The perfect toastie

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by CDT_Dodger, Mar 7, 2008.

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  1. Advice needed please.

    My attempts at making toasties always fall at the last hurdle. Every time I make them the cheese always squirts out the sides during the final phase of toasting. Im left with a flat toastie with only ham and brown sauce as the filling. To make matters worse the cheese dribbles down into all the cracks of the toastie machine and is a right cnut to clean when it cools down.

    Ive tried swapping the cheese and ham around with ham on top of the cheese or cheese on top of the ham. Both tactics fail with cheese snotters on all four sides. Could it be the toastie machine? It only cost a few quid from Lidle. Its one of those that makes two so you use four rounds of bread and it also cuts it down the midle so im left with 4 triangle shaped toasties.

    After reading a few other scoff related threads about full english breckies etc.. I thought the forums might be swamped with slop jocks offering their culinary tips on toastie techniques and fillings.

  2. As alien as a Polar Bear giving advice on a cross stitch forum I'd guess.

    Anyway, dont use a puffy toastie machine. Go back to basics and toast the bread under the grill. Just use industrial staples to hold the sides down.
  3. "Cheese Toastie problems" - a metaphor for something else perhaps?!

    (Yes it's a slow day)
  4. ARRSE is going downhill. Today we've had Bangon banging on, Hardnut redesigning a rifle and now Delia Smith. I must check the phase of the Moon, something strange is happening.
  5. Well spotted! :D
  6. avoiding the WAH here's some tips, firstly instead of using a 500gram block of cheese on each slice of bread (thus avoiding those messy "spillages") there is the latest "cutting edge" device its called a KNIFE" slice the cheese into more manageable "slices" place these "slices" onto your bread and THEN into your toastie machine, finally beat your self to death with said toastie machine !!! amazingly saving myself and others valuable drinking time in explaining this billy basics advice to a common sense approach....dear God Almighty
  7. Years of serving crap to drunks in pubs have left me with the arcane knowledge to answer your question.
    Firstly,grate the cheese. Then butter the bread on both sides. make the tosty with about a small handfull of cheese,spreadfairly evenly over the ham,but leaving an edge of about half an inch all round. This edge has to be buttered. Place it on the hotplate,which should be hot,and put the lid down. Then leave it for a good while.If you lift the lid to check how its doing,the seal gets broken. when the timer goes "bing" whack it out onto a plate,put a bit of manky lettuce and half a tom on the side,and serve
    Hope this helps
  8. luckily for my sanity I dont do that anymore
  9. Flasheart has a point,though I prefer frying the lot in a good half inch of lard. I dont eat this crap myself you understand,just used to serve it to drunks. And drunks like grease and chilli sauce

  10. You need to read the W@nking is good for you thread... and get your Doris to do the toasties.
  11. maguire

    maguire LE Book Reviewer

    the trick, if you use Kraft cheese slices, is to use 1 sliced into 4 quarters, otherwise theyres too much melted cheese and yes, it will go everywhere.
  12. To stop leaks smear dogshit around the edges rendering it cheeseproof. Or get a Tena Lady pad and cook it wrapped in that.
  13. Whats the idea of slapping butter round the half inch gap on inside slice?
  14. Toasties seal by frying the bread under pressure. It frys much better in butter than if you try to just heat seal the edges
  15. I feel that I know too much on this subject.
    I do do proper cooking too,its just I was interested in why pub toasties were so uniformly crap,and basically Read The Fu cking Manual.
    Admittedly it was an old manual,came with the pro toastie machine in the pub but...
    anyhow,thats why