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The Video Diaries of Paul and Pauline Calf

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Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I am not on trial here today, society is on trial. Oh fcuk it, I'm on trial, aren't I? But I'm not in contention with the prosecution's version of events. On that we agree. There was a student, he was acting up, he got a slap. But I was under severe provocation. There I was, having a quiet pint, when a student walked past and nudged me, causing me to spill a bit. I did what any fine, upstanding citizen would do. I followed him to the toilet and kicked his head in. Perhaps I should have stopped kicking him when he was in the ambulance. But I did what I did because I want to live in a world where we can have a pint without fear of being nudged by a student. I that a crime? Is it a crime to want to live in a world of peace and harmony? Is it a crime to live in a world of love? Is it a crime to hit a student across the back of the head with a snooker ball in a sock?"

That's where the defence's case collapsed
There comes a time when a man must stand up and say 'I am Paul Calf!', and if you can't accept me, with all my....paradox...well then I'm sorry....ALL I WANT IS A BIT OF RESPECT!!!
I know it's almost a year since this thread was last posted on, but I am looking for a specific quote that I simply just can't remember the exact words to.

I think it's the bit after Paul and Fat Blobby Bob go into the chemist and Pauline tells them that Julie and Darren have just been in and bought condoms. "What flavour?" "Smoky bacon flavour". Anyhoo, there is scene where Paul asks Julie for everything back that he has ever bought her, and (according to my mate Worm) she chucks him a green lighter.

Can Guru or P-Chik remember the words she comes out with?

Thanking you in advance of your speedy reply.

Snail x

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