The Regimental Junior Ranks Christmas Dinner...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by LBdr_Pigshagger, Dec 3, 2006.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I really don't know why, but this was the one thing of Army life that gripped my fucking shit, every year.

    Some kind of bullshit parade in the morning, then you were marched Battery after Battery back to your accomodation to change your No.2 Jacket to your Jersey Heavy Wool, then it was off to the cookhouse for the tradtional Bacon Police attempt at a Christmas Meal.

    Here, you were served by the condescending SNCO's that you otherwise loathed all year round and they (without fail) year after year, made you think they were doing you some kind of favour by giving you a whole can of lukewarm p*ss beer to yourself.

    In my early years, Christmas Dinner used to be an excuse for a 'semi-sanctioned' food fight, but after one episode where the ARRSE was torn out of that, even that had the f*cking kibosh put on it.

    I remember one Lance Jack picking up a record number of extras in 1995 for lobbing one roast potato about nine inches...

    I hated it. Every single fucking year.

    The meal was invariably followed by the CO's speech where he would end by knocking th whole Regiment off early.

    Usually about 20 minutes earlier than usual.... 8O

    Anyway, Christmas in The Army? I've f*cking sh*t 'em. Done them on Operations and they're sh*t. Done them back home and they're sh*t.

    Done them as a Civvy and they're sh*t.

    I think I need to face the fact that I hate Christmas.... :D

    Oh and please tell me that they still tow a wrecked car outside camp gates, dangle a coulple of dummies out of them to warn you of the perils of drink driving?

    Bah. Humbug.

    So come on, lets have your Christmas in The Army stories..... :D
  2. I remember one food fight in the cookhouse in Ballykinler, seeing a full christmas dinner (Less KFS) on a plate flying right past me, landing at the feet of one particular nobber of a SCNO who then attempted to jail half of B company.
    One thing I really dont miss is that god awful "Gunfire" What a way to spoil rum/tea. Nowerdays on Chribo morning If i'm lucky I get a nosh!
  3. Gunfire is fcuking blasphemy!!!!!

    I spent one Christmas Day at sea a few years ago after spending 5 weeks at sea continuous. Morale was a bit low so the wrens mess decided to have a party and invited a few of us in for a drink.

    Fast forward a few hours and everyone is sh1tfaced. So sh1tfaced in fact, that quite a few of the wrens decided to strip in the mess with moi and a few other lucky barstewards in there that weren't female.

    With hindsight, I think a few of them regretted encouraging those of us with digital cameras to take phots of this drunken debauchery the next day.

    Well, if they didn't, they certainly fcuking did when I left the ship and emailed the phots to the lads in my mess!!! :D

    Yes I'm going to hell and I know it....
  4. Ahmen brother... did look forward to the food fight though.... :D and getting all the sprogs to clean it up afterwards :D
  5. matelot, please yell me why said piccies are not in the gallery??????
  6. I got accused of being involved in a fight because I had a bubba gump thick lip.
    when I explained it was from a mince pie projectile in the cookhouse during Xmas lunch they did not believe me. barstewards
  7. What, like this one???

    The rest wouldn't make it in and besides I don't particularly fancy being sued by some upset wren for posting their pics on a forum for all to see!!! :D

    Attached Files:

  8. Haha.
    Nothing a bit of computerised black nasty could'nt sort out im sure :D
    There's something about wrens that make me have a little sex wee, especially the ones that are up in Brum :D
    Cheers :)
  9. Just edit out the nametags and faces, ya stinjy git!
  10. I remember one such pish Christmas dinner in Cookstown. The odd spud was being thrown so I thought I would liven things up by getting dressed in helmet, shield and visor, going in and shouting COME ON! while hitting the shield with a stick.

    Needless to say, this sparked a small disturbance. Shortly afterwards I withdrew, wearing most of the lunch, to be faced with a less-than-impressed company commander. I forget my punishment, but the man was weak- if it had been me, I would have made me clear up the whole mess.
  11. You're right about gunfire. Evil stuff.

    I remember one of my bosses who was the worlds biggest drunk. You'd open the door to the Machy Wagon and a waft of Fags, Stale Farts and Iraqi Whiskey would come wafting out. Not too bad, you'd think, but it was 10 in the morning.

    Christmas day comes and he tips up with the norgy full of Gunfire. We forced down our cup full leaving 3 quarters of the Norgy full.

    He drinks the lot saying "shame to waste free rum". Heathen
  12. A few of the lads that had to stay behind at Christmas for one reason or another at 28 Engr's in Hameln had a few too many and staggered into the cookhouse for their crimbo dinner. Some pished bright spark had great idea that a food fight would be fun and considering that there was just the 4 of them it was a small food fight.

    Soooo...they decided maybe the pan basher would enjoy being part of said food fight and decided to pelt that poor wee german woman with the remnants of their turkey and stuffing.

    If I remember rightly, their feet didnt touch ground for a while :lol:
  13. Not if you had Chunkies on camp. Stagging on as the dead body at the steering wheel was part of their guard roster.
  14. Oh I think the xmas I remember the most was on a certain tour where some enjoyed the spirit a little too much and spent several days in an RUC cell whilst their teams covered form them back at camp.

    Oh and less said about the revolution the better :wink:
  15. Wellyhead,

    I'm sure I don't know what Christmas you are referring to. 8O

    Oh, unless it was Christmas 1992 in Belfast. :D

    There was absolutely no truth in the rumour that 'H' Troop built a full 1:1 scale 'Albert RN' model of one of their Brick Commanders to put in the passenger seat of the Landrover for the daily drive from LPH to Donegal Pass...

    And that a full on fist fight between a full screw and a gobby Gnr from Manchester actually took place During the Christmas meal, in full view of the BC and Ops Officer.

    And absolutely no truth in the rumour that the Officers Mess got burgled on Christmas Day night and all their 'Secret Santa' presents were stolen.

    As well as all their Alcohol.

    And certainly no truth in the rumour that the BC's Landrover ended up having "C O C K" sprayed all over the Confidental telephone number and that our unit got that 20/20 loopy juice banned from every NAAFI Bar in the province after starting a mass fight with the PGF and wrecking said bar and three accomodation blocks.

    No siree, Bob.....