The Video Diaries of Paul and Pauline Calf

Discussion in 'Films, Music and All Things Artsy' started by Dale the snail, Dec 10, 2006.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I wet my crackers every time I see it

  2. I think its sticky dog toffee

  3. I think its funny

  4. I am a boring shite and find it completely unfunny

  1. I love you, I'll always be there for you.

    What? In the Toilet?
  2. No in life...
  3. I'd rather see Dave Lee Travis play Macbeth.....SAY IT....You daft b@stard
  4. You've set me up with a false opposition.
  5. How'd ya like it if I cut yer nose off and shoved it up yer arrse?!!
  6. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I am not on trial here today, society is on trial. Oh fcuk it, I'm on trial, aren't I? But I'm not in contention with the prosecution's version of events. On that we agree. There was a student, he was acting up, he got a slap. But I was under severe provocation. There I was, having a quiet pint, when a student walked past and nudged me, causing me to spill a bit. I did what any fine, upstanding citizen would do. I followed him to the toilet and kicked his head in. Perhaps I should have stopped kicking him when he was in the ambulance. But I did what I did because I want to live in a world where we can have a pint without fear of being nudged by a student. I that a crime? Is it a crime to want to live in a world of peace and harmony? Is it a crime to live in a world of love? Is it a crime to hit a student across the back of the head with a snooker ball in a sock?"

    That's where the defence's case collapsed
  7. You've got shite on your shoes.
  8. guru, I can't stop laughing at your photo. "I'm a tiger, grrrr" Was that before they went to the Owl Sanctuary?
  9. "Get us a kebab will yer, plenty of chilli sauce on no cucumber"

    "You've got sh!t shoes on you sh!tty shoe Barsteward"
  10. Do you mean this one?
  11. There comes a time when a man must stand up and say 'I am Paul Calf!', and if you can't accept me, with all my....paradox...well then I'm sorry....ALL I WANT IS A BIT OF RESPECT!!!
  12. I know it's almost a year since this thread was last posted on, but I am looking for a specific quote that I simply just can't remember the exact words to.

    I think it's the bit after Paul and Fat Blobby Bob go into the chemist and Pauline tells them that Julie and Darren have just been in and bought condoms. "What flavour?" "Smoky bacon flavour". Anyhoo, there is scene where Paul asks Julie for everything back that he has ever bought her, and (according to my mate Worm) she chucks him a green lighter.

    Can Guru or P-Chik remember the words she comes out with?

    Thanking you in advance of your speedy reply.

    Snail x
  13. Is it a crime to hit a student across the back of the head with a snooker ball in a sock?
  14. I'll just go and procure some readies from the hole in the wall.
  15. 'Fetch me my reading glasses, Fat Robert'