The Seven Stages of Relationships?

I’ve just received a disturbing email saying that the seven stages of relationships are:

Proximity, Physical Attraction, Emotional Attraction, Intimacy, Romance, Passion, Commitment.

What a lot of tramp’s wormy poo. Surely they are:

Alcohol, Temporary physical attraction, Copping a feel, Scuttling from behind, Dirty Sanchez, Wiping on the curtains, Running away.

What are your tips for a happy relationship?
1.apply chloroform to rag to hotel in Portugal
3.abduction time
5.bury corpse
6. tell newspapers you've lost your kid
7.write a book
9 profit
I only used to have two stages: get together; get sick of her.
1. Drive around Derbyshire
2. Buy alcohol for women
3. ???????
4. Profit
Oh so very wrong. Let me amend:

1. Drive around Derbyshire
2. Buy alcohol for middle-aged women
3. Settle for a sea monster with makeup
7. Apply ointment and see a specialist

[Steps 4 to 6 would make John Merrick puke.]
The Japanese have a slight variation of this type
Get sick on her
Is that the new version..

'Wham, bam, barf on her clam'


Bashful - When you first meet

Happy - when you finally get togother

Sleepy - from all the initial non-stop sex

Sneezy - Because you're always with each other you catch each others lurgy

Dopey - when you marry them

Grumpy - for the rest of your lives/relationship

Doc - who you go to get STD checked when it ends after you discover your OH is a dirty whore/manwhore
I thought there were only four

Find Em

Finger Em

Fuck Em

Forget em

Which in a sense does fall into these categories I suppose:

Proximity, Well obviously you have to be near one to FIND EM.

Physical Attraction, Goes without saying whether it be a big fat munter or a Swedish Bimbo there must BE something you like.

Emotional Attraction, Questions, Is it too late, do I need to spend money, will anybody see me leave etc.

Intimacy, "Do you wanna Fuck ?

Romance, Fingers, fingers, fingers !

Passion, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, FaaaaaaaAAAARK.

Commitment. OK. See Ya
There was some black American rock and roll musician, Little Richard perhaps ? , who was jailed for underage sex and on being interviewed about that incident said ' An erect penis has no conscience '. That pretty well sums it up - hardon, grief.

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