The Turnip Prize

since its now 2011- and some other fucker has nicked the name the turner prise

arrse will have the turnip prise for inspirational and original artworks

photos and drawings maybe entered

the winner gets 15 minutes in a sound proof room with a forum member of there choice- no questions asked and a 1/2 eaten twix

Please feel free to suggest categories and put yourself forward for the judging panel
well aren't I a steaming clunge

never mind what we call it lets see what people come up with

The Real Turner Prize is on TV just now. Unlike previous years they actually have artist who paint....... I have promised SWMBO that I will not get outraged at the utter crap being passed off as art........
Unlike previous years they actually have artist who paint.......
It'll never catch on. Art that looks like things people can recognise? It defeats the entire point*.

*The point, of course, being to replace the army and clergy as the repository of choice for the otherwise-unemployable offspring of the minor gentry.
of course the talented painter who had something to say about the state of Britain was beaten by a load of pretentious twaddle, but that;s the art mafia for you.
The Turner prize is fucking crap and totally irrelevant. Oh an unmade bed, a flashing lightbulb, a dogturd etc, just give any old shit a clever name.
Those who enter should be executed in front of their families! Oh dear, I've gone all Jeremy Clarkson.
Well at least the bint who filled the room with crumpled up paper did not win or the pompus lady who made a short film of .... er ..... some tower blocks...

I enjoy art but just do not get some of the stuff..... I might just be thick.

(I thought the minor gentry married off their unemployable kids or turned them into Courtesans for the rich to use as a cum receptacil).
But art is no longer about things you can recognise. Cameras have been invented for that. "A display of twelve flat screen videos are a nickelodeon of fading radiation, reminding us that no matter how saturated the hunger of the twentyaughts is, it is still a nineteenth-century shell of architecture — and of power — that it shines upon". An unmade bed by Tracey Emin "A consummate storyteller, Tracey Emin engages the viewer with her candid exploration of universal emotions. Well-known for her confessional art, Tracey Emin reveals intimate details from her life to engage the viewer with her expressions of universal emotions. Her ability to integrate her work and personal life enables Emin to establish an intimacy with the viewer. "

These people are conceptual artists. Which is to say, they've got no talent, because "conceptual artist" is a synonym for "pretentious prat". The Turner Prize is dressed up in the verbiage it has to take your mind off that exact point.

(The above two quotes are actually real-honest!)
So Morph, any more on him?
My 8 year old autistic cousin found him in a drawn and was confused why Morph had a willy. He kept asking..... me, his Dad, Mum, Teacher ............. I had some explaining to do*

I'm now banned from Morph modelling.

* Luckily I have a reputation for acting like a kid. I'm also banned from doing naked bar at parties.
The TURNIP prize has already been awarded this evening.

The Rules are :-

1.) Lack of effort
2.) Alliteration or pun used in title
3.) Is it shit?

“Jamming with Muddy Waters”


This year’s prize has been awarded to Jim Drew for his work entitled
“Jamming with Muddy Waters” (A large jar containing muddy water and jam) at a ceremony held at The New Inn, Wedmore, Somerset.

The award was made in front of a packed art loving audience, TV cameramen and photographers cheered when the 102 year old winner zimmered across the gallery floor to accept the prize, a turnip mounted on a six-inch nail. Organisers said, “They were delighted with the lack of effort taken to create the work.”

Jim (a former bush trimmer from Cocklake near Wedmore, Somerset) said, “I am amazed to win this most coveted art award on my first occasion and I truly feel that the lack of effort has really paid off. I aimed low and luckily reached far lower than I could have dreamed. I am amazed at what my mediocrity and indifference has achieved”.

Organiser Trevor Prideaux said, “This year’s event attracted a total of 69 entries, which by strange coincidence is exactly the same amount as last year. It’s fantastic that Jim has won, he clearly has what it takes to be recognised in modern art circles and will be remembered in art history for no time at all!

It’s mud in the eye of the Turner Prize which is ageist and I believe that over the last thirteen years the artists entering ‘The Turnip Prize’ have created by far better works than Nicholas Serota and The Tate Britain Gallery could ever wish to exhibit.”

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