The police farce.

NSP

LE
Good Cops used to give you a clip round the ear, take you home and your old man would give you another.
S'how it worked in my old man's day.
 
When you're in London and- you've just witnessed someone get a bit stabby and - you're in a immdeiate danger also - and phone 999, ask for police and...the operator comes back to you every 15 seconds saying "please hold-still trying to connect you" - The police will have maybe 10-20 999 calls on the go at that moment. Probably around 3 of them will have been genuine emergencies- the rest just frustrated w@nkers reporting a neighbour for COVID breach or - after the beer has kicked in - chasing up an update on a crime that was logged 4 years ago.
Rinse & repeat throughout the country.
Taken from here: A Day in the Life of a Response Officer

Pretty much sums it up from what I see:


So… you wake up – full of hope – wondering what treats and surprises lay in store for you in work today?


Make your way to work with no stress and minimal traffic congestion. Arrive at work and remember that it’s a damn week day so you have to drive slowly around the car park for five minutes looking for a space – trying to figure out who all these cars belong to, before eventually losing your temper and abandoning the car and blocking in at least three other vehicles.


Walk into work and pick up a battery as you make your way to the locker room. Open the locker to the stale smell of sweat from your body armour and wish you had sprayed it with Febreeze before going off duty yesterday. Put your body armour on. Put your belt or utility vest on. Put the battery in your radio. Get frustrated as you’ve now been ordered to press and hold a button to book on; but, as usual – it doesn’t work – and your radio keeps beeping and vibrating so you end up having to contact the control room anyway because the radio simply won’t book you on when you actually do what you’re told.


Shut your locker and head down to the briefing room. Log onto the computer and realise that you can’t remember your password. Get annoyed with yourself. Stop and think about it and then remember that it finishes with an eight and not a seven as you changed it last week. You have a quick check of your emails and trawl through countless messages that have no relevance to you or your job role whatsoever. You read several messages telling you that systems you’ve never heard of were offline for an hour three days previously and your finger starts to ache from repeatedly hitting the delete button.


Finally you get to one that’s actually meant for you. It’s an email notifying you of cancelled rest days to backfill for PSU. Brilliant. It’s on a Saturday. Even more brilliant. To top it off, you’ve already promised the wife that you will both go to her parents’ house that weekend. Nevermind. Worry later about the inevitable row when you tell her. Pause for a moment and wonder if people realise or care that you’ll be working on your day off and you won’t be getting paid. Quickly move on.


Your finger keeps hammering delete. Finally you find another email sent to you. It’s a Court Warning for a PCMH in Crown Court on your second rest day. The day you had planned to spend with your kids. Quickly look away from the computer for a few seconds to stop yourself punching the screen and feel your heart pounding in your chest under the body armour.


Start briefing and try and catch up with the intelligence from the last couple of days. Find lots of useless information that you knew already. Then, in BOLD CAPS, a sh*tty message from someone in the Ivory Towers complaining that the quality of files submitted by Officers in the last hour of their Tour of Duty – when they’ve already completed three hand-on files and dealt with several calls – is not of the required standard. Except they didn’t actually account for any of that…


Next slide, people are being identified as targets in whatever terminology the latest portfolio-busting project is. Whether it’s top trumps or card suits or traffic lights – bosses are fawning over it and people are being named and shamed for forgetting to do things. Sit there sweating because you are sure you forgot to tell Mrs Jones who had her plant pot stolen that you would ring her every week for the rest of her life. Get away with it. Make a mental note to ring her later and every week for the rest of her life.


You then listen to the long list of stuff that’s been handed on by the previous shift because “it’s been bonkers.” To top it off there is a list of three people who “they upstairs” want arrested because they are Sector Targets. Oh, and of course, there are two Mispers outstanding.


Leave briefing and head to the writing room and check your workload. You have about six jobs all in the inbox with big red overdue markers next to them. You explain to your Sergeant that you urgently need to try and get round to that theft because it’s been on your workload for a week and it’s becoming a problem getting hold of the victim. You check the assault you dealt with to see if the email you sent asking for a statement to be taken has been done… and then resist the urge to scream when you see that nobody has even looked at it.


Time to turn off the computer, grab some keys and get out of the station.


Get in your battered Ford Focus and wonder how someone has managed to pick a hole in the steering wheel. Try and turn the in-car radio on to listen in to a neighbouring channel but it doesn’t work. Clunk and grind the gears until you get it in first. Go to put your water bottle in the door and wince and grimace when your hand touches whatever sticky cr*p has been left in the door pocket to fester for several days.


Drive around aimlessly for about ten minutes just trying to calm down.


You then make your way to that theft from your workload, but, as you are pulling into the street, an I-Grade (immediate) response comes out and you know everyone else is in the station or committed at other calls. You answer the call which is a possible intruder alarm in the town centre.


Make your way to the scene trying not to get upset with other motorists and praying to God you don’t hit something or that something hits you. Get to the call and find that all is in order and the building is secure. Speak to the key-holder and the reporting person to offer them a bit of reassurance and then head back to the car.


As you get to the car an elderly male approaches and says; “Can I just ask your opinion on something?” and then tells you a tale of some youths who’ve been playing football near his house.


Really, honestly try to look interested while wondering what he would have done about it if he hadn’t bumped in to you. Explain that his problem is very important and that when you return to the nick you will speak to the neighbourhood team and ask them to increase patrols in his street.


You get back in the car and within five minutes of worrying about your workload, your stress and the inevitable row with your wife later – you sadly forget you ever met him.


Start making your way back to the theft on your workload. Get to the call and start taking details from the victim – having apologised for the week-long delay in contacting them. The control room decide to interrupt you looking for an update on the alarm. You inform them that all is in order at which they automatically begin passing you details of the next outstanding call. Explain that you are already taking details from a victim to be told that the call is nearly an hour old. Tell the control room you will get back to them as soon as you are clear.


Quickly take the details from the victim, scan the week-old scene for any clues or evidence. Collect the CCTV and hand over the latest Officer Contact Details Card. Squirm on the spot as the victim laughs at the idea that he’s the most important thing to us when he reports a crime. Apologise again for the delay in reaching him.


Leave the theft and tell the control room you’re available. They pass details of the outstanding call which is to do with a dispute between two neighbours who are constantly arguing. Control give you another subtle reminder about the call being over an hour old.


Arrive at the call and completely forget who called in and what they were complaining about. Decide to just go in and find out first hand. Go to the house on the right and find yourself berated for something the previous officer promised to do but didn’t. Try and keep cool whilst you explain that you are there about what has happened today.


She explains that she has recorded her neighbour on her phone and that the footage clearly shows the neighbour being anti-social – swearing and slagging her off. Squint a lot whilst looking into the phone and try to listen to the terrible audio marred by a nearby lawnmower. Listen and watch footage of a couple of kids playing in a garden and a woman reading a magazine before the clip ends. Pause for a second in utter disbelief that someone has reported this to an Emergency Service and pray that this is all a wind up and that someone with a camera will come around the corner at any minute.


Feel your blood turn cold as it dawns on you that this is actually genuine and this person expects you to solve all of their problems. Explain to the woman that there is absolutely nothing of evidential value on the phone and that the fact that she has covertly filmed some children on her phone is straying towards her committing offences herself. Then she wants your name and number and writes it all down explaining that she’s not happy and she will be speaking to someone about this.


You know she means that she’s putting in a complaint about your attitude. So, you leave the house and head next door where a very similar – in fact, almost identical account – is given. You stand in the living room, rubbing your temples and praying that your anti-anxiety tablets will keep you from screaming blue murder at every living thing in the room. Explain that they should consider putting up CCTV cameras and tell them that you will inform the neighbourhood team and leave, cursing the air they breathe as you go.


Drive in the direction of another week-old job from your workload to be informed that you’re required to check five addresses for one of the outstanding Mispers. Visit five of the most grotty houses on the patch and speak to a number of people in their pyjamas at midday – who speak to you with disgust – having pulled them away from watching Jeremy Kyle. Wonder to yourself if they will change into their clothes and consider actually leaving the house in something other than a onesie.


This pattern of calls that are nothing to do with the Police continues all day, until…


A call of a violent shoplifter comes in from a local supermarket. You rush to the scene and speak with the staff who explain that the suspect has tried to steal a sixty pence bar of chocolate. Go through to the security room and sight an extremely calm and compliant – yet well-known face, who you’ve nicked before so the whole idea of a Fixed Penalty Ticket goes straight out of the window.


Decide it’s easier in the long run to just nick the person. Caution them, cuff them and lead them to your car. Drive to Custody, nervously looking back at the prisoner, hoping they don’t try kicking you or pulling the handbrake because there’s no-one else available to go with you. Get to the custody suite and there is the inevitable queue of people waiting to go in. Stand near the car with the prisoner who did think you were ‘sound’ but now thinks you’re “a prick” for not letting him have a fag and that “the ‘sound’ Copper” let him have one last time.


After about half an hour, you look through the door to see what’s happening in custody and you spot the Custody Sergeant sat back in his chair talking to the G4S Detention Officer – sharing a good laugh whilst eating something from a bowl.


The Sergeant spots you and gives you a five minutes gesture. Quick-time it back to the prisoner and pray that they are still in the car. Thankfully they are. Listen to another ten minutes of how it’s not their fault and that they’re trying to get help but nobody will help them.


G4S Detention Officer says you can come in. You stand at the desk and tell the Sergeant the incident number. He b*ll*cks you for not phoning the call centre whilst waiting outside to link the correct details because it would have the his life a whole lot easier and he wouldn’t have had to click his mouse five times and type in twelve letters.


You search the prisoner again – rather than have someone else double check your search – because there are only two G4S Detention Officers on and they are both females. You justify the necessity for the arrest and feel like you’re pleading with the Sergeant to please take your prisoner as he’s making it sound like you’re the criminal. Finally get detention authorised but you’re then required to stand around for twenty minutes to listen to the prisoners life story and medical history – none of which now have any bearing on you.


Head down the hallway to the Investigation Support Team to see if anyone can assist. Explain the circumstances in full to a probationer who is on attachment in the office. He tells you that you need to obtain a victim statement, write your arrest statement, obtain the CCTV, book it into the property store, book it back OUT of the property store, complete a full file for the hand on package – and THEN, someone will assist. Recall that the theft was valued at sixty pence. Quietly despair.


Head all the way BACK to the shop and obtain the statement and the CCTV . Head back to the station. Write your statement. Book in the CCTV. Book out the CCTV. Prepare the hand on package. Take the package upstairs and speak to the same probationer who asks “So, is he ‘aving it?” You explain that you have absolutely no idea as you didn’t breach PACE. They then inform you that there’s now no-one available to deal with it as they’re all tied up with CPS advice and ‘stuff,’ so could you throw a quick interview into them? You look at your watch and see that you’re due off in forty five minutes.


You head down to custody to conduct the interview and you’re told they’ve changed their mind and are now having a Solicitor. The Solicitor will be about ten minutes so you head back to the writing room to try and update the calls that you’ve been to today. You update the Misper first and submit a referral to Social Services as you know your life won’t be worth living if you forget it. You update the neighbour dispute knowing full well that you will be in the Inspectors Office answering questions about it in the near future so you word it very carefully.


Your radio goes and the Solicitor has arrived. You lock your computer and head through to disclosure with the solicitor. This takes five minutes. Then the Solicitor briefs the prisoner which takes twenty minutes. Conduct the interview – full and frank admission. Explain this to the Sergeant who tells you to enter the charges and to come back when they’ve been processed to charge them and get rid of them.


Quickly pop upstairs for a wee and stare in the mirror at the red lines in your once white eyes. Take notice of just how grey you seem to have gone in the last couple of months. Feel sick when you suddenly have a flash of just how overdrawn your bank account is and that your dogs need worming and de-fleaing.


Head back down to Custody to charge the prisoner and you find that they are just booking someone else in. Wait patiently. Then you’re told that they’re just going to book one more in ahead of yours.


Stand there waiting, and look at your boots, remembering how you used to proudly polish them every set of rest days, but then ponder how long it actually is since they last saw a hint of polish.


Excellent. Made it to the front of the queue. You charge the prisoner and they are released. The Sergeant, however, would like them dropped home in case they trip and fall in front of a car or in case they catch a bee sting and die of anaphylactic shock on the way home.


Aware that you’re still single-crewed, you approach someone from the next shift and ask if they can take the prisoner home. They look at you with utter disdain but they haven’t really got a choice.


Before heading back you quickly call and update the shop that he’s been charged with theft of sixty pence worth of chocolate. Get back to the computer and someone has logged you out. Nevermind.


You’re only an hour past your finishing time as you hang up your body armour and utility vest. You grab your keys and head out to the car. Half way home when you remember that you didn’t update the log about the theft call. Guess it’ll have to wait until tomorrow.


Arrive home in a terrible mood and sulk most of the night. Snap at the wife a few times when she asks what’s wrong and consume more alcohol than you know is good for you on a school night.


Next day. Do it all again.


This time is slightly different though. The Inspector comes into the writing room after briefing and asks if he can have a word? Head through to his office where he closes the door and invites you to sit down. You’re already planning your response about that neighbour dispute and mentally preparing your defence. Suddenly he starts yelling the place down because he’s just come down from a meeting on the second floor and it’s been identified that you forgot to give an Officer Contact Details Card to the key-holder at the alarm call.


Nevermind.


Only twenty seven years to go.
 
Currently in the UK you appear to have the highest paid, best equipped with personal and other protective equipment, and better enabled with legal powers to deal with problems, than the country has ever seen since Rowan and Mayne.
They also appear to be currently the worst trained and least motivated since those days.
The vast majority of taxpayers do not really want to hear an hour of reasons why not to do something, when it is a 10 minute job to actually go and do it.
We have even had a couple on here in the early days of the lockdown quite clearly unaware of their Common Law power of entry to premises for a perceived breach of the peace.
And asking for yet more powers, and not really comprehending the powers that they already had.
Yes I am also including the lawful right to Taser a bloke down the cells armed with offensive underpants with two other Pcs present. (From 2012 apparently so the training need goes back to then or before).

And yet you all still wonder why juries made up from the general public give sometimes perverse verdicts?
 

Green_Homer

War Hero
If that’s what people want, then so be it.
Let criminals operate with impunity to recce, prepare and logistically equip themselves up until the point that they actually embark on committing the crime.

Don’t stop them and ask what they are doing or try and discourage them by first guessing or disrupting their preparation.

A bit like cold callers in an area who are knocking doors and nosying. They aren’t breaking the law but turning up and interrupting them let’s them know that we know.
@Bacongrills - This as beaten to it.

A very simple alternative would be simply to be civil and not to go out of your way to push the letter of the law for the sake of it. What a lot of these supposed 'auditors' forget is that whilst taking pictures in itself may not be an offence it's quite possible for other offences to crop up as a matter of their mannerisms. By repeatedly shoving a camera in someones face it could constitute harassment for example (circs pending).

In all honesty I would have no issue in showing a copper my recent photos if they explained they had a report of me acting oddly / or I'm near a sensitive location etc.

I was on patrol near my MDP site when I received info of a male asking to go into a restricted area with his camera - the informant thought the male was acting oddly (couldn't elaborate which is always helpful). The whole interaction literally went like this:

Me - Hello sir, how are you today - I've just been told that you were wanting to go into X location and take photos?

Subject - Ah yes, I'm on holiday in the area and the outside of the building looks quite interesting.

Me - No problem, can I just see some ID and have a quick look at the photos?

Subject - No problem - (shows photos clearly showing him on holiday in the area and nothing sus)

Me - Thanks - gives explanation that the site is restricted hence the interest in him.

Subject - Oh ok, I'm sorry I didn't realise.

Brief chat about how his holiday was going and he continues on his way - whole incident approx 1min including the chat. Everybody is happy with the situation.

Incident no.2 - In my home office days

Got called to a report of flashing lights distracting drivers at night from a foot bridge over a busy A Road at night. On arrival the first thing I saw were a group of teens riding about and being a little bolshy but a quick chat established that they were in fact fine but on the other side (currently not visible) was a photography group.

Walked up to the group and a bunch of middle aged people with camera gear - They explain that they're doing a class taking photos of blue light runs. They look a bit sheepish when I enquired if they were using flash but understood why I was there and would stop (using the flash).

All good before the class teacher arrives and gives it the big "Don't you know who I am? I'm the official photographer for someone in the County Council.. you can't stop me taking photos etc etc" - I explained quite patiently and paraphrasing now, that I could't give a fly f*ck if they wanted to take photos, I'm explaining that the reports of the flash distracting drivers is the concern.
I further explain that I know I can't stop him taking photos and that as they were continuing to operate in the area that it might be prudent if he would give me a telephone number and a name so that if we received similar calls then we could simply call them to enquire therefore otherwise leaving them free to continue uninterrupted. I stressed there was no obligation but given the current security climate than it would be helpful for all.

I forget exactly now what he said but he was doing his best to try and demean me in front of his group before one then several of the group started to berate him for being an obnoxious knob... He attempts to front himself a bit more with the "I'm very good friends with XYZ" before the whole group turn on him whilst I just silently let him carry on.. He then very swiftly gives me the name of the class before then deciding that actually "There's a much better spot further on... let's go"

My point - both situations perfectly innocent, my intent to simply establish either way and resume normality. 1 took 1min, the other about 15mins and wasting everyone's time (not least the paying class who wanted the teacher to teach rather than waste their time by being needlessly rude).

The above is meant for Bacongrills not you Wetsmonkey - just easier to quote your post!
 

NSP

LE
In fairness a number of forces have used the term themselves, confusing matters, it's now more a matter of perception as seen in the latest BLM cringeworthy displays by some.
Remind me; PSNI stands for what again...?
 
I guess a while back the copper would have had a bit more gumption about him rather than bluffing and cuffing it.

The photographer did look like a man on a mission and I would guess like most of the youtube clips knows that part of the law in detail for precisely this sort of 'You've been framed' moment.

I notice you missed out the second part of the post. Would the police apply the same treatment to anybody in the same situation or are you all fearful of Ms Dick apologising the ground from under you?

I've said before I wouldn't do the job in the current political climate for a big pension and a gold watch. In retrospect failing the medical was a blessing in disguise.
This video should become part of the Police Training syllabus, because its an indicator of what a pain the general public can be and how we like to routinely call the plod, but god do they're require the patience of a saint.
 
Currently in the UK you appear to have the highest paid
Got to disagree there Harry. Pay and conditions have degraded greatly since I served between 1987 to 2015. Rent allowance went. Pensions degraded and not paid until the age of 60. Overtime rates reduced. No Force feeding on aid and many more. Ever since the days of the Sheehy report (Ken Clarke) in 1993. Ever since Maggie went, the Tories, the so called party of law and order, were determined to sort out the Plod. Labour were as bad but at least you knew where you were coming with them as they were so obviously anti-police.
 
This video should become part of the Police Training syllabus, because its an indicator of what a pain the general public can be and how we like to routinely call the plod, but god do they're require the patience of a saint.
I'd imagine that officers already have similar in their training package.
From my point of view - I could be taking a call off a 12 year old lad whos just been raped and then the next call - straight into someone reporting hurt feelings on Facebook via 999. Or - One of the many many 'regular callers' who phone 999 when their meds wear off at 04:00 and they can see spacemen climbing out of their radiator or...and this is also quite common...the 94 year old woman who lives alone regular caller - who cannot find her TV remote. Quick chat with her - make sure she checks her doors are locked, has she checked under the cushion where she sits... Still log it as a concern for consideration of social services referral.
Nothing- absolutely nothing surprises me any more.

*Always bear in mind- The bloke who phones 999 reporting he can see Spacemen climbing out of his telephone socket on a regular basis when his meds wear off - could one day then hack off the head of the bloke in the flat next door thinking he was an alien. Guess what the first line of enquiry will be then?... Why didn't the police do....?
 

Gout Man

LE
Book Reviewer
As far as i understand it its unlawful for the police to demand your details in order to find out if there is grounds for suspicion , there must be reasonable suspicion first.

What you're saying is called a police state.
Helps if you watch and observe, if they are hanging around long enough in a certain area at a certain time then you as a cop may suspect they are up to no good.
”All right lads?”
”yeh”
”You‘re not from round here are you”?

Gets them on a sticky wicket a bit of waffling, split them up ask a few more questions and your reasonable grounds for a search goes right up, and then names and address are forthcoming, maybe an arrest, for been wanted, it com3s with practice and experience.
 

Chef

LE
I’m curious as to when this alleged change from “Force” to “Service” actually happened? I retired from a large metropolitan Force in the north of England last year. We had a Force Command Team, Force Duty Officer, Force Intelligence Bureau etc. etc. and yet people on this forum with no experience of policing have been wibbling on about us not being a force anymore for years.
Late 80s, early 90s I applied to join the police and as I knew a few I went through my application with him and got pointers for interviews etc. Even back then he advised against referring to the police 'force' they preferred 'service'.

So while there doesn't seem to be any precise date or memo on the matter it was deffo in the air back then.
 

Greenfly

On ROPS
On ROPs
Some on this thread may enjoy this little tête-à-tête from the emerald toilet. We are discussing/laughing about it on a separate thread but it feels relevant here too.

Good proactive policing seasoned with a bit of robust banter or deliberately trying to get a rise out of a republican. Either way, it’s all a bit of a farce.

Gets interesting once ginge makes an appearance from the 2 min mark.

 
Helps if you watch and observe, if they are hanging around long enough in a certain area at a certain time then you as a cop may suspect they are up to no good.
”All right lads?”
”yeh”
”You‘re not from round here are you”?

Gets them on a sticky wicket a bit of waffling, split them up ask a few more questions and your reasonable grounds for a search goes right up, and then names and address are forthcoming, maybe an arrest, for been wanted, it com3s with practice and experience.
I think that is what they used to call 'policing skills'.
 
I wonder how many of them are logged onto Arrse when they call you?
I think I can sum it up this way - in training we were told essentially that "When someone is calling police-they are experiencing something that's the worst part of their life".

I, myself have only ever phoned police maybe 3 times in my life.

For some people though- it's an everyday normal occurrence. People log on to 101 webchat whilst they are on the bus and try and report absolute bollocks whilst they text type in whatever drunken state they are in. All this takes time and the person dealing with it will have maybe 5-6 other similar webchats also running concurrently.

I would honestly say - maybe 95% of people who phone police have already had multiple dealings with police, for whatever reason in the recent past.

The police are expected to be social services now - the crisis MH teams fob off "patients" and say "You're being aggressive so we wont engage with you". That person then phones police out of frustration.
The hospital will 'tick their boxes' and phone police if a patient absconds-without any checks being done on their behalf- despatch amb to their address etc etc.

Mrs Miggings, the school headteacher will report Little Johnny as missing again after he runs away from school at 10:15 for the 3rd time this week. She won't have even contacted the parents or sent staff out to do local checks...

"Managing expectations" is a HUGE thing. The problem is though...the expectations are often false.
 
Back to the thread subject - and we have seen exactly how our media, the BBC deal with things nowadays.

Just imagine if...bloke in the Youtube Clip blew himself up 2 days later / followed one of the police back to their station, and then home and shot them?

The emergency services are always on the back foot because society urgently needs a serious realignment of perspective.
 
The police are expected to be social services now - the crisis MH teams fob off "patients" and say "You're being aggressive so we wont engage with you". That person then phones police out of frustration.
The hospital will 'tick their boxes' and phone police if a patient absconds-without any checks being done on their behalf- despatch amb to their address etc etc.
It has been like that for decades. Ever since 'Care in the Community' in the late 80s/90s closed down a lot of the Mental Health establishments (mad houses in old speak)
Mrs Miggings, the school headteacher will report Little Johnny as missing again after he runs away from school at 10:15 for the 3rd time this week. She won't have even contacted the parents or sent staff out to do local checks...
That used to happen in childrens homes with frequent teenage absconders. At one time you just popped around, picked up the misper form ( the staff were left a pile to fill in prior to your arrival.

The form was put in the misper binder and forgotten about until Johnny Scrote returned a few hours later. However after the Ricky Reel case, you had to supposedly carry out full enquires as if it were a genuine misper and carry out a debrief with the misper at the home, who just grunted at you. It all became time consuming and a waste of police resources, but as in all things policing, the management ensured that they covered their backs.

Ricky Reel
 
It has been like that for decades. Ever since 'Care in the Community' in the late 80s/90s closed down a lot of the Mental Health establishments (mad houses in old speak)

That used to happen in childrens homes with frequent teenage absconders. At one time you just popped around, picked up the misper form ( the staff were left a pile to fill in prior to your arrival.

The form was put in the misper binder and forgotten about until Johnny Scrote returned a few hours later. However after the Ricky Reel case, you had to supposedly carry out full enquires as if it were a genuine misper and carry out a debrief with the misper at the home, who just grunted at you. It all became time consuming and a waste of police resources, but as in all things policing, the management ensured that they covered their backs.

Ricky Reel
Problem is- Nearly 100% of the female mispers have CSE markers. Straight to 'High Risk'..despite being eleventy telfth time she's done a runner to an unknown mates the past month. Will then phone 999 herself at 02:00 as she has no taxi fare home from wherever she is.
 

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