The State Of The ARRSE Address

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by TheIronDuke, Nov 9, 2011.

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  1. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    My valued Moderators asked me to do a special ‘6,000[SUP]th[/SUP] post from our Good CO' address. But I was busy worming the cat so welcome to my 6,020[SUP]th[/SUP] post State Of The ARRSE Address.

    My mind goes back to that misty night in January 2002 when I invited a couple of fellow officers to a small country pub in Blandford Forum to discuss their personal issues. Little did we know as the beer flowed and the first Bad CO asked if the Babycham was chilled, that all these years later we would have spawned the Wonder That Is ARRSE.

    I have to say that I am proud, proud and humbled to see what you, the little people have made of our initial strategic concept.

    Those of you who have been chosen to receive the ARRSE Insiders Newsletter will know that our journey has not been without bumps in the road. Bad CO was my constant companion and close personal associate until that ill-fated night on the Brouwersgracht in Amsterdam when he just seemed to vanish. One minute, there was Kev, at my side and steadfast as ever. Then he was gone, a soft plop in the oily water the only marking of his passage. But the new Bad CO, Hercule The Belgian is doing sterling work. Mature Dating UK was Hercules idea and it has been a big hit.

    Many people ask me, ‘Lovely Iron Duke, who the fuck is who around here’ and it is a fair question.

    Those of us who run the joint cannot post under our real nics. Think about it. ARRSE is watched by some senior and some VERY SENIOR officers. And spooks. And journo’s. So it would not do if I, as Good CO started batting on about how, precisely, I would torture our Home Secretary Theresa May to death with a blow torch, a Bosch drill. a broken chair leg and a pair of pliers.

    So around 2005 we all adopted ‘Sock’ nics. So nobody would know.

    Sixty – Panzerknacker was the first to be ‘outed’. Derek never was the sharpest tool in the box so none of us were really surprised.

    Jarrod – PorridgeGun took a while longer, but she always lacked focus and attention to detail that one. A flighty piece from the off.

    Astonishingly, Snail has yet to be outed. By anybody. It just goes to show, one should never dismiss the talents of fat grammar school boys just because they wear glasses and dress badly.

    Lonely Hearts appears to be Moderated by me as Good CO but that is a ruse. It is Alec_Lomas pretending to be me.

    There are others. Honest, hard working officers and gentlemen like me, who toil selflessly so that you, the common people may enjoy your ARRSE experience. And I thank you all.

    If, on this wonderful occasion of my 6,020[SUP]th[/SUP] post you feel there is anything, anything at all that we may do to enhance your ARRSE experience, please do not hesitate to PM any one of my Moderators. Because we live to serve. We really do.

    Thank you all.
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  2. Been on the Domestos again?
  3. I think the spincter awards should be resurrected
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  4. Dear God! Old chap's gone gone "arrse happy"!
  5. Don't you think it's about time you put the door back on the microwave oven?
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  6. Your Dukeness I shall be in south shields this very weekend and will thank you personally. Near the lighthouse Saturday lunchtime ok? Just plain bonio is fine for the dog as he soon gets the shits.
  7. Could I have an increase in pocket money please Mr Iron Duke? Chewing tobacco is getting very expensive.

    Well you did say"anything"! And I won't tell the others!

    And I will even ghost your 12,040th post if you feel a little "elderly" by then.
  8. to you sir, i doff ones cap,,,,,,,
  9. I take it the CDT team haven't been around in a while, any way everyone knows Sluggy is famous, she was in Cell Block H.
  10. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    That explains how you get away with posting gratuitous and disgusting things about garden buildings all over the shop.

    Anyone else and we'd have been banned a long time ago.

    You sicken me with your double standards.
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  11. No I wasn't, stoopid. I was in London's Burning. I was the big burly fireman.
  12. Well it's certainly shed some light on a lot of things.
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