The Wizard of Arrse Once upon a time in the peaceful country of OTC-land there lived a beautiful Woman Officer Cadet called Fauna. Her best friend in the world was her dog, Bert. The people of OTC-land were young, poor and inexperienced but they were generally good eggs. One day a tornado came, picked up Faunas house and carried it all the way to the evil land of NAAFI-ville. Luckily crushing the Wicked Witch of the West, Gunny, beneath, on re-entry. Excellent. Gunnys mate, Wicked Witch of the East, Monk, wasnt pleased and gobbed off a bit about it. Fauna decided NAAFI-ville was pants and full of bad people so decided to fook off back to OTC-land. She talked to the Good Fairy of the North, Jash, conducted her estimate and decided to follow the DPM brick road to find the fearsome, all-powerful Wizard of Arrse and get a return ticket back to the land of the beautiful young. On her tab she bumped into the Scarecrow, ATL, he was very brave and would scrap with anyone. Slight problem, he had, unfortunately lost his brain. But that was fine, he was a good bloke. She told him about the Great Arrse, and he was signed on. Tin Man, BB, wasnt really part of the team but was born without a heart, so despite her misgivings, Fauna let him tag along too. The cowardly lion, Cheeky, appeared very scary with much roaring and gnashing of teeth, but was actually afraid of doing anything to piss off the witches and the evil Wizard. However, ATL said he was a mucker and he was interested in snow, hammers and that sort of thing, so that was that. After many adventures and annoyances (gave Monk a wash he died) they reached the mystical land of Arrse and went in to see the terrifying wizard. After some good special effects, some boasting Mercs, swampland etc. some threats Ill beat you up, so I will Ill throw my bedpan over you etc. Bert crept round the curtain hiding the evil losers true nature to discover he was just a lonely old man, MDN, whod been concealing his weakness and lack of wit behind a constant barrage of threats and quite effective 7th level botty penetration spells. In short he was not the advertised article and a waste of rations so they all said the magic words Theres no place like an OTC mess. Theres no place like an OTC mess and all got back and Fauna met a Prince called Jumblesale who kicked her back doors in every night and they lived happily ever after. THE END.