The TCM, the gay bird attack, and the carrion cr@p

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by auscam, Mar 15, 2010.

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  1. Random assorted gratuitous weirdness...

    Was wafting home after Traditional Chinese Medical treatment which, unbeknownst to me, had re-activated the nerves which control intestinal activity.

    En route, was attacked by an Indian Mynah, a gaily-named, small, aggressive, territorial, drably-coloured introduced species which is not good to eat, has no song to speak of, and is generally good for nothing. With uncharacteristically catlike reflexes, I whipped off my frayed, faded, flecktarn Feldmutze and flung it fast and fiercely at the fluttering faggot.

    I missed. I blame aerodynamics.

    Arriving home, I took a heaped tablespoonful of epsom salts, because it seemed like a good idea. The ensuing torrent of turd originally smelled reassuringly shitlike, then turned chemical, then STANK, yes REEKED of carrion.

    Yeah. Phew!
     
  2. The only words I recognised were Traditional Chinese Medical treatment.....can you decipher the rest for me! =(

    TCM = acupuncture or herbs?
     
  3. Since when did traditional Chinese medicine include drinking a pint of toilet duck?
     
  4. Yes.

    Translation follows;

    Back hurts. Get help for back. Back good now, walk home.

    FUCK, bird, bad bird, make bird go!

    Bird gone, go home.

    Home now, take salts.

    Ooh yuck, Yuck, YUCK!

    How's that? :)
     
  5. Old Korean proverb: 'If a jug falls onto a stone, it breaks. If a stone falls onto a jug, the jug still breaks. Poor jug'.

    ..............well, it made as much sense as Chinese needles in the groin, avian immigrants, disreputable headwear and your impacted colon.
     
  6. Look bastards, I was simply pointing out how a simple well-intended aim can turn weird on you.
     
  7. 'toilet duck' indeed, I haven't touched the stuff since 2008! Fucking cheek! :)
     
  8. That's utterly amazing, Auscam. Totally gripping stuff. Otherwise, how was your sightseeing tour of the aluminium-smelting company?

    MsG
     
  9. I'm more interested in his bowel cancer.
     
  10. (assumes thick Austrian accent) It'z nod uh tooma!
     
  11. Thanks Auscam....that sure is an interesting life you lead.
    I presume acupuncture for the back then?
    I do great massages....
    Might be in Aus during August.... 8)
     
  12. Will it be safe? There's random weirdness aplenty around here, it's proliferating! (what a lot of syllables!)
     
  13. Wow you really don't get the concept of banter do you?
    Bloody good stalker though!
     
  14. Scuba Frog thought I was stalking him a while back, Christ knows why (didn't stop me from giving his paranoia a nudge though)
     
  15. The crows...the crows...

    ARK ARK

    Mummy make it stop!

    AAAAAAARK

    Noooooo!

    AAAARK OWWWWRK

    The darkness is closing in...

    AAAAAAARK

    (whimpers)