The sweet joy of old fartdom

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by TheIronDuke, Mar 12, 2009.

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  1. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Well there should be a place around here where we're not all going "I dont BELIEVE it" and acting like grumpy old men. Thats been done and Rick Wakeman got the royalties. Bastard.

    So, this thread is devoted to the wonder of getting old.

    I'll start shall I?


    I can play Sweet Home Alamama at 267 decibels, stark naked and dancing. Then I can play Jesus Is Just All Right By Me by the Doobie Brothers.

    And they cant touch me for it.

    Lauren Bacall said "Getting old aint for pussies" and I am sure she was right.

    But I was never big on rolling over and having my chin stroked. And I do not intend to start now.

    Getting old is double mint, so far.

    How is it for you?
  2. Fantastic. I have more dosh now than ever, excuses not to pish it up the wall as soon as I get it (sorry, lads, need to go home to the missus) , an entire mind full of memories and experiences - most enjoyable of all, nobody expects me to do all the physical stuff they used to when I was young, so I can pretty much stick to exercising for enjoyment rather than necessity.

    Ok, I've got a touch of arthritis in both hands and each day I need to pee at 3.30am on the dot, but that's a small price to pay.
  3. Look on the bright side. You may need to pee as 0330, but being an old fart means you don't need to get out of bed to do it.
  4. After I hit the big four oh, I stopped referring to my expanding waistline as a "beer belly", now it's classed as Middle age spread.
  5. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Yep. I'm not as fast as I used to be, but nobody expects me to be. So I can relax and chill. I like it.

    I'm still getting used to people listening to me. I used to have to shout. Now I dont. People think I know what I am talking about, the poor fools.
  6. Depends where you work and what you're doing, for instance I've been in my current job for nine years and because we ain't taken anyone on since I'm still the 'new kid' and also the youngest there apart from the bird in the office. :)

    I'm, 55 this year FFS!!

    Plus it's a physically demanding job so I'm probably as fit as I was 25 years ago, mind you I also wake up busting for a piss at 4.55 every morning which is a fcuking pain especially when it's only another hour till the alarm goes off and it's a toss up between unloading or risking a swamp. :D
  7. Being older I can gob off about anything.
    Other oldies listen to me because they think I am sharing my wisdom,
    and the young guns just ignore me because they think i am an irrelavant geriatric old fart.
  8. First bit yep

    Second bit 0500 sharpish for R-M.

    Happily divorced with NO maintenance and my own house.

    Youngish tarts don't see me as a threat either so I get do lots of the old "your husband doesn't know how lucky he is the Barsteward etc".

    I wish to feck I knew 20 years ago what I know now.
  9. Pension that matches the average wage. 5% rise in April.
    Hard cash under the bed.

    Swim every day, and feel right fit.

    And from this April, if you are over 60 swimming will be free, check with your

    local pool, mine is 'register on 16th March'

    It's my Birthday today and I am right old. born 1941

    First glass of wine is now not so much over the yard arm but nearer 1500 hrs

  10. Such a relief to read this. I have to have a pee at around 0230 !!

    Now my son is in the army, so my bullshit war stories have an appreciative audience. Now he has the six-pack stomach, and I have the "Homer"

    Its great at 53 - I just don't give a shit
  11. Thanks guys, I feel positively young now at 47, who needs a six pack when you can have a polypin for a stomach, early morning pee is a necessity though and get young 'uns to actually listen to what you say too, especially about life in the Forces ( although a lot has changed since I was in)
  12. Being an old fart myself I cant stand these other old farts who moan about how weak and irregular their bodily functions are. I pis* like a stallion every morning at 8am and then dump for Britain at 9am sharp. The only problem is I don't wake up till 10 am.
  13. I'm 50 now and still manage to complete 4 Jodrels a day, ususally after the early moning unine.
    Match That
  14. Early forties, GSOH, hung like a ... oops, wrong site, :oops:

    The problem with being an oldie is we still "think" we're a youngster at times and come a cropper. Worse things happen at sea they say, I wouldn't know..

    When I was young I was/could;

    a) Thin
    - now I'm thin on top
    b) Fit
    - now I'm fit to burst
    c) Good looking
    - now I'm good at looking
    d) Drink like a Fish
    - these days if I don't wake about 2.30am I'll smell like one in the morning. hangovers not as bad but the three days of tiredness that follow a sesh just hack me off
    e) Great Dancer
    - these days I've lost it, but look a natural doing the birdie song etc, "Oops upside your head" floor conga these days? Only if you'll pass me the buffet down to me afterwards
    f) Sex
    - thems for putting coal in

    Wouldn't change it for the world. :D :D
  15. Oh, dear, me and all. I know exactly what you mean and lying in bed at around 4 o'clock wondering whether it's worth getting up for a pee or not......falling asleep in the armchair in front of the back goes out more than I do......all the drawbacks of approaching 60.
    Still, get away with a lot more at work than I used to. One of the owners e-mailed the managers that one of the workers wasn't pulling their weight. All the other managers commented that they would "have meetings", "call a disciplinary interview" etc etc. I e-mailed back "Snitch".