The Worlds Longest Richard the III

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by SuperTrooper, Mar 27, 2005.

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  1. Many moons ago, following a short stint on a field exercise my unit returned back to the accommodation block. We did the usual rigmarole of handing in the kit to the stores and washing loads of gear. After all that I had my first nice shower in a week and a small non-compo feed. Having not had a dump in the same period and the food having loosened up my inner cavities, I proceeded to the water closet to, as Russel Crow finely put it, 'release hell' My strides were yanked down to my ankles and as I sat on the cheap plastic bog seat, I felt happy for some private space, having had to look at horrible bare arses hanging over latrine areas during the stint in the bush. I then felt the heavens open and my butthole seemed to strain for what seemed like hours. When I stood up, I thought fcuk me, the Loch Ness Monster has travelled along the sewerage system and appeared in my pot. No on second thoughts it was not the said monster but a different type of monster nonetheless. A week of compo had now formed into a 2 foot long python like turd, 3 inches thick, which the top of now towered over the bog seat by a good 3-4 inches. Fcuk my old boots I thought, were did all that hide inside my body. Numerous attempts to flush hissing sid away were hopeless. I then had a cunning plan, I get a wire hanger from my room and conduct a post mortem hack and slash on the chocolate coloured creature. I then went to my room and after a few minutes found one of my cheap 'man at C&A' issued coat hangers. As I walked along the corridor I heard a high pitched scream, 'Oooer look at what some dirty bast*rd has done in here' Bollo*ks, I've been rumbled was my only thought, I sneaked back into my room and hid the hanger. In a panic I thought they are going to have a witch hunt for this one. I kept wondering if they could do ring piece impression and match my pucker to the offending Richard. What can I do? I decided that I would go into the bogs and play innocent as the person who layed that big nasty creature would be labelled a bummer due to its vast size. On entering the toilet I saw there were about half a dozen of my muckers in there all cooing over the size of the monster. I kept my secret and have only ever revealed it today. Can anyone beat a 2 foot jobbie? Better still anyone got photos to prove, sounds like a competition
  2. is always good for this kind of thing, had a mate once who could p**s over a 4 tonner without the stream touching the wagon (how he found this out we never knew)
  3. Some big boys in there but none to defeat my fireman's hose sized beast
  4. The chap who can lag over a bedford trawls these boards

    He is a hero in my eyes
  5. Lolololololololol
  6. I know someone that fried there poo, I can try and get the photos for that if u like? lololol
  7. Did he perform this feat with a soft member or with morning glory?

    i'm betting the latter!
  8. I think it was a morning glory, and when he fired it, it looked like Chicken Korma, was a very unpleasant sight indeed, I just hope he didn't have the heat up too mach and it spat eek :(