The Seven Stages of Relationships?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by ScouseD, Jan 8, 2011.

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  1. I’ve just received a disturbing email saying that the seven stages of relationships are:

    Proximity, Physical Attraction, Emotional Attraction, Intimacy, Romance, Passion, Commitment.

    What a lot of tramp’s wormy poo. Surely they are:

    Alcohol, Temporary physical attraction, Copping a feel, Scuttling from behind, Dirty Sanchez, Wiping on the curtains, Running away.

    What are your tips for a happy relationship?
  2. 1.apply chloroform to rag to hotel in Portugal
    3.abduction time
    5.bury corpse
    6. tell newspapers you've lost your kid
    7.write a book
    9 profit
  3. 1. Drive around Derbyshire
    2. Buy alcohol for women
    3. ???????
    4. Profit
  4. I only used to have two stages: get together; get sick of her.
  5. The Japanese have a slight variation of this type
    Get sick on her
  6. Oh so very wrong. Let me amend:

    1. Drive around Derbyshire
    2. Buy alcohol for middle-aged women
    3. Settle for a sea monster with makeup
    7. Apply ointment and see a specialist

    [Steps 4 to 6 would make John Merrick puke.]
  7. Is that the new version..

    'Wham, bam, barf on her clam'
  8. Bashful - When you first meet

    Happy - when you finally get togother

    Sleepy - from all the initial non-stop sex

    Sneezy - Because you're always with each other you catch each others lurgy

    Dopey - when you marry them

    Grumpy - for the rest of your lives/relationship

    Doc - who you go to get STD checked when it ends after you discover your OH is a dirty whore/manwhore
  9. I thought there were only four

    Find Em

    Finger Em

    Fuck Em

    Forget em

    Which in a sense does fall into these categories I suppose:

    Proximity, Well obviously you have to be near one to FIND EM.

    Physical Attraction, Goes without saying whether it be a big fat munter or a Swedish Bimbo there must BE something you like.

    Emotional Attraction, Questions, Is it too late, do I need to spend money, will anybody see me leave etc.

    Intimacy, "Do you wanna Fuck ?

    Romance, Fingers, fingers, fingers !

    Passion, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, FaaaaaaaAAAARK.

    Commitment. OK. See Ya
  10. There was some black American rock and roll musician, Little Richard perhaps ? , who was jailed for underage sex and on being interviewed about that incident said ' An erect penis has no conscience '. That pretty well sums it up - hardon, grief.