The perfect murder

#41
Garrote your chosen victim.

Then dress the corpse in tights and a bra with an power lead round the neck and head in a plastic bag and don't forget to stuff an orange in his gob.
 

Grumblegrunt

LE
Book Reviewer
#42
There was a Horizon which covered this. They talked to lots of experts and the like.

The basic premise is:
Heavy cone shaped item made of ice as Murder weapon. That way it melts and there is no murder weapon.
Put
Body (chopped up or not) in a soloution of Biological washing powder and heated gently for 24 Hours will only leave bones.
Bones can be desolved in a acid bath.

All the liquids go down the drain, so within a few days all evidence is gone.
hair and teeth, didnt they catch one because the acid didnt disolve the fillings?
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
#45
Wrap the body up in chain link fencing and dump it out at sea. Or out in a state forest 6' under with about 1' layer of concrete over the body.
 
M

MrsBee

Guest
#46
Buzz, I'm actually starting to worry about your vast knowledge on killing *gulp*

< runs and hides behind curtain>
 
#49
I have heard (from TV) that one of the perfect murders is to shoot someone with a sniper rifle that has no connection to you. You can get rid of the body all you want, destroy the evidence, but usually it seems there is a reason for you killing that person - Money / Cheated on you / stole your porn collection.

And who would you murder? Man, woman, old, young, Tim Westwood?
 
#50
Lure drunk victim who you have been flirting with in the pub down side street, stab him with pocket knife start yelling rape, skid your knees accros the concrete to skuff them up punch self in face rip tights and dress. Job done.
That might go a bit wrong after you're spotted by the police on CCTV 5 mins before leading him out of the pub with his hands in your knickers.
 
#51
Murder the wife. Piece of piss really. I just reverse over her with the wagon while reversing. Sorry guv and all that freak accident she was just watching that back corner for me i didnt know she had moved around there i was looking in that mirror etc: H &S throw book at you and youre sorted ;)
 

skid2

LE
Book Reviewer
#52
Not foolproof but statistically it seems to be a goer. If you're going to shoot them, volunteer to be the one firing from the grassy knoll.
 
#53
Has anyone mentioned the following?

A well drilled section, one driver, two in the rear of a long wheel base sprinter, which is covered in plastic sheeting. Operatives dressed in DPM noddy suits, one following subject when subject arrives at RV, snatch happens.

Foxtrot oscour towards RV point.

Subject then dispatched in a method of your choosing.

Disposle is wheelie bin lots of
Bleach amd a six foot deep hole, at this piont I hope I brought along a few sappers in my team.

Pour the bleach till the wheelie bin is nearly filled then refill hole in ground, sappers the returf and plant IED's

Job jobbed
What happens when Paul from the RAF advert spots four insurgents and an IED, and directs a Tornado at you? And is the bloke following the target also wearing a DPM noddy suit? It might stand out a bit.

I have heard (from TV) that one of the perfect murders is to shoot someone with a sniper rifle that has no connection to you. You can get rid of the body all you want, destroy the evidence, but usually it seems there is a reason for you killing that person - Money / Cheated on you / stole your porn collection.

And who would you murder? Man, woman, old, young, Tim Westwood?
I'm torn on whether Westwood deserves death or should be kept around for comic value.
 
#55
Nah, you said stop he didn't. Then it turned nasty.
If you wanted him to stop, then why didn't you say a No that meant No, not a No that actually meant yes? It's the same as the old "Stop it"! Generally happens when female is in the mood for love, but there's other people around!

And hopefully the lights from the bar won't reflect the snail trail running down you leg and show it on the CCTV and the fact you were sooo horny, you were shaking like Michael J Fox licking a car battery.

P.s. Tim Westwood deserves to die. Who ever tried to shoot him a few years ago needs shooting themselves, for doing such a bad job of it.
 
#57
If you wanted him to stop, then why didn't you say a No that meant No, not a No that actually meant yes? It's the same as the old "Stop it"! Generally happens when female is in the mood for love, but there's other people around!

And hopefully the lights from the bar won't reflect the snail trail running down you leg and show it on the CCTV and the fact you were sooo horny, you were shaking like Michael J Fox licking a car battery.

P.s. Tim Westwood deserves to die. Who ever tried to shoot him a few years ago needs shooting themselves, for doing such a bad job of it.
Don't diss our Tim, he worked his way up from the streets.

After his heartless farther the Bishop of Peterborough left him at the age of 3 to be raised by his crack addict prostitute mother.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#58
Don't diss our Tim, he worked his way up from the streets.

After his heartless farther the Bishop of Peterborough left him at the age of 3 to be raised his crack addict prostitute mother.
Am going to regret this, but who the feck is Tim Westwood?
 
#60
Here - Let me google that for you

Basically he's a 54 year old male that loves hip hop (nothing really wrong with that) buts tends to talk like a 15 year old black kid from Compton. Might be best to Youtube the annoying twat.

But on the subject of perfect murder - If you did kill him, would the CPS do you for it? After all, you've done society a favour!
 

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