The Provosts Cane...

ADUX

War Hero
easesprings said:
TARE said:
I am currently being punished by having to work with civil serpents in DE&S
Thats my sentence to, infact I am a re-offender as this is my third sentence
Keep the faith, your time will come again. I made the break and found once more the Holy Grail that is RD!
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
During basic, the instructors had a giant old school blackboard with a noughts and crosses square drawn on it. As a general punishment they would phone the guard room or fire school depending on which was furthest away at the time. They would then proceed to play noughts and crosses, with us transporting the blackboard from the guard room to the instructors office in between moves. It usually took about an hour for them to complete the game unless it was a draw and they would make you do it again.

For losing my locker key once I was issued with a 7 foot wooden key for a weekend. I had to take it everywhere I went including to meals and to bed.

Good times
 
I used to have an RSM who had a 'nawse ladder', a bit like a squash ladder. If your name was at the top you got all the sh1t jobs then got taken off the board. I used to wait 'til i was near the top then nip into his office early doors and remove my name. I have no idea to this day why I got away with it.
 
SEFTY said:
(or the rather stocky and gruff arm of the "Law")

A question to all you seasoned soldiers out there...
What do you think the best punishment you've ever seen: The most funny, gut-wrenching or thank-feck-that-was'nt-me kind of thing.

Go on...

Tell us.
Many many moons ago I was attached to the French Airborne school at Pau.

In those days 'refusals' were made to paint their helmets yellow and weren't allowed to remove them during waking hours. Rather than RTU these folks , the French held them on camp, to carry the static lines and bags from the returning aircraft to the packing hall. They were treated like s#it. Once there were enough refusals they flew a sortie with only the 'yellow helmets' on board, to give them another opportunity to jump. There was a lot of kicking and screaming in the a/c.
 

Blogg

LE
Ahh the horror of the pointless task.

Best I have seen fell upon two half wits who for some reason seemed to be in a contest to see which of them could cause the greatest amount of aggrevation and paperwork.

Late one Friday afternoon in bleakest November I spot two wretches digging a deep-ish hole.

Sunday afternoon same two wretches digging another hole about 100 yards from the first. But it was the same hole: their task had been to move it from one side of a field to the other by digging and filling with the promise that if they so much as caused a raised eyebrow after that they could move it back again

It worked
 

BrunoNoMedals

LE
Kit Reviewer
TARE said:
I am currently being punished by having to work with civil serpents in DE&S
Same here :D
 

LancePrivateJones

MIA
Book Reviewer
Penal Battalion part II.

After yet another frank and firm exchange of opinions with the Provost b@stard, I was introduced to another example of British Army humour.

He said "Go to the band block and report to the Band Sgt Major, he has got a little job for you", ho-ho.

B flat Tubas are focking huge and they need polishing a lot.

No Brasso or Duraglit allowed.

I still hate brass bands to this day.
 

pegasus797

War Hero
Filling black bin bags with daisy heads prior to the big mans inspection, i fcuking hate dasies!!
 
Ravers said:
the guard room or fire school depending on which was furthest away at the time.
Why ? were they on wheels :?




p.s your post cracked me up.
 
I once had to strip the paint from the cell door hinges in the guardroom as the RP's at the time wanted to have the hinges brassoed, they gave up this idea when I informed them after stripping the paint they were in fact not brass. So I painted them again. Happy days. :)

I've always wondered, to be a RP do you need to have a fetish for brass products?
 
Markintime said:
I used to have an RSM who had a 'nawse ladder', a bit like a squash ladder. If your name was at the top you got all the sh1t jobs then got taken off the board. I used to wait 'til i was near the top then nip into his office early doors and remove my name. I have no idea to this day why I got away with it.
I did this with our SSM's card file for duties, and wrote out an extra card for the biggest lickspittle LCpl in the squadron too. Karma caught up with me later in HQ Sqn when a Cfn joined the LAD with the same suname as me and the dickhead clerk put his name on the duty roster as Sig so for 4 month I did his duties and mine. Though when it came out I ended up doing his duty clerk jobs for 2 months and he did all my guard and mess duties. This is also the time they spelled my name wrongly on orders and I did not turn up for a guard duty. I walked on the charge (well doubled knees to chest) but had an hour and a half beasting from the RSM for being a clever cnut.
 

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