The World Cup

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Negligent-Discharge, Feb 8, 2010.

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  1. Negligent-Discharge

    Negligent-Discharge LE Book Reviewer

    I kid you not - I woke myself up laughing on Sunday morning. I'd been dreaming about the World Cup and had been doing how to identify teams. The Scarey One and I spent an hour in bed pi$$ing ourselves laughing. It's not racist - I'm a Jock and she's an Arawak Indian so there.

    France; They re-negotiate the off-side rule and then ignore it.
    Poland: They sit on the ball and offer to build a shed with plumbing and then don't show up.
    Italy: Surrender.
    Hungary: Sit on the ball - full stop.
    Mexico: The extended family show up on the pitch for Tacos.
    Japan: They take the ball and reinvent it.
    Israel: They build a settlement in your half.
    Palestine: They dig a tunnel under the pitch and pop up in your goal.
    Germany: They invade your half before the Ref blows the kick-off.
    Jamaica: They whip out cricket bats and belt the ball around.
    Scotland: We shout for joy for 60 seconds and then cry for 89 minutes.
    England: They'll be too busy doing their hair/shagging someone's Missus/hanging out in clubs.
    Romania: They'll steal the ball.
    Russia: Too pi$$ed to see the ball.
    Argentina: They'll take over your half and claim it's theirs.
    2 Para: They'll take over the whole stadium and brag about it for years.
  2. You missed all the African nations

    Cross dressing and shooting fuck out of each other :D
  3. Negligent-Discharge

    Negligent-Discharge LE Book Reviewer

    :eek: Or asking for a loan from the World Bank and not paying it back.
  4. England - the guys in white who'll lose on penalties in the quarters or semis.

    Scotland - the guys in dark blue who you'll not see much of after the first week.

    Brazil / Sweden - the ugly guys in yellow with mega-fit birds in the crowd.

    Germany - the guys in white that make England play in grey, shortly before beating them on penalties.

    Argentina - the guys in light blue that attract the most police 'supporters' in the crowd.

    Romania - the guys in red with an albino rinse/dye.

    USA - the guys in white with the big shoulder-pads and half-time doughnuts.

    Ireland - the guys in green sat at home jeering at the TV everytime Henry touches the ball.
  5. Well at least those who usually hum along to the national anthem (which is quite a few of them), didn't have to bother learning the words.
  6. Negligent-Discharge

    Negligent-Discharge LE Book Reviewer

    The Swedes: They introduce you to their big t*tted sister

    The Greeks: Spend all their money and cry and ask for a loan from the IMF.

    Various Asians: They'll put a shop on the corner.

    Iceland: Take your ball and promise you the world... and then screw up.

    Canada: They'll fall over as they're wearing ice hockey boots.

    ......... but I still think 2Para would take over the stadium and brag about it after having tabbed it from the carpark.... and then leave compo tins all over the fecking place just like in the South Atlantic.
  7. Remind everybody which group they are in.
    Yep - 18 - 35 group at Butlins this year :D

  8. Like that a lot, Scotland are not even there! nor Ireland...

    Are Wales?
  9. FFS - The Paras don't have a national team in there either - but I'm guessing the OP was just dropping in various 'teams' for comedy value...? Otherwise this would have been in the sports thread, no?

    As for the Ireland comment - did you even what I wrote? i.e. the bit about them sat at home watching it on the TV....?

    What was that about thinking before hitting 'submit'? :D
  10. As to the Ireland comment, I was hinting, only hinting mind you that as Ireland wouldn't be at the Handball/Football World Cup and France will be, that as some of the Irish team originate from areas of Ireland that don't perhaps sing the Irish national anthem on a regular basis like London or Runcorn or Liverpool or Leeds or Droitwich, that those who might have been going and would perhaps rather sing the actual words of the national anthem rather than humming or performing some sort of strange sort of la-la-la in time to the music, well they don't have to bother now.

    BTW, my granny got engaged in Ireland in 1920, so don't be in the least surprised if I ever get called up to the squad. I might be far too old but according to them I'm still Irish. :)

    And of course I evened what you wrote. :lol:
  11. Sorry MS... I wasn't referring to your Ireland comment. I was talking about the other two comments pointing out the obvious!
  12. No probs Jester though I'm still waiting to get called up into the squad. I seem to remember the missus cooked steak and Guinness pie last week.

    Chances are looking good. :)
  13. I swear I'm gonna use this at the pub tonight - ice hockey boots - that's a classic. :D :D

    Canadians love their "Skates" more than themselves - and Seal Clubbing.