The perils of Tit Monday…

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by trickywoo, Apr 18, 2008.

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  1. I was on the pop last night at a reunion bash and this morning I find myself suffering from a severe case of Hangover Horn. This means that coming up on the A23 thorough my ’hood, my homies were more than usually of interest to me. Since Tit Monday last week, the lasses have been more fruitily dressed and this means trouble for me. You see, you know when they tell you at motorbike school (Motto: You’re gonna get killed but the Government want lots of money before you go”), “Where you look is where the bike will go”? Well, I get that too only with me dick. This means that now I’m all Garmin / Autocom / Blackberry / iPodded up, I’m paying only the barest attention to Her Majesty’s Highway anyway. Add in the fact that my Mighty Mallet is now busy searching for fit lasses and there’s trouble afoot. Not least because after spending 4 years in Africa I happen to think that if you like your ladies majestic and magnetic then ebony women are by far and away the most beautiful. My journey takes me through Brixton, where the most gorgeous of these ladies are for some reason dressed as schoolgirls (6th formers of course, your honour). So, what we’re looking to here is a situation whereby one morning soon I’ll pile headlong into an entire bus queue of schoolgirls. Probably whilst signing along to Abba. What’s worse is I’ve put on quite a bit of weight in the last few years. So, a 19st man, at 40 mph, on a moerse big bike, shedding into a crowd of black schoolgirls. Singing to Abba.



    D’you reckon I could get a sponsorship deal with the BNP?



    One thing I did honestly see this morning – a lad on a moped with a full stereo speaker system listening at top volume to hardcore house music as he farted along at 15 mph, flinging himself around like an epileptic on an electric trampoline. Basically, he’s starring in his own real-life version of Grand Theft Auto and I can but applaud his efforts. I don’t think it’ll work with Fernando though; my speakers are about as much use as a cock flavoured lollypop. Still, I’ll have a go and report back.
     
  2. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    I think you are a fuking preevert and should be locked up. You should be ashamed of yourself, listening to Abba :x
     
  3. What a way to go though...a Viking funeral of our times perhaps?
     
  4. I think you're just being optimistic - but good luck anyway.

    Tit Monday Thread
     
  5. Now that would be worth seeing - Abba at deafening volume blasting out of a pair of motorcycle mounted speakers, a deaf and dumb motorcyclist, arms waving like a semaphorist on acid, mouth moving and a wild mooing noise clashing horribly with the sweet harmonies of "Dancing Queen".



    Or did you mean "singing"?
     
  6. Tit Monday has it's own perils in the workplace too.

    We are currently enjoying temps in the upper 70's and the chickipoos around the office are wearing tiny tops, no midrif shirts, and tiny skirts.
    (They say that looks have no bearing on job hiring which is a crock of crap, I have lottsa nice looking women hanging around).

    Anywhooo, I've been busted a few times scoping the cleavage, svelt tummy's and rounded arrses.

    Almost tripped over yesterday.
     
  7. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    I picked up my daughter from nursery yesterday (staffed with delicious young nanny-types) and somehow got onto the subject of the good weather.

    I happened to mention in passing that Tits Monday had just passed and how things were looking up; queue blank, but polite, questioning looks from said fit fillies . . . .

    "Well, you see, it's that time of year . . . ."

    Queue polite, but appalled looks at each other followed by polite giggles, and yours truly about facing with daughter, full of evil mirth.

    Would it be wrong to bag a nursery worker wot was looking after your child?
     
  8. No Biped, you should look to get maximum value for money from any service (ahem!) you procure...There's a girl at the Fenianette's old pre-school who has fuelled many a Cuddlesian wank-fancy. Why yes, she is ginger and burly! How did you guess?
     
  9. priceless