The perfect murder

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by mcflurry, Sep 8, 2012.

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  1. I've just been watching Dexter and it got me thinking: how would you do it?

    Dissolved in acid? Bottom of the ocean? Buried in an unmarked grave somewhere in the mountains?
     
  2. Thermite burn pit.
     
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  3. I have always thought that the best place to dispose of a corpse would be in a graveyard.

    Surprised that our murdering brethren haven't worked that one out yet.
     
  4. Attic, New Addington.
     
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  5. Two bodies in one grave?

    Mafia did that in the states.

    It helped to own the funeral home of course.
     
  6. We have been here before and I think the combined brain pool came up with something like.

    Wrap the body in fine mesh steel net which is held shut with steel wire, then use chains and padlocks to weigh the whole thing down and over the side in the deepest bit of sea water you can find.

    It won't float to the surface and when it rots the bits that float off will be very small and eaten by the sea life and the bones will stay on the ocean floor even when the wire mesh eventually rusts away.

    Or just have access to a herd of hungry pigs and a about a weeks spare time.
     
  7. Get your victims to drive to a remote part of France near the border for example. Shoot the lot of them in the head and just casually cross the border. Will take the french police ages to think that you left france. By that time youre well on your way with the familys cash which you robbed from their house and living in Northern Cyprus.

    Job Jobbed
     
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  8. Something along those lines.

    Many a time I have wandered around a cemetery and seen graves dug and waiting for a forthcoming internment, this could be utilised under cover of darkness maybe.

    And in cemeteries like Highgate and Brookwood there are shitloads of above ground vaults that can be accessed without too much difficulty.

    Not that I have ever done so you understand.

    Not me.
     
  9. I'd contract HIV, strike up a relationship and bone the fcuker. Everyone's a winner!





    No, wait......
     
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  10. 60's brutalist architecture presents many a hidey hole for a dead body as you have areas of dead space no one ever looks in.

    They believe there are a couple of blokes under Spaghetti Junction as well.
     
  11. Put your corpse behind the desk of the 'customer services' department in your local Vodafone store. It'll take years before anyone realises the fuckers dead and no one will know the difference.
     
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  12. Same thing was said about Thelwall viaduct and the Barton bridge on the M60. Plenty of waste pipes and overflows on the Manchester Ship Canal to hide a body. Used to drag at least one a week out of the basin near Salford Quays.
     
  13. Disused mines? Take them right deep in there and leave them. If it collapses, they'll not be found, and who's in a hurry to go into old mines in the first place? No-one will stumble upon them and since they're big you can fit loads of stuff in there.
     
  14. There was a case on real CSI about 10 years ago. A guy murdered his bird in the US, then puts her in the freezer for about 2 weeks, so she's frozen solid. He cut her arms, legs and head off with a chainsaw, leaving no blood splatter as she was frozen. He hired a tree cutter and took it to a bridge late one night. he put her through the tree cutter (still frozen) and had it spraying her in to the local river. He then took the chainsaw apart and throught every tiny piece in to the river.

    He was caught, but only because a car drove past him using the tree shredding machine at 2am on the bridge in the middle of no-where and reported it to the police. The police searched the river for about 3 days, managing to find one tiny piece of her tooth and matched the DNA to a hairbrush / toothbrush / similar at the house. If the car hadn't of driven past, he would have got away with it! As long as he could keep his cool, as guessing he'd be the main suspect anyway, but no body, no evidence of murder!
     
  15. I do know the bloke that runs Woking Crematorium, ex donkey walloper and a very nice bloke.