The Walters Arms

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by TheIronDuke, Nov 23, 2006.

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  1. No. And 49 Para doesnt exist.

  2. Yes, and I'm Batman

  3. All Walts must die

  4. Marry me lovely Iron Duke

  1. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Welcome Walts one and all to the Walters Arms where you may freely boast of having arrested Mladic single handed and handed him to the UN in secret, or tell us what you SHOULD have said to that traffic warden.

    Because theres a little of the Walt in us all, isn’t there? Yes, I’m talking to you.

    Who hasn’t spent an idle moment conjuring a vision which ends with Scarlett Johanson melting into your arms? Or, if you’re a girl. Brad Pitt. Or, if you’re RM, both.

    Who hasn’t retold a story that starts out as an amusing incident on a beach in Thailand, then two years and many retellings later it turns out you saved the Thai Royal Family and got a walk on part in a Bond film?

    There seems to be an escalating Walt witch hunt going on around here. Some tosser recently suggested that if you wear and form of army kit outside of Basra you are a Walt. They really must meet a chum of mine. A Northumbrian hill farmer up Riedsdale way. He wears nothing but khaki, even on Sunday. His bridge, farm buildings and home are all painted khaki or grey. You may want to call him a Walt some time?

    Now I’ll be the first to smile knowingly when some git is giving it six nowt in the pub about how they saved the Yemen from a submarine single handed, but you know what? Civvies spot a proper Walt almost as quick as an ARRSE Walt Hunter.

    Frock you, Walt Hunters. Because somewhere deep inside, theres a little of the Walt in you. As there is in me, and everybody else.

    My name is The Iron Duke. I come from the internet and I am a Walt.

    Anybody got a problem with that?
  2. You say that once more and I'll take you to the flucking cleaners! :twisted:
  3. All I was saying is he's got a big nose.
  4. We all exaggerate to some extent. It's usually the difference between a tedious factual account and a good, entertaining dit. The wind that nearly blew me off the Grossglockner in '94 gets 5 knots faster every time I tell the story.

    The true Walts are the ones that start with fiction and express it as fact. Regarding the wearing of Issue kit; in the main, it's good outdoor clothing and not to use it is a bloody waste. That said, take the badges off it!
  5. If I take the patches off my kit, people will think I'm not really in 49 Para :roll:
  6. Have I told a few ladies in the past that I'm a Helicopter pilot? Yes (I'm not)

    Did I tell my mates at home I'd been on Penguin Patrol down the Falklands (you know rescuing the penguins that sit at the end of the runway watching planes take off until eventually they fall backwards into land rover tracks.) Rather than tell them about the ten countries I'd been to with the AMF compared to their one "Costa Del......." package deal. Yes ( I haven't even visited FI)

    Like most squaddies the stories you wouldn't believe are the true ones the rest are just for a laugh and the bluffs are easy to spot. Too many people on ARRSE are getting far too serious :roll: :) :) :)
  7. Walters ive sh-- them aint i dale
  8. although if when called a walt you start argueing your not then you deserve all the incoming possible :twisted:
    a because its amusing
    b its even funnier if your really a member of them and get told to fcuk off :twisted:
    c you probably are being a tad bit waltish
  9. I know a lad that was serving SBS, he asked his misses ''what would increase the passion in our sex life'' she came back with ''I want you to dress up as a fireman''.He was none too impressed.That is a true story.

    This place seems have gone a little walt mad at the moment. If it means you get your nuts wet, then say anything to make it so. But it appears ARRSE members are the worse out of the lot. I doubt many members of this site have the right to call anybody a walt.Just making up for something lacking in their own careers.Who are the true walts? The airsofters,collectors,cadets and re-enactors or the wannabe ''Jackawary'' types that frequent this arrse world.
  10. It boils down to intent, really,

    Airsofter = Waltish behavour and laughable outfits, but as long as they stay in the airsoft arena and act out their fantasy's there is it really that bad? Not bad but a great sourse of humour!!!

    Pub Story Walt = Walt behavour with dubious intent, be it clam or beer related, more often to "big" up themselves, should be shot down in flames and any story should be shreaded with the effect of humiliation and laughter at the walt.

    Embellishment Walt = Waltiness behavour by serving or ex-serving normally to gain access to clam! OK if humorus ie: "anti-mine dolphin trainer" etc getting waltier if straying into "them" stories! Actions on include joining in and trying to excede their "humour factor".

    Internet Walt = Ultimate Walt! a danger to sociaty, children and small furry animals! Their intentions are so divious that we cant fathom them!!
    These people must be hounded to the ends of the earth! Outted for all to see, and driven from the hollowed shores of Militaryness!!
  11. Doesn't the fact that this thread has gone straight to The Arrse Hole tell you people anything?
    Soon, any walt orientated thread will end up in here, as the ar$e has been well and truly torn out of it.
    Some people seem determined to push it until they pick up an O2 thief tag.
  12. Why am I suddenly scared that someone called slug-bucket has joined today and is asking me questions? Reveal yourself.........
  13. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    It's probably blondbint stalking you,
    sluggy beware....
  14. Hi. I'm Walt. I done sixteen years army, and ended up in the Mess, for some unknown reason. Someone mistakenly recommended me for promotion. The only time I was really in danger was if I overslept for breakfast, or burnt me hand on the hayboxes. Things like that.

    I even got an LSGC and other things that they handed out, not for bravery, but as a matter of course. Lots of other people place themselves in real danger, especially now.

    I tell stories of really brave people whom I won't forget. I don't mention me in any of them. I think the world of people in the services and think about them every day. If telling the facts to people who should know is waltish, then I'm a walt and proud of it.