expat_71
War hero
ARE YOU AUSTRALIAN?
1. What did your ancestors do for a living? a) They were farmers. b) Craftsmen who made a living with their hands. c) Robbers, rapists, pickpockets, horse-thieves and generally a right lawless shower of b*stards.
2. How do you view the cause of the Aborigines and other indigenous folk? a) They have a just cause and rights just like everyone else. b) They should be given their land rights back immediately. c) F*ck 'em. Black b*stards. We were here first. It's in all the history books cos we wrote 'em and we should know. Cheeky freeloading ni**er c*nts.
.3The Royal Family is visiting your country and you are the Prime Minister. How do you behave to show them how respectful you are? a) With all the proper dignity that she deserves in her position as Head of the Commonwealth. b) With respect, but without being too sycophantic about it. You can show respect in lots of different ways. c) Slap her on the back at the airport and go: "Har ya doin', Sheila? G'day, mate. Dinkum, sport." Fart, burp, scratch your f*cking arse and behave like a complete twat all through her visit because you couldn't give a f*ck. Who the f*ck is she anyway?
6. You go to the toilet and sit down. What happens next? a) Well, what would you expect? b) That's a bit of a personal question. c) You get bitten on the arse by a spider three-foot long, your balls drop off, your arse turns green and you die within ten seconds.
8. What do you watch on television in an average day? a) Varied and of high quality - drama, comedy, documentaries, news. b) Pretty basic stuff but a decent and varied mix. c) Skippy, Neighbours, Home & Away, Skippy, Bluey, Skippy again, Prisoner Cell Block f*cking H, Skippy a-f*cking-gain, Neighbours, Home & b*stard Away, Skippy, Skippy, Skippy and f*cking Skippy.
11. You are a famous rock star married to a beautiful wife and with millions of dollars to your name. You are at a loose end one day. What do you do to occupy yourself? a) Relax with a few tinnies of Fosters, chilling because you rarely get much time to yourself. b) Play a little music or watch some TV. c) Take loads of drugs and get pissed as a fart, then accidentally strangle yourself by hanging your sorry arse from a door with a leather belt. While having a ****. You dirty f*cking pervy c*nt.
18. What animal is the symbol of your country? a) A bald eagle - majestic and towering, powerful and commanding respect. b) A bulldog - tenacious, fearless, strong and solid. c) Some f*cking rat with a beak, flippers, a face like a mole and that swims underwater. And lays eggs! I mean, for f*ck's sake! What the c*nting hell is that supposed to be? F*cking freak.
20. Describe the way you talk, your accent and so forth. a) Very clear and precise. You'd say you were able to communicate pretty easily. b) With a hint of accent though not much. You are pretty good at communicating. c) Like a deaf cockney with cerebral palsy who's drunk twenty pints of Carlsberg Special and a bottle of meths. You incoherent, slavering slobbering twat. Imagine Stephen Hawking powered down and crossed with Bob Hoskins...well, that's what you sound like. How the Brits ever mutated into you shower of braindead, imbecilic c*nts is beyond me. We should have sent you to the f*cking Antarctic instead. F*ckers.
23. You have an Aborigine visiting your home. How do you make the right impression on him? a) Make him feel at home just as you would any visitor to your house. b) Make an extra special effort to make him feel welcome because you feel for the plight of their people. c) Crack a few tinnies but make sure the c*nt drinks out of an old boot because you don't want him spreading germs. Make him some sandwiches full of maggots and grubs because that's what the filthy f*ckers eat, and hire a copy of 'Romper Stomper' which you watch with him farting and saying things like: "No offence, mate, but we were here first. That's what you'll get as well if you ever get out of line."
1. What did your ancestors do for a living? a) They were farmers. b) Craftsmen who made a living with their hands. c) Robbers, rapists, pickpockets, horse-thieves and generally a right lawless shower of b*stards.
2. How do you view the cause of the Aborigines and other indigenous folk? a) They have a just cause and rights just like everyone else. b) They should be given their land rights back immediately. c) F*ck 'em. Black b*stards. We were here first. It's in all the history books cos we wrote 'em and we should know. Cheeky freeloading ni**er c*nts.
.3The Royal Family is visiting your country and you are the Prime Minister. How do you behave to show them how respectful you are? a) With all the proper dignity that she deserves in her position as Head of the Commonwealth. b) With respect, but without being too sycophantic about it. You can show respect in lots of different ways. c) Slap her on the back at the airport and go: "Har ya doin', Sheila? G'day, mate. Dinkum, sport." Fart, burp, scratch your f*cking arse and behave like a complete twat all through her visit because you couldn't give a f*ck. Who the f*ck is she anyway?
6. You go to the toilet and sit down. What happens next? a) Well, what would you expect? b) That's a bit of a personal question. c) You get bitten on the arse by a spider three-foot long, your balls drop off, your arse turns green and you die within ten seconds.
8. What do you watch on television in an average day? a) Varied and of high quality - drama, comedy, documentaries, news. b) Pretty basic stuff but a decent and varied mix. c) Skippy, Neighbours, Home & Away, Skippy, Bluey, Skippy again, Prisoner Cell Block f*cking H, Skippy a-f*cking-gain, Neighbours, Home & b*stard Away, Skippy, Skippy, Skippy and f*cking Skippy.
11. You are a famous rock star married to a beautiful wife and with millions of dollars to your name. You are at a loose end one day. What do you do to occupy yourself? a) Relax with a few tinnies of Fosters, chilling because you rarely get much time to yourself. b) Play a little music or watch some TV. c) Take loads of drugs and get pissed as a fart, then accidentally strangle yourself by hanging your sorry arse from a door with a leather belt. While having a ****. You dirty f*cking pervy c*nt.
18. What animal is the symbol of your country? a) A bald eagle - majestic and towering, powerful and commanding respect. b) A bulldog - tenacious, fearless, strong and solid. c) Some f*cking rat with a beak, flippers, a face like a mole and that swims underwater. And lays eggs! I mean, for f*ck's sake! What the c*nting hell is that supposed to be? F*cking freak.
20. Describe the way you talk, your accent and so forth. a) Very clear and precise. You'd say you were able to communicate pretty easily. b) With a hint of accent though not much. You are pretty good at communicating. c) Like a deaf cockney with cerebral palsy who's drunk twenty pints of Carlsberg Special and a bottle of meths. You incoherent, slavering slobbering twat. Imagine Stephen Hawking powered down and crossed with Bob Hoskins...well, that's what you sound like. How the Brits ever mutated into you shower of braindead, imbecilic c*nts is beyond me. We should have sent you to the f*cking Antarctic instead. F*ckers.
23. You have an Aborigine visiting your home. How do you make the right impression on him? a) Make him feel at home just as you would any visitor to your house. b) Make an extra special effort to make him feel welcome because you feel for the plight of their people. c) Crack a few tinnies but make sure the c*nt drinks out of an old boot because you don't want him spreading germs. Make him some sandwiches full of maggots and grubs because that's what the filthy f*ckers eat, and hire a copy of 'Romper Stomper' which you watch with him farting and saying things like: "No offence, mate, but we were here first. That's what you'll get as well if you ever get out of line."