The Perils of Bum Love

#1
Dear arrse.

Some girl just shat on my knob.

Thought I'd get that out there... A few years ago I asked the infamous question about how a chap does a girl up the wrong'un. Now I'm more acquainted with the fine art of buggery getting it up there isn't the problem, but taking it out is.

She managed to wander off to the loo without noticing that I was sat on her bed with a brown willy. I wiped most of it onto my boxers which was a mistake as I then had to wear them... But before she came back I managed to dash downstairs and wash my cock in the kitchen sink. It was difficult getting the poo off the rim of my helmet and some of it was splattered on my leg too. There were still dried crusty bits there later when we were watching Independence Day. If she had noticed it would have been very awkward, what are the smooth moves one must take if things go wrong? Has anyone else had this happen? Believe it or not this isn't actually a wah.

I can't seem to get rid of the smell either.

Help!

DC
 
#3
The smooth move you must make is to persuade her to gobble it down as if she hasn't eaten in a week.

That way she cleans up her own mess. Dirty bitch.

Sent from my HTC Vision using Tapatalk
 
#7
On holiday? In Portugal by chance?
Do you know Maddie as well then?

Hand her a tissue and get to the toilet first. Simple.
I thought about using a tissue myself but the daft bint didn't have any in her room. I think the trick is to always wear a rubber, that way you can peel it off and turn it inside out and trap all the nasty. Then I could leave it behind her radiator or something.
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
#9
Do you know Maddie as well then?



I thought about using a tissue myself but the daft bint didn't have any in her room. I think the trick is to always wear a rubber, that way you can peel it off and turn it inside out and trap all the nasty. Then I could leave it behind her radiator or something.
That's a good point why the fuck didn't he wear a franger? Getting shit down your japs eye. Eeeww.
 
#11
Dear arrse.

Some girl just shat on my knob.

Thought I'd get that out there... A few years ago I asked the infamous question about how a chap does a girl up the wrong'un. Now I'm more acquainted with the fine art of buggery getting it up there isn't the problem, but taking it out is.

She managed to wander off to the loo without noticing that I was sat on her bed with a brown willy. I wiped most of it onto my boxers which was a mistake as I then had to wear them... But before she came back I managed to dash downstairs and wash my cock in the kitchen sink. It was difficult getting the poo off the rim of my helmet and some of it was splattered on my leg too. There were still dried crusty bits there later when we were watching Independence Day. If she had noticed it would have been very awkward, what are the smooth moves one must take if things go wrong? Has anyone else had this happen? Believe it or not this isn't actually a wah.

I can't seem to get rid of the smell either.

Help!

DC
Ever heard of the concept of a "bath", "shower" or "anti bacterial liquid soap"?
 
#12
Ever heard of the concept of a "bath", "shower" or "anti bacterial liquid soap"?
Yep. I've just had another one, but my problem is the moment directly after. It's a bit embarrassing when you're sitting with a girl who's just laid a log on your knob. Unless of course you're a scat fanatic, in that case crack on.
 
#13
That's a good point why the fuck didn't he wear a franger? Getting shit down your japs eye. Eeeww.
I'm a bit worried I may have caught something actually, what happens if poo goes down your jappy? That'll take some explaining to do at the clinic.
 
#15
Yep. I've just had another one, but my problem is the moment directly after. It's a bit embarrassing when you're sitting with a girl who's just laid a log on your knob. Unless of course you're a scat fanatic, in that case crack on.
You are really a virgin, aren't you?
 
#16
She managed to wander off to the loo without noticing that I was sat on her bed with a brown willy. I wiped most of it onto my boxers which was a mistake as I then had to wear them... But before she came back I managed to dash downstairs and wash my cock in the kitchen sink. It was difficult getting the poo off the rim of my helmet and some of it was splattered on my leg too. There were still dried crusty bits there later when we were watching Independence Day. If she had noticed it would have been very awkward, what are the smooth moves one must take if things go wrong? Has anyone else had this happen? Believe it or not this isn't actually a wah.

I can't seem to get rid of the smell either.

Help!

DC
Dashing Chap -
I hope you remembered that a gentleman always removes any dishes from the sink first.
 
#17
Look cunt just die and slowly.
Ah hello darling, I was wondering when the abuse might start.

You might know a thing or two about this sort of predicament actually, with all due respect of course. Care to offer any advice?
 
#19
Sage words from Jarrod, there! And just to add my two pennies worth.

Shit is sterile when it leaves the bum, but it is a fertile medium for passing microbes to multiply on.

I have said this many times on here, but I will say it again now. Wipe your nob on her hair after any kind of sexual congress. This is not just a matter of hygiene, it is a bonding exercise. Wimmin love it and it helps them to think that you care.

Obviously you need to be tactical about it and wipe on her left if you then intend to sit on her right (and vice versa) whilst watching telly and waiting for the batteries to recharge.

That'll be 25 guineas please.
 
#20
Dashing Chap -
I hope you remembered that a gentleman always removes any dishes from the sink first.
Indeed I did sir, and that's precisely why I left them there.

I advise not to accept any invitations to dinner from anyone in Finsbury.
 

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