The Wizard of Arrse



The Wizard of Arrse

Once upon a time in the peaceful country of OTC-land there lived a beautiful Woman Officer Cadet called Fauna. Her best friend in the world was her dog, Bert. The people of OTC-land were young, poor and inexperienced but they were generally good eggs.

One day a tornado came, picked up Fauna’s house and carried it all the way to the evil land of NAAFI-ville. Luckily crushing the Wicked Witch of the West, Gunny, beneath, on re-entry. Excellent. Gunny’s mate, Wicked Witch of the East, Monk, wasn’t pleased and gobbed off a bit about it.

Fauna decided NAAFI-ville was pants and full of bad people so decided to fook off back to OTC-land. She talked to the Good Fairy of the North, Jash, conducted her estimate and decided to follow the DPM brick road to find the fearsome, all-powerful Wizard of Arrse and get a return ticket back to the land of the beautiful young.

On her tab she bumped into the Scarecrow, ATL, he was very brave and would scrap with anyone. Slight problem, he had, unfortunately lost his brain. But that was fine, he was a good bloke. She told him about the Great Arrse, and he was signed on. Tin Man, BB, wasn’t really part of the team but was born without a heart, so despite her misgivings, Fauna let him tag along too. The cowardly lion, Cheeky, appeared very scary with much roaring and gnashing of teeth, but was actually afraid of doing anything to piss off the witches and the evil Wizard. However, ATL said he was a mucker and he was interested in snow, hammers and that sort of thing, so that was that.

After many adventures and annoyances (gave Monk a wash – he died) they reached the mystical land of Arrse and went in to see the terrifying wizard. After some good special effects, some boasting “Mercs, swampland etc.” some threats “I’ll beat you up, so I will” “I’ll throw my bedpan over you” etc. Bert crept round the curtain hiding the evil loser’s true nature to discover he was just a lonely old man, MDN, who’d been concealing his weakness and lack of wit behind a constant barrage of threats and quite effective 7th level botty penetration spells.

In short he was not the advertised article and a waste of rations so they all said the magic words “There’s no place like an OTC mess. There’s no place like an OTC mess” and all got back and Fauna met a Prince called Jumblesale who kicked her back doors in every night and they lived happily ever after.

Meanwhile back in the real world... Jumble sale is still a tool and MDN is a very handsome rugged chap that the chicks adore and would pay to sleep with.

Jumble continues to live in fantasy land, along with his other Everquest playing chums completely detatched from reality. What he fails to realise is that MDN does live in the real world and will come good on his idle threats and smyte the soap dodging, connect four playing greaseball a teeth loosening blow that would knock him into the middle of next week.

Go back to narrating second rate nursery rhymes and cack tales...... give the real world a call when you hit 20 and your balls drop


War Hero
Jumble - Good story :D . Any more in the pipeline?


War Hero
That was well good! makes a bit of a change from moaning! Espically liked my Cameo :D


OK fellas now you see how it’s done. While he’s flailing around in the bright lights all you have to do is poke him and he’ll say it to you too:

“I’m so hard! I’ll hit you! Really I will! I have a Merc you know! And some swampland! I’m really important! I’m really rich! Come on – put your mitts up! I know if I say this enough I won’t have to think of anything clever to say I’ll just have to threaten you to get my way! I’ve got a Merc you know!”
Yep, thats about right!

So whats the problem with that. Better to be able to back up your claims than spout off with opinions on everything with a wealth of nil experience in you back pocket (if dungarees have them)

When you are thirty and still saying 'Fries with that' you may well look back and say 'Not only was MDN sexy, virile and handsome... he was wise too'

Then pop on your Icarus wings and make for the high rises (You know the ones where your mum sucks of tramps for roll ups)
I'm taking you to court for defamation of character Jumble!
That really hurt.
By the way, any chance an ad for a brain cell to keep mine company would come up trumps?
Jumble, when the majority of OTC Forum Frequenters are ignoring the NAAFI frequenters, you're biting.

It's just what they want and frankly posts like this yet again act as Monk / MDN bait.

With regard to cowardice.... if you've got an issue PM me, but then again that's not your style eh?

Keep up the bravado, it'll catch you up in the end.


And that's the thanks I get for leading you out of NAAFI-ville and back to OTC-land!
Jumblesale said:
And that's the thanks I get for leading you out of NAAFI-ville and back to OTC-land!
Not only the NAAFI but also Current Affairs and this fabled forum. Oh and try not to illusion yourself with thoughts of inspiring my return. :twisted:
Jumblesale? Stopped baiting me? Can't believe I didn't get a slating....


You are still a no-dad jumper wearing student by the way.
Gunny - fantastic!!!

My elder brother enjoyed it too.
I doubt it Gunny - do you think he shaves yet? Not his balls I mean.
I apologise. Cheeky x
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