The wifes first Hoop Dhobi!

Discussion in 'Now That's What I Call NAAFI Bar' started by trickywoo, May 26, 2006.

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  1. So last night, it's our wedding anniversary and so I'm looking to give the lady who has made my life complete a special treat. To this end, and myself having been on the receiving end of many a wondrous hoop-dhobie from sluts both paid and unpaid from Wolverhampton to Warsaw, I though it fitting that I should give her her own very first ring wash.

    Upon assuming the position, I'm happily reminded that since our children were Caeserean births both flaps are still in pristine, symetric condition. In fact, the beautieous wonder of the wife's well oiled chuff only increased my desire to do this most special and delicate of things. She was up for trying it although chose to remind me once more that she hadn't washed since our session yesterday morning. This leaves me unabashed as I'm quite a fan of the salty fish slice and the crusty remains of my own dear spoodge to the southeast of the left flap was evidence enough that the going was going to be fragrant, to say the least. What I wasn't expecting was the tiny ball of shoite just inside the pink bit of the anus. Now, using a finger to move it away seemed unnecessarily intrusive and likely to make her self conscious so, pausing only to burp loudly, I licked the little fella up and delved deeper. All went extremely well with most encouraging noises from up top and the crusty spooge I'd also inadvertantly licked up went well with the spicy beef taste of the pizza we'd hastily scoffed before whilst watching suitbably filthy porn to get in the mood. After the dhobi and shag, I leant down to kiss the missus but she wasn't having any of it. Off I went to grab some mouthwash but the devil caught me on the landing and I decided to pretend to wash and then returned to give her a proper kiss. Now, I've never done this before so when she tasted the spangle she was very, very unhappy. Then - and I honestly didn't plan this - the little ball of the brown stuff which had lodged itself in my teeth transferred to her on sweet mouth. She moved her tongue over it and asked what it was. "Oh, that's just a little ball of shite I found on the outside of your rectum my darling. I thought it best to eat it. Don't worry." She went absofucvinglutly nuts - in our 4 years of marriage I have never seen her go so genuinely apoplectic. Even after various burglaries and being shot at by the locals in a township, she managed to keep composed but the reality is that she finally realises just how low I am prepared to go in the effort to shock her. She was retching until 4 and hasn't called or even texted me all morning. If there is a next time, I'll be sure to Karcher the whole passage before delving in, the seflish feckin stinky chuffed hooer.
  2. LOL you are a dirty cnut !!!!!!!!!!!!!
  3. You haven't met my wife then :D
  4. RTFQ


    The first and only arrse post to make me feel physically ill. The act i'm fine with, it's your visceral description. Well done sir.
  5. Gentlemen, i think we have a competition winner here...
  6. Well done that man. :lol:

    So it's salad for every meal in your household from now on 8O

  7. Cold Tongue perhaps? :D
  8. Pob02

    Pob02 War Hero Book Reviewer

    Just had to try explain to rather attractive young lady at work exactly what I am doing rolling around on the floor laughing . . . well done you!
  9. I laughed so hard I snorted and fired a long chewy greeny onto the keyboard (makes a change from choking on tea) Classic Post, loved it!:lol:
  10. Was the taste remiscient of the powdery stuff you get at the bottom of a packet of beef monster munch??

    Maybe I was just unlucky :roll:
  11. Not so much but there was a lot of the old white fish batter around the inner lips which managed somehow to congeal into a sour tasting ball of minge puss. Can still taste it now if I try hard enough. The best of it is that if she doesn't wash again today then the whole lot will coagulate into one amorphous clit to shite fishy pube encrusted puss ball of clack glue. Splendid.
  12. EURGHHHH!!! I now feel sick, make the woman wash!
  13. Classic post........ :D
    I guess Scat is definately of her list of things to do................... :x
  14. Pob02

    Pob02 War Hero Book Reviewer

    dear Lord! Just been asked by a French bird at work "What is a 'oop doooooby ?"

    After telling her that REALLY she didn't want to know, the Froggy splitarrse then proceeded to ask all in my little dept. at work what it was.
    The best answer back has to have been "Is it some sort of Starter ?"

    I am still having difficulty breathing as am laughing too much . . .

    ohh no just asked by my naive little continental friend "What is a splitarrse?

    Help me I think I am going to die laughing here!
  15. The white stuff would a yeast based secretion, from her love 'ole.

    It is very good for you, keeps your digestive system sorted, think of it as a pro-biotic type sort of food supplement.

    The time to worry is when you experience this:

    Mark (named changed form Mark to hide his guilt) during a Range Week in Tenby, trapped off with a young welsh fat lass in Owls Night Club (yes you know it !). After a night of fumbling & a squelching, he awakes, with the standard morning glory, rolls over to tickle her rolls.

    She responds, and they a re soon at it, Mark enjoys an ample breast so commences a munching session, preferring the left to the right (reason unknown here - would welcome ideas...) he goes for it, increasing the pace and weight behind each thrust, coupled with his munching and slurping of the teat, he feels a warm liquid, squirt into his mouth, undeterred, he continues and later during a post-coitial smoke, he asks, "here, your pregnant then ?" she replies, after removing the pipe from her mouth, "No,,, I isn't see" "So what was the fluid in me mouth then" Taffy-Bird turns on the light to examine her breast, behold a large red, recently popped boil, right next to her nipple.

    It happens.