The search is on

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by samain11, Nov 13, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. The search for a new head of the BBC is on, nominations, comedy or serious gratefully accepted. I (semi-seriously)
    nominate Ian Hislop.
  2. For fun Jeremy Clarkson

    Serious Andrew Neil
  3. 123

    123 LE

    Paul Merson
  4. Talk about a poisoned chalice.
  5. TheresaMay

    TheresaMay LE Moderator DirtyBAT

    Serious answer - Anne Widdecombe.

    She'd sort the wishy-washy pricks out.

    I wouldn't mind running it myself mind... First thing I'd do is scrap the license fee and open it up for advertising - but I'd ban any Xmas ads until 17th Dec (instead of fucking Oct 24th... ASDA!). I'd also ban Stephen K Amos and Lenny Henny from making all their comedy about skin colour (racism applies to YOU as well, you unfunny cunts). I'd bring back comedies like Coupling and Men Behaving Badly, instead of the shite they peddle out now. And I'd sack Johnathon "please welcome my special guest, Wicky Gervais" Wossy. And Graham Norton. I'd have more programmes involving impossibly skinny women with impossibly large breasts, just to piss off all these 'real women' that constantly bang on about how being big isn't an issue for them (clearly).

    With all the extra cash raised from advertising and sponsorship, I'd muscle Sky out of the market and start getting decent sport back on our screens so that we A. don't have to pay for a further subscription, B. dont have to then pay an additional subscription for the channel I actually want, and C. dont have to then pay-per-view to watch anything really worth watching on top of the A. standard subscription and B. additional subscription.

    I'd also allow newsreaders to report crime stories with the phrases like "unsurpisingly, the theft was carried out by someone from Eastern Europe..."

    I'd have interesting opinion polls like "Is Caroline Wyatt really a man?" and "Would you let Will Gompertz look after YOUR kids?"

    And for the sexist males among you, I'd run more light-hearted ones such as, "Kaplinsky vs Sian Williams - which would you rather be hanging out the back of?"

    Oh, and finally I'd have an Eastenders Series Finale. Two hours of misery, ending in the death of / cheating of / misery of every single overpaid actor on the show. It wouldn't all be doom and gloom however; I'd make sure each one got a washing machine first, and took them on a bus trip to Margate before it all went Pete Tong. And I'd replace it with a second series of Flash Forward.

    Can I have my £500K a year now please?
    • Like Like x 2
  6. If the real david Cameron was like you I would be much less grumpy.
  7. Erm... he works for ITV!
  8. CanteenCowboy

    CanteenCowboy LE Book Reviewer

    Do keep up, Johnathon 'Wossy' Ross, left Auntie and his high paid job some time ago for a better paid job on the other side. And he is doing quite a number of adverts for Sky, so I dont think you'll be able to beggar him as you undoubtely wish. Personally I think Graham Norton is quite funny. Your plan for the 'Neu' BBC is quite unrealistic.

    Back to the drawing board I believe.

    I would nominate, seriously, Ian Hislop as well, but with trepidation, as we know what his legal record is like, but I believe it would keep the politicians on their toes.

    A comedy nomination would be myself, but only if I could have a late start Monday, early finish Friday and Wednesday afternoons off for 'sport'! Such Herculean effort on my behalf would only require an annual salary of £250,000, so I am the cheap option.
  9. Is Jimmy Saville still about? I bet he'd do a good job.
  10. TheresaMay

    TheresaMay LE Moderator DirtyBAT

    Ref: Wossy...

    Ok I concede (shows how much TV I watch) which case I'd employ him again so I could sack him for having a speech impediment.

    And Canteen Cowboy - I totally agree. My 'Neu BBC' is fun, honest, and value for license-payers money.

    Of course it's unrealistic.
  11. I'll do it. I don't even need half a mil as pay. I'll start by going around Broadcasting House and issuing and give anyone seen with a copy of the 'Guardian' their P45.

    Then I'll request the abolition of the licence fee.

    By the time I've finished only three parts of the Beeb will be left. The World Service, the Sports broadcasters and Radio 3. And I will personally take great pleasure in notifying all those responsible for making and broadcasting 'Frankie's Story' that their careers in broadcasting are over, and that they'll have to turn tricks for coins.
  12. I'd just have one channel, and it would show Top Gear, the Grand Prix, Rugby and international football, HIGNFY, Mock the Week and re-runs of Spooks.

    That's it.

    So a bit like Dave really, but with new material and sport.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Like Like x 1
  13. JT raises a good point.

    I'm changing my suggestion to "So a bit like Dave really, but with new material and sport. And tits."

    Am I hired?
    • Like Like x 3