The true France?

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by Trip_Wire, Aug 26, 2006.

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  1. Trip_Wire

    Trip_Wire RIP

    The true France

    "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." --Mark Twain
    "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
    --Norman Schwartzkopf
    "We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." --Marge Simpson
    "The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
    --Regis Philbin
    "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better,on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't know." --P.J. O'Rourke (1989)
    "You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940's who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
    --John Mc Cain, U.S. Senator from Arizona ------------------------------

    "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." --Conan O'Brien
    "I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either."
    --Jay Leno
    "The last time the French asked for 'more proof ' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
    --David Letterman
    "Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada." --Ted Nugent
    "War without France would be like . World War II." --Unknown
    "The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'"
    --Tom Brokaw
    "What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?" --Dennis Miller
    "It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us."
    --Alan Kent
    "They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house."
    --Argus Hamilton
    "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq."
    --Dennis Miller
    "Raise your right hand if you like the French, ... raise both hands if you are French."
    Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?
    A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?
    "Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining."
    --John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv
    The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military. ------------------------------

    And the grand finale`.....

    French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
    (AP), Paris, March 5, 2003

    The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.
  2. So apart from that, they are OK.?
  3. whitehorse, well said
  4. Trip_Wire

    Trip_Wire RIP

    You tell me! :lol:
  5. Trip_Wire

    Trip_Wire RIP

    I hadn't seen the article on the two French KIAs. Sorry!

    Perhaps, it was bad timing; however, I see no connection here between a joke posted in the section for humor and a serious thread somewhere else on the board.
  6. Trip-wire a are a putain de con de merde, suceur des boucs en enfer. Give it a rest and urine off for a bit.
  7. You could also look up the casualties in WWI and see in what order France, the UK and the USA fall.

    I'll save you the bother though - I've already put them in the right order.
  8. Trip_Wire

    Trip_Wire RIP

    Geezz! Guys it's a fcuking joke... get over it! Relax!
  9. Bear in mind that the French used to "decimate" their own troops for cowardice though. :wink:

    And so they should take more casualties. Most of WW1 was on their f^cking land! :roll:
  10. Fortunately for us.

    Has just been interesting for me to have been to the Flanders Fields museum (Ypres) and National Army Museum (Chelsea) recently and find out how the French lost twice as many men as we did, bore the brunt of the fighting until 1916 and until then were justified in considering the British input to be of relatively limited value. Until conscription kicked in we didn't actually send that many to the Western Front. Also interesting to see the extent of Romanian losses - lost a huge % of their male population.
  11. I thought they were funny, Tragicly ill-timed though they may be.
  12. Well, they do say that comedy is a matter of timing, don't give up your day job.

    On a side note the French lost over 15,000 at Gallipoli, almost twice as many as the Anzacs and only a few thousand less than us.
  13. Is it me or has this thread become that the french are good at getting killed?
  14. “America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.” - Oscar Wilde

    "You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else." - Winston Churchill

    "Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift"... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git.” - Alexai Sayle

    "When good Americans die they go to Paris.” - Oscar Wilde

    "An asylum for the sane would be empty in America.” - George Bernard Shaw

    "America makes prodigious mistakes, America has colossal faults, but one thing cannot be denied: America is always on the move. She may be going to Hell, of course, but at least she isn't standing still.” - E E Cummings

    "America is a mistake, a giant mistake - Sigmund Freud