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  1. This is a straight lift from the BBC website - but amusing all the same. One for all those wannabe Brit spams. Rather not have you if it's all the same to you, but Good luck :?

    So for all third-rate American athletes planning to gatecrash the GB 'party', we have devised a simple quiz to see if you are, in the words of the BBC's Rob Bonnet, "More fish and chips than apple pie".


    1. A PRETTY LONDON GIRL INVITES YOU UP THE APPLES AND PEARS WHAT DO YOU DO?
    A) Immediately agree - it's the best offer you've had in ages
    B) Call the cops
    C) Politely decline - you never eat fruit before a big race


    2. YOU TURN ON THE TV AND SEE JACK AND VERA HAVING A SLANGING MATCH, WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?
    A) Coronation Street
    B) Prime Minister's Question Time
    C) Wildlife on One


    3. YOU ARE IN MANCHESTER AND YOU SEE THE SUN COME OUT - WHAT ARE YOUR FIRST THOUGHTS?
    A) Get yourself down to the doctors - you're obviously seeing things
    B) Get out your bucket and spade and wander down to the beach
    C) Assume it is a perfectly normal occurence


    4. SOMEONE INVITES YOU TO A GARETH GATES CONCERT - WHAT SHOULD YOU TAKE?
    A) Ear plugs
    B) A keen interest
    C) An overdose


    5. SOMEONE DECLARES: "I AM A CIDER DRINKER", WHERE ARE YOU?
    A) In Somerset
    B) Having tea with the Queen
    C) In a right old state


    6. HER MAJESTY TAPS YOU ON THE HEAD WITH A BIG SWORD - WHAT DO YOU DO?
    A) Thank her very much and take a bow
    B) Pull out a piece and blow her goddam head off
    C) Pick up your head and calmly walk away



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Congratulations - you have finished the quiz! If you answered mostly a) you are a true Brit. You drink 20 cups of tea a day, enjoy fish and chips, haggis and Yorkshire pudding and love moaning about the weather.


    Malachi Davis - loves his apple pie

    If you answered mostly b), chances are you're a Yankee doodle dandy who calls his dad "sir" and wears caps with his suits. And unless you have a realisitic chance of winning a medal for Britain, stay the hell away!

    If you answered mostly c) you are obviously in need of serious help, although your answer to the Gareth Gates question was perfectly acceptable.