The problems associated with wiping and possible solutions

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Its_a_troop!!, Mar 7, 2007.

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  1. Now before you rant this has been done before i know!
    But i wish to discuss another matter!
    I have differing types of dump, differant concistancies, shapes and sizes depending on scoff and liquids consumed,
    Now the problem is sometime when the wiping action occurs bog roll seperates and gets entangled in the old crack fluff, this becomes a problem as when i try to free it i end up with tears in my eyes and a sore crack,
    not knowing much about plucking but does it not make the hair grow back longer?? thus resulting in a vicious circle of hair,bogroll and pain!
    On discussing with mrs troop she recommends an arrse wax, wasnt to sure at first but would certainly make the whole experience of taking a dump more pleasant than it is now!

    My arrse says its just wrong!
    But the mind says a new lease of life is tempting!
    assistance required in this sensitive matter please!

    As its a pain in the arrse! BADUMBUM!

  2. baby wipes....much less painful!
  3. A nice bit of 400 grit wet and dry.
  4. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    I find that if I drink enough then it pours out of me like luke warm tea. A quick dab with wifey's flannel and hey presto a nice clean ring.
  5. but don't use the bit that you polish your bellend with! Bacterial transfer and all that...there's some NASTY germs on the average squaddie bellend!
  6. Why not try the women's hair removal cream VEET?

    A boot up the arrse might be familiar but veet round the ringpiece could be a novel experience as could feet so explain carefully to who is applying it.
  7. You know about arrse to mouth then? Give us your number?
  8. As one who is not in a position to wipe myself I regret I cannot offer any practical advice apart from
    highly reccomended , apparantly.

  9. That gets my Vote, if you Veet your arse I find it's feels honking when it gets stubbly growing back.
  10. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    You could try the cats tongue!
  11. or in fact, a cat.

    Be a man. Sac, back and crack... post the before and after pictures please.
  12. I'll do it if you get a brazilian - before and after shots.

    No tidying up first either, I want to see the afro.
  13. My arrse is like a warzone,
    just the thing to put you off your dinner, but if i go through with the procedure it will be documented on here!

  14. From the fat boy thread:
    It'll be right up your alley!
  15. ... what ALL of it.

    ooer. erm. <... unsure and strangely coy>

    Does it have to be this week as I am on the blob. (String shots are extra - in case you were wondering...)