The truth about the NHS

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Ozgerbobble, Jan 19, 2005.

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  1. [​IMG]

    Woman with pen: "OK, five down, malignant growth or tumour, 6 letters, C something, N something, something R?"


    Woman with pen: "Turma..Tirmnul..Temer.. oh fcuk it... look luv d'ya mind if I just put 'dead by tonight'?"


    "So just to recap, you like cous-cous, corned beef and liver, but you hate cardamom, rhubarb and lapsang souchong."

    :twisted: :lol:
  2. She'd get it.

  3. Nice one Ozgerbobble! :D
  4. or
    Ive booked you in to this corridor for a few nights, the en-suite isnt available.
    Woman with pen:
    You have cancer and have only 6 months to live
    What could be worse news than that?
    Woman with pen:
    Nothing really but the good news is, you also have Alzheimer's, so in a month or two you wont even remember I told you.
  5. Or, alternatively:

    'Good news, in three months time you'll no longer be smelling of stale urine and Werther's Originals'
  6. 'So if you just sign here we can get you back down to theatre and Dr Foggerty can slice back into you and retrieve his ipod head set......'

    '...and you have NO living relatives to leave the house to? Oh well then we should get you into a nursing home straight away then!'

    '....and that's S-H-I-P-M-A-N...... and his surgery is in Market Street.....okay then Mrs White we'll get you home now and let Dr Shipman take care of you....'

  7. You forgot sugar puffs there me dears :wink:
  8. "Due to the shortage of nurses, you've been assigned a bureaucrat who has nothing better to do. Please sign this form in triplicate to be allowed to die."
  9. ViroBono

    ViroBono LE Moderator

    'So, in accordance with the new government scheme to avoid bed-blocking, the porter will be along shortly to take you for a shower....'

    'And exactly where were your teeth last time you saw them?'
  11. [​IMG]

    8O 8O 8O 8O :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
  12. Woman in bed: "Take a letter please, Dear Amputees Anonymous..."

    Woman in bed: "No, make that 6 grams of heroin!"

    Woman with pen "Hee hee, this old bitch will never realise I've forged her signature on this do not resuscitate form."

    Woman in Bed "Look dear, I don't mean to be rude, but are you sure you're a nutritionist?"

    Woman in bed "You don't want to use that pen, love. I've just had it up my arrse."

    Woman with pen "Can we have your liver?"
    :twisted: :lol: