This fine eve, I (almost) had what could be the worlds most retarded (almost) fight. 0200, My oppos and I enter Roosters in High Wycombe, a fast food chicken vendor of the highest order. Upon entry, I decided to rip the piss out of my mate as he had a jumper that made him look like an extremely camp version of Nick Faldo. So I turn to our friendly, neighbour gwar and ask if he knows who Nick Faldo is and whether he reckons my mate looks like Nick Faldo after a a night of cottaging. Naturally, the answer is "Did you just call me a cnut?". Incredulous, I respond "Do you even know who Nick Faldo is?" Again, "Did you call me a cunt?" At which point i'm rummaging in my pocket to get the required shrapnel for a portion of chips. Our gingwarr hero hereby slaps 40p out of my hand and asks "do you want to go outside?" had I known better I would have chinned him then and there but no, a far worse fate awaited the tw@. I responded that I would see his 40p gamble and raise him a knuckle sandwich. Upon which point a young lady measuring 5 foot nothing and weighing in at about 14 stone entered the fray, delivering a highly effective right hook to said gwars chops whilst giving the command "eat your fooking chicken!". Immediately, carrot top realised the errors of his ways as the rest of the shop creased up as he rapidly exited the establishment under a flurry of fists from his stumpy fcukbuddy. The fact that this berk was willing to go outside and accept a kicking on a biblical scale simply because he didn't know who Nick Faldo was, was enough to crease me up double. His bird beating the sh!t out of him and ordering him to eat his chicken and go home was the icing on the cake! So, lets hear your retarded fight stories!