The Spirit of the Stairs

The French have a term called ‘L’esprit du l’escalier’ or ‘the spirit of the stairs’. It applies to the moments after a verbal confrontation, when you think of a smart answer, but far too late, usually after your walking down the stairs.

I’ve spent my life being a victim to this phenomenon. Like most people, I have a simple technique to cope with the humiliation. I simply pretend later on in the pub, that I actually thought up my smart remark on the spot, and delivered it, rapier-like to my enemy.

I feel that now is the time for me and my fellow ARRSERs to come clean. You know what I’m on about. How many times have you big timed it in the pub about how you really let someone have it, with a put-down of Stephen Fry standards, whilst secretly knowing that you’d been verbally bitch slapped whilst looking at your shoes the whole time.

You’ll feel better for admitting it, and your real mates need never know.

For instance, my first job after leaving the army was as a ‘Survey Technician Assistant.’ This meant driving a land-rover at 30 miles an hour all over the country, a massive departure from my previous career. After a couple of weeks, I showed up 15 minutes late for work, and was given a bollocking by my new boss, a munchkin, who looked like Reg Holdsworth but with none of the Corrie character's lighthearted idiocy. When he’d finished telling me how lucky I was to be in a job at all, I looked him straight in the eye,

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”

I was as mad as a lorry for the afternoon, ashamed at my complete capitulation. It was only later that it occurred to me that I should have said.

“You can stick your fcuking job up your ARRSE you fat little cu-nt. I’ve a good mind to keep hitting you till I get bored.”

This cheered me up no end, and by the time I arrived in the pub that evening, I’d embellished the incident to such a point, that my boss had actually begged not to leave.

Anyone else??
do you have the ability to read minds ????

not 5 minutes ago i have just put the phone down to the rudest c*nt i've ever had the misfortune to speak to in my life , we have just repaired his car , and the cheeky f*cking c-unt had the cheek to say we've damaged it

to put this in perspective , this nigerian f*ckers old nail has done 263,000 miles , and there is not one panel on it that wouldn't look out of place in a mad max film .....
the conversation went (and should of gone) like this.

"well sir , you have signed for this as old damage , on the drivers report"

"no sir , your vehicle hasn't been damaged in the workshop"
(perhaps it got damaged on re-entry from the f*cking moon , judging by the mileage on it)

"well i can assure you sir that a small rear end collision wouldn't have stopped your electric window working"
(i'd love to stop your f*cking lungs working you cheeky c-unt)

" please feel free to drop by , and we can look at it together , and decide from there"
(and i can beat you to death with a jack handle , and put your body in the baler)

"have a nice day"
(hope the next time you crash it's fatal)

cheers mate , i feel much better for getting that off my chest. :D

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