The worlds most retarded fights

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by SurveyCommando, Jul 1, 2006.

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  1. This fine eve, I (almost) had what could be the worlds most retarded (almost) fight.

    0200, My oppos and I enter Roosters in High Wycombe, a fast food chicken vendor of the highest order. Upon entry, I decided to rip the piss out of my mate as he had a jumper that made him look like an extremely camp version of Nick Faldo.

    So I turn to our friendly, neighbour gwar and ask if he knows who Nick Faldo is and whether he reckons my mate looks like Nick Faldo after a a night of cottaging. Naturally, the answer is "Did you just call me a cnut?".

    Incredulous, I respond "Do you even know who Nick Faldo is?"

    Again, "Did you call me a cunt?" At which point i'm rummaging in my pocket to get the required shrapnel for a portion of chips. Our gingwarr hero hereby slaps 40p out of my hand and asks "do you want to go outside?" had I known better I would have chinned him then and there but no, a far worse fate awaited the tw@. I responded that I would see his 40p gamble and raise him a knuckle sandwich. Upon which point a young lady measuring 5 foot nothing and weighing in at about 14 stone entered the fray, delivering a highly effective right hook to said gwars chops whilst giving the command "eat your fooking chicken!". Immediately, carrot top realised the errors of his ways as the rest of the shop creased up as he rapidly exited the establishment under a flurry of fists from his stumpy fcukbuddy.

    The fact that this berk was willing to go outside and accept a kicking on a biblical scale simply because he didn't know who Nick Faldo was, was enough to crease me up double. His bird beating the sh!t out of him and ordering him to eat his chicken and go home was the icing on the cake!

    So, lets hear your retarded fight stories!
  2. Got offered out by a 7 foot german dolph lundgren lookalike in a sleepy village just outside Geilenkirchen...

    I walked out, turned lamped hi... walked back into pub and waited for the ambulance for him to come!

    What a lucky punch because I was gonna die that night!
  3. What were you doing in High Wycombe. This is an area that has its own gene pool. It is a place where IQ and shoe-size are normally identical (and most of them have small webbed feet). Enjoy life, get out into the real world !!
  4. Spot on Top Man, living close to Wycombe I cant understand why anyone wants to pick a fight with such a town full of pond life as the inhabitants of Wycombe.
  5. Yea and Aylesbury Utd beat them a few months ago then got relegated to the Cherry Red Records unheard of division... :D
    Got to agree with bobos though Wycombe is full of pond life but then again so is Chesham :D
  6. A shark and lion would be a retarded fight, but one i'd gladly give a toe to see.
  7. A mindless fight in Roosters? Makes sense to me - I've not seen anyone with any sense ever enter that establishment!

    Where the fcuck had you been drinking?!? Not too many good places down there!
  8. I'm sure the mods can fix it.Mod edit...job done miz :lol:

    Most retarded fight...bloody hell you get to see a few between psych patients that's for sure. Top ones I recall

    Out on a uni prac in a locked acute unit. 6'6 "man mountain" non compliant schiz v 5' "ballet dancer" BPD self harmer. He was sitting in "her spot" smoking a dhurry and she objected to him not relinquishing the seat. She slapped him in the face and when he didn't react she picked up a chair and broke it over his head. This seemed to spark him up a bit and he pushed her into the water feature. Think she was deterred by this? Ha! She got up grabbed one of the garbage bin lids pulled the handle off it - god knows how she was 45 kilo dripping wet - and proceeded to stab him with it. This made him curl up in a ball on the ground and start crying until restraint team got to her. Helped to his feet by other staff he was walked away from her being pinned down but not before managing to puke on her and several members of the restraint team.

    Naval base hossie. Two alkies in for detox. Sitting round outside having a smoke with a few of the other medical patients. I had been elected to special them when they weren't in the confines of the secure psych ward (got to love some places idea of a "secure psych ward" two beds at the end of the med ward). They got into an argument about who had been the bigger drinker. It was like the yorkshiremen. I was standing there trying not to laugh too loud. Ended up one called the other a few choice things the other leaned across the table and biatchslapped the verballer. It was on then. They both stood up and started flapping and slapping at each other like a pair of little girls. The others round the table were trying to dodge the flailing idiots and rolling about laughing. I was in hysterics and had to compose myself before I could go and break up the hissy fit in progress. Loud complaints from the others stating they wanted to see if they finished it with handbags and fingernails.

    The homeless are pretty good for retarded fighting as well. Two old derros in the park in the city lolling about in the late afternoon sun. I was walking through to get to the train station and had stopped to have a drink of water. Bloke walking in opposite direction to me is carrying what looked like a pizza box. He trips and drops the box, rains curses down on everything and walks off. The derros have seen the whole thing, look at each other and start to get up. Derro 1 pushes derro 2 back down and tries to get to the box instead. Derro 2 kicks derro 1's feet out from under him. Cue milling bout. They were obviously seasoned sparrers as there was nary a blow wasted. My money was on derro 2 as he seemed less familiar with the Queensbury Rules than derro 1. Unfortunately for them both while they were busy kicking seven shades out of each other flying rats descended and then another derro came in and ran off with the box cackling to himself. When they realised the prize was gone they started up again screaming at the other it was his fault they lost the food. I didn't see the outcome as I had to catch the train.
  9. The most retarded fight i ever saw was on the sidelines of my lads under 13's rugby pitch some years back.
    One mother was shouting for her son to 'go for his neck' whenever he went for a tackle. Another mother told her to pack it in. A bit of an argument followed and the first mother snarled in the other ones face ' Outside NOW' to which the other one snarled back ' We ARE outside you stupid b!tch' followed by a cracking punch that lifted the first one clean off her feet and into a nice sleep. :lol: :lol:
  10. I had to read that bit twice, as I thought you'd said a seven feet German dolphin! That would've been a mong fight - albeit one-sided. (There was fish n' flippers everywhere man, it was terrible!)