The Story of Billy Bumble-Beard

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by scroffula, Dec 26, 2008.

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  1. Here's a little story I might want to sing it note for note:

    In a town not far away lived a man called Billy Bumble-Beard. He had a beard made entirely of bees and you can only begin to imagine the fun and adventures Billy and his facial apiary had. One day (Tuesday) his bees saved a mental girl who was rolling around the park thinking she was covered in ants and on another day (Friday) they saved Mrs Pollington's special mushroom and aubergine pie from being stolen by the Glowworm Street gang (curse them).

    But although Billy's beard made his life interesting, Billy was lonely and a bit sexually frustrated because women would run a mile when they saw his weird beard, sometimes shouting 'weirdy beardy! weirdy beardy!' (and sometimes 'fatty face! fatty face!' and even on one occasion 'pete o'file!' or something like that). However, one day, a woman who wasn't all that bad - and had all her own teeth and a hair cut from supa-cuts - happened to see as Billy's beard bees saved a girl who was out walking her brother in the park. She fell in love with our Billy and that very night took him back to her place...

    Well, the last time I saw Billy Bumble-Beard was in the A+E Department of St Lucifer's Hospital where I work as a fluffer. He was sat there looking glum with his crotch all bandaged up. I was suprised at this as his life had seemed to be on the up only the day before, when I had bumped into him in Woolies whilst I was buying a 'Daddy, I've Done a Poo-Poo' doll for my daughter. So I immediately went up to him and asked what was wrong. And he said: 'It's just my fcuking luck to get off with Marjorie Wasp-Fanny!'.

  2. You're still not as good as the real Scrofula but keep trying you'll get there eventually :D
    But don't worry, be happy :wink:
  3. Weirdest thing I ever read!
  4. Hi quoll, that's nothing the real Scrofula knocks spots of him for weirdness!
  5. Stooping to picking on kids Jarrod, nice one :wink:
  6. Scroffula:

    One of the wonderful things about our world is there are so many different things one can do.

    If writing stories does not turn out to be a career choice there are so many other things you could do. Do not despair, keep trying and be sure to take the medicine the nice nurse gives you.
  7. You gonna feel bad if it turns out he really is a kid? Nope didn't think so :D
  8. I read Viz too Srof.
  9. mercurydancer

    mercurydancer LE Book Reviewer

    scrofula... Ive not had thoughts like that since I had that dark beer in U Vejvodu

    While you are here, can you clarify something? In a bar in Prague I was "introduced" to a quaint custom of putting cheese into beer. I thought it was a tourist wind-up but it did taste really good. Is it a genuine thing?
  10. I'm with scaleyback, it's a straight plagiarism lift from Viz magazine.