The Priory

Discussion in 'Int Corps' started by Slightly_Nasty, Sep 21, 2005.

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  1. Sir,
    Having recently been involved in some selfless and important work on behalf of my country that entailed me staying in the duty bunk at the Priory, I was pleasantly surprised at the new level of facilities to be found therein. Not only was there an exceedingly good supply of beverage making facilities, but also some up to date copies of Zoo and Loaded magazine! However, the icing on the cake must certainly be the half-full box of man-sized tissues on the bedside table. Those Officers' Mess staff think of everything, bless 'em; why, with such superb w@nking material to hand, I hardly even noticed that the bunk still did not contain a television set. I would like to take this opportunity to publicly thank all those concerned through the tomes of your worthy organ. Jolly well done!!

    Col (Retd) Bertrand Gussit-Snipher
    General Staff (V)
  2. You can tell its a better class of facilities in the Officers Mess. I still cannot get the stench of stale w@nk juice out of my nostrils from the North Sangar in Lisburn. That was 14 years ago.
  3. So the ghostly Nun didnt give you a hand then?
  4. Sir,
    I hope you will allow me, through the tomes of your worthy organ, to canvass some G1 advice from fellow correspondents. The question I wish to ask is this; for how long should one have to pay for one's previous transgressions?
    I ask, you understand, not for myself, but on behalf of one of my soldiers, who, whilst serving his country on selfless and important work on sangar duty in Northern Ireland a little over 14 years ago, was discovered by the Duty Officer indulging in a sexual act with two dobermanns, a carton of yoghurt and a discarded pair of NBC (outer) gloves. Despite the fact that this behaviour was an accepted part of unit tradition, and in common practice amongst many members of the Defence Security Platoon, he alone was disciplined; this resulted in him losing his security vetting, being dismissed from his position as Akela of the local cub scout troop, and he has not been promoted since. Surely, this man has now been punished sufficiently? He now has little chance of being promoted to Lance-Corporal; he has lost his security vetting; his respect in the local community and the unstinting devotion of two dobermanns. At what stage should one approach the Army Board on his behalf to request that the severe reprimand is removed from his record?

    Col (Retd) Bertrand Gussit-Snipher
    General Staff (V)
  5. That was never proved. It was his word against mine!!!!! By the way Rover and Rex are both doing well, if still a little bow-legged.
  6. Sir,
    Having once again been involved in some selfless and important work on behalf of my country that entailed me staying in the duty bunk at the Priory, I feel I should, through the tomes of your worthy organ, warn my comrades of the dangers of loose talk on this site; clearly there are authoritarian elements monitoring this site who begrudge a fellow the pleasure of a cup of coffee and a harmless J Arthur (not at the same time, I should stress). I must report that the once generous supply of beverage making facilities is now reduced to a regulation two sachets of instant coffee; worse than this, all gentlemen's relish publications have been removed, to be replaced by out of date copies of soldier magazine and the half-full box of man-sized tissues on the bedside table was nowhere to be seen, doubtlessly long ago exhausted given the number of LE Captains that frequent the place. Since the complete rotters and self-imposed guardians of my morals who run the Mess have still not installed a TV set, I was left under the circumstances with no other choice but to make a nocturnal raid on the ladies laundry room.
    I am writing to my MP about this, and urge you all to do the same.

    Col (Retd) Bertrand Gussit-Snipher
    General Staff (V)
  7. Ah, so you haven't found the newsagents next to the barbers shop in Shefford then? They do a fantastic line in Gentlemens review literature. Top tip - they also sell bargain wrapped - 3 for a tenner! The sort of cheekyness that would leave more well known publications blushing with embarrassment! Not that I've purchased said items from there M'lud! :roll: :roll: :roll: :wink:
  8. This must be one for the Private MI Crime correspondant?

    When I was a young slip of a lad there was a TV in the Ord Offr's bunk.
    ( In those days, ord offr was also allowed to tether his horse in the courtyard and Wordstar was the WP package of choice )

    Just after I left there, a Kingo WO2 was posted into NIIB, suggest you direct your enquiries in that direction.

    ( alternatively it might be possible that Priory has not had a teeth-arm PMC for a while?)
  9. All well and good fellas and you do indeed have a lovely Officers Mess. I was there recently on a course and had a great time. Only bad point was the fact that I had to stay in the rubbish houses behind the Mess and not in the Priory itself. The Mess is huge and I cannot understand why there are so few bed spaces inside it? Maybe it's to store all that Crypto, eh lads! :wink:
  10. Yep - I had to share with a nice chap from JSIO which made it bearable.

    Don't even get me started on why we aren't allowed to cook in the houses, however... :evil:
  11. Sir

    I write to complain about the lack of commentary on the state of the Priory Duty Officer's Bunk, from certain Warrant Officers in the Corps.
    It would appear that duties are not coming round often enough, despite the shortage of suitable manpower due to the continued deployment of members of No 4 Company JSIO on matters of national importance, and especially at weekends and public holidays.

    I have had a number of duty meals in the Priory myself and would like to confirm today, that I have never seen a Liberal Democrat MP in there, ever.

    I remain Sir yours

    Gilbert Teen-Monk
    Capt (NRPS)
    Royal Horse Artillery
    592 Underwater Laser Target Designation Freefall Locating Bty RA ( Scampions Own)
    JSIO Attached
  12. She gave up waiting, apparently she threw her wimple out of the window because she had to wait behind a long line of Int Corps Warrant Officers who wanted to perfect their techniques.

    She might be back to give the odd LE Captain a reach-around.
  13. Sir,
    I have yet again been involved in some selfless and important work on behalf of my country that entailed me staying in the duty bunk at the Priory. The frequency of these occasions is largely, I suspect, something to do with the massive operational burdens that preclude other Units from supplying manpower. My own Unit, of course, is not at all busy and has has no operational role whatsoever, so I do not resent their lack of contribution in any way. But I digress.
    The purpose of this tome is to warn my comrades of the dangers inherent in the poor design of the bathroom. The sink, clearly not even big enough to wash one's hands in, is totally unsuitable for bathing one's genitals! I tried to do this after a rather satisfying tug whilst perusing some gentlemen's relish on the lavatory. This is the only entertainment available to poor Duty Officers as they have still not replaced the television that was removed last year. After eventually contorting myself into a position that allowed my genitals to actually make contact with the water (a most pleasant sensation if the temperature is just right), even the slightest movement of soap over flesh (ditto) caused the contents of the basin to slop out onto the floor. It was but mere seconds later that my feet slipped on the pool of soapy water that had accumulated, and I was extremely lucky not to bang ny head on the rim of the toilet seat when I fell. Has the duty bunk never been inspected by those Health and Safety chappies? if not, why not?
    I am writing to my MP about this, and urge you all to do the same.

    Col (Retd) Bertrand Gussit-Snipher
    General Staff (V)
  14. Crivens, it must be awfully dull 'stagging on' old boy. Surely you could take the opportunity to inspect the new
    young ladies Z Type accommodation at some ungodly hour, purely in order to ensure that it is being properly
    'taken care of'?
  15. Sir

    As a result of a previous H+S assessment of the Duty Officer's bunk a number of wireless webcams were installed in said establishment by a community minded officer, surprisingly, with some limited technical ability in this field.

    From a recent IiP and ISO 9001 external audit, the external assessors did remark that correct data protection act notices were not in evidence in the bunk in question. It is somewhat regrettable that corrective action has not been taken, in spite of several requests to DISC SU that an appropriate notice be published in Part 1 Orders ( I mean Station Routine Orders) :oops: .

    I remain yours etc

    S Atta ( RO ) BEM, DoBNK Flt Lt RAF ( Retd)
    SO3 J4 ( Quartering ) + OC Javelin team
    OC Supply Sqn
    RAF Chicksands
    a.o.d ( winter olympics)