The Utter Cnut, otherwise known as the boss...

#1
My boss seems to think that he is above employment law or any kind of law actually, despite the black and white of my contract he seems to think he can do whatever he wants to shaft his employees! I'm trying my hardest not to smash his face beyond recognition.

Anybody else have a boss who is utter shite? Also plans on what I can do on my last day would be helpful?

My imagination only stems as far as shitting on his desk!
 
#2
Are you in the Army? if so you can really get into trouble with that sort of behaviour you know...especially if it's the RSMs desk :lol:
 

mysteron

LE
Book Reviewer
#3
Try here for good advice:

Clickety-Click

Hope it gets better for you. Alternatively, facts and data + a good employment lawyer = good compensation and no career at your current employer or in that field forever.

Takes your choices....
 
#4
Yeah, my boss is a complete arsehole. I have to work 7 days a week 14 hours a day, in shitty places with no newspapers and none of the things I used to take for granted when I lived in the UK. He's a fu cking slave driver and makes me dot the i's and cross the t's and document everything.

I am self employed.
 
#5
Document every breach of employment law he makes, gathering evidence where possible. Then on your last day launch a formal grievance proceedure, making sure you spend the entire day rubbing his nose in it.

The law's the law and people like him only get away with it because they can make complaining too troublesome. Once you're immune to his efforts, fill your boots.
 
#6
Follow him home, as he opens the front door barge in holding a GBFO knife at his throat, force his wife and daughter to strip naked and have a go on the best looking one, finally pin him to the floor with as many kitchen knives as you can find and set fire to the house.











Did I mention that you ought to wear a mask? I should have.
 

mysteron

LE
Book Reviewer
#7
eodmatt said:
Yeah, my boss is a complete *. I have to work 7 days a week 14 hours a day, in shitty places with no newspapers and none of the things I used to take for granted when I lived in the UK. He's a fu cking slave driver and makes me dot the i's and cross the t's and document everything.

I am self employed.
Yeah - he is a real bar steward that boss.

StabofFire - Of course, you aren't using company resources to post on this site and they don't monitor what is being looked at in company time. No, I am glad you thought of that as well.

Here's hoping your boss hasn't worked out who you are and you aren't either going onto Step 3 or about to have a very miserable life working with him until you leave.
 
#8
StabOfFire said:
My boss seems to think that he is above employment law or any kind of law actually, despite the black and white of my contract he seems to think he can do whatever he wants to shaft his employees! I'm trying my hardest not to smash his face beyond recognition.

Anybody else have a boss who is utter shite? Also plans on what I can do on my last day would be helpful?

My imagination only stems as far as shitting on his desk!
Just shut up and get back to work you whingeing twat. I almost pay you minimum wage don't I?
 
#9
If you have a contract seek legal advice as it could be constructive dismissal?

I once put swarfega in my bosses boots right in the toe area.
He also missed the rotting fish in his cubboard until the maggots started to come alive!

Leaving a steaming turd may be a give away & will also have your DNA on it!!
 
#10
Ordinary Forces - No I'm a STAB as per name and I'm referring to my lovely civvy job!

SmartasCarrots - Believe you me, I'm documenting every breach he makes and have handed him a letter detailing this and my resignation. He know's I have him by the short and curlies (i think, or he really is ignorant).

Mysteron - Yes I am using company resources and do they monitor what I use my PC for? No, because it's additional cost that he doesn't want (although I'm sure it would have been worth every penny, had he been reading this).

CQMS - Spot on, if everyone can continue to come up with sensible ones like yours it will be a day to remember!
 
#11
Markintime said:
StabOfFire said:
My boss seems to think that he is above employment law or any kind of law actually, despite the black and white of my contract he seems to think he can do whatever he wants to shaft his employees! I'm trying my hardest not to smash his face beyond recognition.

Anybody else have a boss who is utter shite? Also plans on what I can do on my last day would be helpful?

My imagination only stems as far as shitting on his desk!
Just shut up and get back to work you whingeing twat. I almost pay you minimum wage don't I?
You're not even man enough to walk out of your office and say that, you spineless bastard!
 

mysteron

LE
Book Reviewer
#12
SoF - Trust me when I say that people do look in the browsing history of workers using company resources - even in small businesses. Don't bother deleting it from the browsing history because any company worth their salt caches it elsewhere anyways.

All evidence to pull against you if you decide to get nasty lawyers involved in any HR related dispute. Not that my company has ever done that against employees.

Still it is the NAAFI Bar, so:

Don't wait until your last day, just go up to his desk with a model of a bridge, cover it with lighter fuel and set it alight. Stick the middle finger of your right hand up and say loudly, "Fcuk you, I fcuked your wife and now you can fcuk your job." Next step up to the photocopier, a curl out a Cleveland Steamer and set the machine onto 1000 copies.

Howzat?

edited for a few typos
 
#13
mysteron said:
Don't wait until your last day, just go up to his desk with a model of a bridge, cover it with lighter fuel and set it alight. Stick the middle finger of your right hand up and say loudly, "Fcuk you, I fcuked your wife and now you can fcuk your job." Next step up to the photocopier, a curl out a Cleveland Steamer and set the machine onto 1000 copies.

Howzat?

edited for a few typos
Finally something useful! :p
 
#14
Peter's Corollary states that "in time, every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out his duties" and adds that "work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence".

Management roles are only there to remove the incompetent away from hands on activities where they may cause problems.
 
#15
jarrod248 said:
StabOfFire said:
My boss seems to think that he is above employment law or any kind of law actually, despite the black and white of my contract he seems to think he can do whatever he wants to shaft his employees! I'm trying my hardest not to smash his face beyond recognition.

Anybody else have a boss who is utter shite? Also plans on what I can do on my last day would be helpful?

My imagination only stems as far as shitting on his desk!
Get anoother job.
I have, but I'm working my notice at present. Thanks for the advice though :lol:
 
#16
CQMS said:
Follow him home, as he opens the front door barge in holding a GBFO knife at his throat, force his wife and daughter to strip naked and have a go on the best looking one, finally pin him to the floor with as many kitchen knives as you can find and set fire to the house.

Did I mention that you ought to wear a mask? I should have.
If you're burning down the house with them all in it, would you need a mask?
Not wearing one means that before he dies, he knows where it all came from.
As long as all the phone lines and mobiles are accounted for then they can't get word out before dying horribly after the torture session.

Well, I would have thought so anyway. I've not ever contemplated anything like that nor would I.
I must have read something similar in a book once.
It's all theory, forget I suggested it... :wink:
 
#17
StabOfFire said:
Markintime said:
StabOfFire said:
My boss seems to think that he is above employment law or any kind of law actually, despite the black and white of my contract he seems to think he can do whatever he wants to shaft his employees! I'm trying my hardest not to smash his face beyond recognition.

Anybody else have a boss who is utter shite? Also plans on what I can do on my last day would be helpful?

My imagination only stems as far as shitting on his desk!
Just shut up and get back to work you whingeing twat. I almost pay you minimum wage don't I?
You're not even man enough to walk out of your office and say that, you spineless bastard!
Because I'm busy grooming kids on the net, now get back to work.
 
#18
Mysteron is correct about the monitoring. I monitor my employees usage, I have their days usage automatically sent to me via email at the end of the day. I started this when I found out that they were spending a lot of the time on facebook. It is of course all legal, as they are using my computers and my time.

The first I thought of when you asked for revenge ideas was to do a great steaming turd on his desk....not unlike the one I offloaded today...all squidgy and stuff it was. Anyway, I digress. you could of course do the usual like put a laxative in his tea...but the thought of all this bad weather in the UK at the moment inspired me to suggest that you cut his break pipes. Thus meaning that when he applied the breaks, of course nothing would happen, but add the icy conditions and that would make additional fun. You would of course have to mount a camera inside the car to record his facial expressions and screams so you could play them back later on.
 
#19
Cabana said:
Mysteron is correct about the monitoring. I monitor my employees usage, I have their days usage automatically sent to me via email at the end of the day. I started this when I found out that they were spending a lot of the time on facebook. It is of course all legal, as they are using my computers and my time.

The first I thought of when you asked for revenge ideas was to do a great steaming turd on his desk....not unlike the one I offloaded today...all squidgy and stuff it was. Anyway, I digress. you could of course do the usual like put a laxative in his tea...but the thought of all this bad weather in the UK at the moment inspired me to suggest that you cut his break pipes. Thus meaning that when he applied the breaks, of course nothing would happen, but add the icy conditions and that would make additional fun. You would of course have to mount a camera inside the car to record his facial expressions and screams so you could play them back later on.
Amateur.

Just loosen one of the brake pipe end fittings until it weeps a very small amount.
That way the brakes will work for a while until he's had chance to get some speed up. He might even make it to the dual carriageway.
 
R

Reversionary_Modes

Guest
#20
As H-hour approaches on your D-day, place a strong laxative in the office coffee machine and cover every bog in the place with clingfilm. It'll go down in the anals - and I do mean the anals - of company history. They'll remember you with great fondness for a long time.
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top