The search is on

#1
The search for a new head of the BBC is on, nominations, comedy or serious gratefully accepted. I (semi-seriously)
nominate Ian Hislop.
 

TheresaMay

ADC
Moderator
DirtyBAT
#5
Serious answer - Anne Widdecombe.

She'd sort the wishy-washy pricks out.

I wouldn't mind running it myself mind... First thing I'd do is scrap the license fee and open it up for advertising - but I'd ban any Xmas ads until 17th Dec (instead of fucking Oct 24th... ASDA!). I'd also ban Stephen K Amos and Lenny Henny from making all their comedy about skin colour (racism applies to YOU as well, you unfunny cunts). I'd bring back comedies like Coupling and Men Behaving Badly, instead of the shite they peddle out now. And I'd sack Johnathon "please welcome my special guest, Wicky Gervais" Wossy. And Graham Norton. I'd have more programmes involving impossibly skinny women with impossibly large breasts, just to piss off all these 'real women' that constantly bang on about how being big isn't an issue for them (clearly).

With all the extra cash raised from advertising and sponsorship, I'd muscle Sky out of the market and start getting decent sport back on our screens so that we A. don't have to pay for a further subscription, B. dont have to then pay an additional subscription for the channel I actually want, and C. dont have to then pay-per-view to watch anything really worth watching on top of the A. standard subscription and B. additional subscription.

I'd also allow newsreaders to report crime stories with the phrases like "unsurpisingly, the theft was carried out by someone from Eastern Europe..."

I'd have interesting opinion polls like "Is Caroline Wyatt really a man?" and "Would you let Will Gompertz look after YOUR kids?"

And for the sexist males among you, I'd run more light-hearted ones such as, "Kaplinsky vs Sian Williams - which would you rather be hanging out the back of?"

Oh, and finally I'd have an Eastenders Series Finale. Two hours of misery, ending in the death of / cheating of / misery of every single overpaid actor on the show. It wouldn't all be doom and gloom however; I'd make sure each one got a washing machine first, and took them on a bus trip to Margate before it all went Pete Tong. And I'd replace it with a second series of Flash Forward.

Can I have my £500K a year now please?
 
#6
Serious answer - Anne Widdecombe.

She'd sort the wishy-washy pricks out.

I wouldn't mind running it myself mind... First thing I'd do is scrap the license fee and open it up for advertising - but I'd ban any Xmas ads until 17th Dec (instead of fucking Oct 24th... ASDA!). I'd also ban Stephen K Amos and Lenny Henny from making all their comedy about skin colour (racism applies to YOU as well, you unfunny cunts). I'd bring back comedies like Coupling and Men Behaving Badly, instead of the shite they peddle out now. And I'd sack Johnathon "please welcome my special guest, Wicky Gervais" Wossy. And Graham Norton. I'd have more programmes involving impossibly skinny women with impossibly large breasts, just to piss off all these 'real women' that constantly bang on about how being big isn't an issue for them (clearly).

With all the extra cash raised from advertising and sponsorship, I'd muscle Sky out of the market and start getting decent sport back on our screens so that we A. don't have to pay for a further subscription, B. dont have to then pay an additional subscription for the channel I actually want, and C. dont have to then pay-per-view to watch anything really worth watching on top of the A. standard subscription and B. additional subscription.

I'd also allow newsreaders to report crime stories with the phrases like "unsurpisingly, the theft was carried out by someone from Eastern Europe..."

I'd have interesting opinion polls like "Is Caroline Wyatt really a man?" and "Would you let Will Gompertz look after YOUR kids?"

And for the sexist males among you, I'd run more light-hearted ones such as, "Kaplinsky vs Sian Williams - which would you rather be hanging out the back of?"

Oh, and finally I'd have an Eastenders Series Finale. Two hours of misery, ending in the death of / cheating of / misery of every single overpaid actor on the show. It wouldn't all be doom and gloom however; I'd make sure each one got a washing machine first, and took them on a bus trip to Margate before it all went Pete Tong. And I'd replace it with a second series of Flash Forward.

Can I have my £500K a year now please?
If the real david Cameron was like you I would be much less grumpy.
 

CanteenCowboy

LE
Book Reviewer
#8
Serious answer - Anne Widdecombe.

She'd sort the wishy-washy pricks out.

I wouldn't mind running it myself mind... First thing I'd do is scrap the license fee and open it up for advertising - but I'd ban any Xmas ads until 17th Dec (instead of fucking Oct 24th... ASDA!). I'd also ban Stephen K Amos and Lenny Henny from making all their comedy about skin colour (racism applies to YOU as well, you unfunny cunts). I'd bring back comedies like Coupling and Men Behaving Badly, instead of the shite they peddle out now. And I'd sack Johnathon "please welcome my special guest, Wicky Gervais" Wossy. And Graham Norton. I'd have more programmes involving impossibly skinny women with impossibly large breasts, just to piss off all these 'real women' that constantly bang on about how being big isn't an issue for them (clearly).

With all the extra cash raised from advertising and sponsorship, I'd muscle Sky out of the market and start getting decent sport back on our screens so that we A. don't have to pay for a further subscription, B. dont have to then pay an additional subscription for the channel I actually want, and C. dont have to then pay-per-view to watch anything really worth watching on top of the A. standard subscription and B. additional subscription.

I'd also allow newsreaders to report crime stories with the phrases like "unsurpisingly, the theft was carried out by someone from Eastern Europe..."

I'd have interesting opinion polls like "Is Caroline Wyatt really a man?" and "Would you let Will Gompertz look after YOUR kids?"

And for the sexist males among you, I'd run more light-hearted ones such as, "Kaplinsky vs Sian Williams - which would you rather be hanging out the back of?"

Oh, and finally I'd have an Eastenders Series Finale. Two hours of misery, ending in the death of / cheating of / misery of every single overpaid actor on the show. It wouldn't all be doom and gloom however; I'd make sure each one got a washing machine first, and took them on a bus trip to Margate before it all went Pete Tong. And I'd replace it with a second series of Flash Forward.

Can I have my £500K a year now please?
Do keep up, Johnathon 'Wossy' Ross, left Auntie and his high paid job some time ago for a better paid job on the other side. And he is doing quite a number of adverts for Sky, so I dont think you'll be able to beggar him as you undoubtely wish. Personally I think Graham Norton is quite funny. Your plan for the 'Neu' BBC is quite unrealistic.

Back to the drawing board I believe.

I would nominate, seriously, Ian Hislop as well, but with trepidation, as we know what his legal record is like, but I believe it would keep the politicians on their toes.

A comedy nomination would be myself, but only if I could have a late start Monday, early finish Friday and Wednesday afternoons off for 'sport'! Such Herculean effort on my behalf would only require an annual salary of £250,000, so I am the cheap option.
 

TheresaMay

ADC
Moderator
DirtyBAT
#10
Ref: Wossy...

Ok I concede (shows how much TV I watch)

...in which case I'd employ him again so I could sack him for having a speech impediment.

And Canteen Cowboy - I totally agree. My 'Neu BBC' is fun, honest, and value for license-payers money.

Of course it's unrealistic.
 
#11
I'll do it. I don't even need half a mil as pay. I'll start by going around Broadcasting House and issuing and give anyone seen with a copy of the 'Guardian' their P45.

Then I'll request the abolition of the licence fee.

By the time I've finished only three parts of the Beeb will be left. The World Service, the Sports broadcasters and Radio 3. And I will personally take great pleasure in notifying all those responsible for making and broadcasting 'Frankie's Story' that their careers in broadcasting are over, and that they'll have to turn tricks for coins.
 
#12
I'd just have one channel, and it would show Top Gear, the Grand Prix, Rugby and international football, HIGNFY, Mock the Week and re-runs of Spooks.


That's it.




So a bit like Dave really, but with new material and sport.
 
#14
JT raises a good point.


I'm changing my suggestion to "So a bit like Dave really, but with new material and sport. And tits."



Am I hired?
 
#16
Good.


I'll start next Monday.










And finish on Friday. That'll be £4,567,912.86 please.
 
#18
Think the Beeb still needs a news branch. The only thing that's wrong with it is that it's packed full of pinkos, and all it needs is a bit more balance. So adverts in the 'Times' rather than the 'Guardian' to ensure that there's a bit more balance.

As for the 'entertainment' side, I'm sick of the fact that every 'comedian' that gets on TV turns out to be someone like Marcus Brigstoke or Mark Steel. The Beeb wouldn't sign up BNP members to make 'comedy' programmes or appear on HIGNFY, so I don't see why it should be employing members of the SWP and other assorted far-left wankers. Again, if w_w were DG that particular practice would end.
 

udipur

LE
Book Reviewer
#19
Is it about turning a quid or making good telly?

The Beeb has 3.6 billion to spend each year plus whatever it can flog on its shows for (Top Gear to Dave, all the shite shows to Oz etc).

So we need a commercially savvy bod who's capable to fronting up to the 'creatives' in the team (anyone ever worked near advertising?).

Personally, I'd like to see Rebekah Brooks in the job. Not because I like her in any way but she's got the balls to take on the malingerers, the commercial savvy to squeeze an extra quid out of everything and now her cover's blown, we won't have to put up with any pious crap about standards.
 
#20


I remember being a school kid in the mid 90s when cable telly first came out. L!VE TV had topless darts, naked weather girls and some cracking porn. That bloke who now does the talkshow on LBC used to narrate topless darts. (I'm guessing those pics were originally from L!VE TV?)


L!VE TV - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


L!VE TV was a British television station that was operated by MGN on cable television from 12 June 1995 - 31 October 1999. It was later revived for Sky from 2003. In 2006, the new L!VE TV's name was changed to Babeworld to reflect the channel's gradual change of focus towards "adult material".

Among its programmes were Topless Darts, produced by future Times journalist Sathnam Sanghera[1] with commentary by comedian Jimmy Frinton,[2] the surreal talent show Spanish Archer, Talgarth Trousers, (a comedy sketch show) and Canary Wharf, a soap opera, which used the station's offices in the Docklands as a set. Other features were the weather, read in Norwegian by a blonde model (Eva Bjertnes or Anne-Marie Foss) wearing a bikini, Britain's Bounciest Weather with Rusty Goffe (known, although uncredited, for his appearance as an Oompa Loompa in the 1971 film Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory) who due to his small stature bounced on a trampoline while doing the forecast (bouncing higher the further north he was talking about), Tiffany's Big City Tips, in which model Tiffany Banister gave the financial news while stripping to her underwear,[3] Painted Ladies, which involved topless girls "painting" on large sheets of paper with various body parts[4] and the News Bunny, a person in a rabbit suit who stood behind a newsreader making gestures and expressions for each item.[3][5]
Brilliant! Sounds like something arrse would come up with :)
 

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