The World Cup Joke Thread

#1
Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still alive. He said that the England Team performance on Saturday was completely shit.

British intelligence have dismissed the claim, stating that the message could have been recorded any time in the last 44 years.



Robert Green - The only man to leave Africa with out catching anything.



In a statement from Broadcasting House, it was announced that all future England games will now be shown on the gay porn channel.

It is thought that 11 arseholes being regularly shafted is too explicit for regular TV.



I can't believe we only managed a draw against a shit team we should easily have beaten......I'm ashamed to call myself Algerian.



The England team went to visit an orphanage in South Africa this morning.

"Its so good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible," said Jamal Omboto, aged 6.



Fifa have released a statement saying the fan didn't break into the dressing room after all, but was let in by Rob Green.



What's the difference between Rob Green's spill and BP's spill?

Robert Green has got a cap for his.



Fabio Capello was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping.

He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" To which the old lady replied,

"No way. You got yourself into this fucking mess, don't ask me to sort it out..."



The FA have launched an inquiry to find out how a fan found his way into the dressing room.

And another enquiry into how Aaron Lennon found his way into the dressing room.
 
#3
Fabio Capello was asked if he thought England would go 4-4-2, he said "no I think they will go 7-4-7, it's bigger and offers more legroom"
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#4
World Cup jokes - so you know the England line up for this afternoon? :twisted:
 
#5
OXO have launched a new type of England Football Team gravy, it's called a Laughing Stock.

What have Emile Heskey and the oil slick off America got in common? they are both slow and p155ing off an entire nation.
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#6
I see someone has started a thread on camping in Scotland! Having been in a sporting wilderness for so long there are bound to be numerous places.
 
#7
B_AND_T said:
I see someone has started a thread on camping in Scotland! Having been in a sporting wilderness for so long there are bound to be numerous places.
"Camping" as in "mincing in a gay fashion" ? No changes there then.
 
#8
B_AND_T said:
I see someone has started a thread on camping in Scotland! Having been in a sporting wilderness for so long there are bound to be numerous places.
This being the same Scotland that won the test against Argentina away at the weekend 2-0 ... ?
 
#10
JoeCivvie said:
Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still alive. He said that the England Team performance on Saturday was completely shit.

British intelligence have dismissed the claim, stating that the message could have been recorded any time in the last 44 years.



Robert Green - The only man to leave Africa with out catching anything.



In a statement from Broadcasting House, it was announced that all future England games will now be shown on the gay porn channel.

It is thought that 11 arseholes being regularly shafted is too explicit for regular TV.



I can't believe we only managed a draw against a shit team we should easily have beaten......I'm ashamed to call myself Algerian.



The England team went to visit an orphanage in South Africa this morning.

"Its so good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible," said Jamal Omboto, aged 6.



Fifa have released a statement saying the fan didn't break into the dressing room after all, but was let in by Rob Green.



What's the difference between Rob Green's spill and BP's spill?

Robert Green has got a cap for his.



Fabio Capello was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping.

He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" To which the old lady replied,

"No way. You got yourself into this fucking mess, don't ask me to sort it out..."



The FA have launched an inquiry to find out how a fan found his way into the dressing room.

And another enquiry into how Aaron Lennon found his way into the dressing room.
Excelent, any more? :lol: :lol:
I have purloined them for personal use, and will also claim any credit :oops: :oops:
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#11
Mentalist said:
B_AND_T said:
I see someone has started a thread on camping in Scotland! Having been in a sporting wilderness for so long there are bound to be numerous places.
This being the same Scotland that won the test against Argentina away at the weekend 2-0 ... ?
Aye, the only Home Nation to win both their games in the SH. (With the correct shaped ball of course)
 

BuggerAll

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#12
Mentalist said:
B_AND_T said:
I see someone has started a thread on camping in Scotland! Having been in a sporting wilderness for so long there are bound to be numerous places.
This being the same Scotland that won the test against Argentina away at the weekend 2-0 ... ?
You don't expect news like that to have been reported do you. It had nothing to do with soccer or Ingerland so it didn't really happen.

Now them about Cappeloni's socks should he wear red to support the team in its hour of need or white to show his empathy for the fans and should he blow a vuvusali... (insert hours of pointless droning by pub bore types...)
 
#13
Auld-Yin said:
Mentalist said:
B_AND_T said:
I see someone has started a thread on camping in Scotland! Having been in a sporting wilderness for so long there are bound to be numerous places.
This being the same Scotland that won the test against Argentina away at the weekend 2-0 ... ?
Aye, the only Home Nation to win both their games in the SH. (With the correct shaped ball of course)
Ovoids.
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#15
It has all gone quiet!!!!!!!!
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#16
Oddball_101 said:
JoeCivvie said:
Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still alive. He said that the England Team performance on Saturday was completely shit.

British intelligence have dismissed the claim, stating that the message could have been recorded any time in the last 44 years.



Robert Green - The only man to leave Africa with out catching anything.



In a statement from Broadcasting House, it was announced that all future England games will now be shown on the gay porn channel.

It is thought that 11 arseholes being regularly shafted is too explicit for regular TV.



I can't believe we only managed a draw against a shit team we should easily have beaten......I'm ashamed to call myself Algerian.



The England team went to visit an orphanage in South Africa this morning.

"Its so good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible," said Jamal Omboto, aged 6.



Fifa have released a statement saying the fan didn't break into the dressing room after all, but was let in by Rob Green.



What's the difference between Rob Green's spill and BP's spill?

Robert Green has got a cap for his.



Fabio Capello was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping.

He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" To which the old lady replied,

"No way. You got yourself into this fucking mess, don't ask me to sort it out..."



The FA have launched an inquiry to find out how a fan found his way into the dressing room.

And another enquiry into how Aaron Lennon found his way into the dressing room.
Excelent, any more? :lol: :lol:
I have purloined them for personal use, and will also claim any credit :oops: :oops:
Jocklands excuses?
 
#17
B_AND_T said:
Jocklands excuses?
We don't need excuses. Our team's shite.

You lot take your excuses and put a white shirt on 'em then expect them to win.
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#18
smartascarrots said:
B_AND_T said:
Jocklands excuses?
We don't need excuses. Our team's shite.

You lot take your excuses and put a white shirt on 'em then expect them to win.
Nope. we know we are shite!! But optisim is not a bad thing.
 
#19
B_AND_T said:
smartascarrots said:
B_AND_T said:
Jocklands excuses?
We don't need excuses. Our team's shite.

You lot take your excuses and put a white shirt on 'em then expect them to win.
Nope. we know we are shite!! But optisim is not a bad thing.
"Optimism" is bad either. However, Maintenance of Aim has probably passed over the line into Maintenance of Stupidity :)
 
#20
England fans have been told to arrive at the stadium early on Sunday to get a seat before it has a towel on it.
 

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