman fell for the "apple of life" story.
  3. We had 30 'customers' come in, pretty much all at once.The lazy buggers didn't even bring all their limbs with them (bloody civilians) and had the cheek to bleed all over the place.
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  4. I get them all the time at work developers trying to be fly and not engage us to relocate our network until the last minute then start jumping up and down expecting guys on site right away until they get told it wont happen until they have paid the money up front or the one at the moment who is trying like fuck to wriggle out of an 80K bill to relocate our network and is trying to tell us what/were we should be doing it to save them money. Fuckwits cant get it into their head that we build it to protect the integrity of our network not to save them a buck. Had some good arguements with tossers over the years. Had some gormless twat from Morrisons demand that I remove road works from outside the store as they claimed it was affecting business and the area manager was most displeased tried threating legal action....was politiey told to fuck off via email.
  5. Any cunt I deal with between 0400 Monday and 1300 on Friday. I hate the lot of 'em.

  6. It's your own fucking stupid fault. Have you not heard of ISO9001? Do you not know anything about contract review? Are you a complete bunch of amateurish fuckwits?

    Stop blaming the client (by the way, look up the word 'client' in a proper dictionary, and see why this person wasn't really your client) and take responsibility for your own shortcomings.
  7. I've had a lot of terrible customers but the worst was possibly not even a real customer... a very posh woman who came storming into my current workplace not long after we opened screaming and cursing us because our prices were far too high, ripping people off blah blah blah... only to tell us that she'd never actually been into our store let alone bought anything there... cunt.
  8. Their all there to punish me...I'm a masochist by the way.
  9. FFS man, where are the photos? There are some of us who prefer our women looking 'au naturale', rather than pre-pubescent.
  10. When I receive a phonecall and the caller's opening line is "Er yeah, well Hi..." I just know it's going to be an arsehole. I've actually even hung up a few times when I've heard it. The preamble is normally - phone rings then cuts off. You see the same number calling again a minute later. A classic sign of someone who's prepared a script and trying to sound "polished". I find it rather amusing as they speak in a different 'register' to their normal accent - affecting a more posher sounding one. Their mongness is usually betrayed if you throw in a few multi-syllable words or refute every single one of their claims if they are complaining. They usually revert to their bumpkin accent and moonwalk out of the conversation.
  11. The IT teacher who demanded I phoned Microsoft and get them to 'fix' Windows 98 when I explained to her why it crashed so much. She got upset even further when a laughed out loud at her in front of a packed classroom.
  12. My worst customer asked how he could upgrade the software I'd sold him in 1999 as it wouldn't work on Windows 7.
    I told him that he would have to buy the new version.
    He said that as an existing customer he was entitled to a discount.
    I said that the new version was completely new (we had to start from scratch as the old version had been designed and built for NT4 - it took 18 months) and, as it had been launched in 2006 (all existing customers had been informed), the 30% discount had expired in 2008.
    And that was where the abuse started! Even now, some nine months later we still get hate emails and threats of solicitors.
    What a dork!!!
  13. Why publish this here? The military doesn't usually have "customers". We have enemy (that's victims if you are a trendy modern parent) and we have allies (that would be: foreign fascists, their lackies and fellow travellers, to you).
  14. Kind of put things into perspective for me! You just turned my shit day into a very good day!
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  15. 12th Sep 2001. One of my TL's and one of his senior engineers come to see me - a rail "customer" has a 'service outage', which has been escalated from engineer, to snr engineer, to TL and now to me. The service is a daily fax notification of scheduled delays on the train network, and costs about £100p/a. His company has three employees - the MD (him) and two secretaries, both of whom are on holiday and who normally do the work. He doesn't understand how to use the fax machine, which is "our" fault, and when this was pointed out to him, he threatened to "bin laden" the engineer... A phone call to him resulted in similar abuse (apparently all senior managers below director level are a waste of space), and further threats to "bin laden" the engineers, me, the building.. to which he was told to "go fuck himself"... and on reflection an "incomming!" call to my Director, and an explanation. Being a former Lt Col, he was very understanding :)

    At the time we had bigger fish to worry about - like the loss of the entire FCO North American network, and 'polite' demands that service be restored as 'soon as possible'...