The path of self destruction. Why can't some blokes avoid it?

Tool

LE
It is actually part of ADHD. (Don’t fall into the trap of thinking AdHD is only kids and involves running around a lot.)

restlessness and self destructive behaviour trying to get a high is why an awful lot of people with ADHD end up drinking, doing drugs, gambling, cheating etc etc.
Not quite. "Trying to get a high" is a bit misleading. A lack of self-control means ADHD people are more likely to dabble in drugs/booze etc, and it's a slippery slope from there.
 
Not quite. "Trying to get a high" is a bit misleading. A lack of self-control means ADHD people are more likely to dabble in drugs/booze etc, and it's a slippery slope from there.
They lack self control due to the desire to take risks to get a dopamine high. There’s also the link with adhd and low self esteem which in itself creates huge problems.

there’s a link between self destructive behaviour and ADHD. There’s also a link between self destructive behaviour and a whole host of other things.

I’ve battled with depression, low self esteem, anxiety and to a certain extent risky behaviour.

It wasn’t until recently that we had our son diagnosed for autism that the paediatrician also said that within 30 seconds she’d also identified he had severe ADHD. She decided after 3 minutes of talking to me that I had it as well in my 40s.

since I started medication, the depression has all but gone (no longer to I drive into work most mornings and think ‘if that artic coming head on were to loose control and go into me, it wouldn’t be all to bad) but it’s stopped my mind racing.

I look back at how many relationships I’ve ruined over the years through cocking behaviour, how it’s impacted on my career because I couldn’t hold back the cutting remark to seniors I held in little respect, and it’s made me a better person for it.

Obviously I’m now going through a massive period of regret. My time in the mob could’ve been more successful along with a whole host of things. That’s what eating me up at the moment. Realising what could’ve been or where I could be.

thwres a whole host of reasons out there.

thankfully though, we now seem to live in a situation whereby we’re able to talk about all of these things.

I had a cousin who was always a bit ditzy. Very artistic.

iy wasn’t until she was 48 when she blocked off the Corstophine Road which is one of the main routes into and out of Edinburgh, in Rush hour picking up bits of imaginary broken glass that could hurt children that she found out she was Bi-polar.
 
Obviously I’m now going through a massive period of regret. My time in the mob could’ve been more successful along with a whole host of things. That’s what eating me up at the moment. Realising what could’ve been or where I could be.

There is little point in regret, you can't change the past

I was told 25 years ago I have ASPD and I suspect it took me at least 5 years to understand what that meant
After that it was least another decade before I realised I need to make adjustments to deal with it and I've spent the last 10 years learning how to behave in a conventional manner

It isn't the end of the world, I've upset the odd person along the way but I can't change it
Nor can you, its done. You can only move forward

Most people have the odd hiccup on their way through life, the fortunate ones learn from it and adjust accordingly
All part of growing up, some of just take a bit longer to do so
 

giatttt

War Hero
I spent my entire childhood and much of my adult life trying to prove myself to my parents. It was only when I started marriage guidance counseling recently that I realised how messed up my childhood had been. I hadn't realised that having no friends was not normal - my mum had been like Hyacinth Bouquet on steroids, I could only play with people who were possessed of parents she would welcome an invitation to afternoon tea from. Living in possibly the most depressed ex-mining village in Scotland made for a solitary life. Even after we moved to a less depressed area being sent out of the house to 'play' (I subsequently discovered that as the eldest I was blamed for the miscarriage that followed me) nothing changed because the friends I found had unsuitable parentage.

I actively discouraged friendships because I knew I could never invite them back to my house. I destroyed so many potentially fantastic relationships by pushing people away even though my mum was miles and years away. Right through university and employment across the UK, I was a cluster f*ck.

Nearly 60 and I can honestly say that I have never known anyone that might ask me out for a beer.

Oh, to add my dad was an ex 16Bde para signaller with severe small man syndrome. Everything could be fixed with superior violence.
 

Biggish

Old-Salt
I spent my entire childhood and much of my adult life trying to prove myself to my parents. It was only when I started marriage guidance counseling recently that I realised how messed up my childhood had been. I hadn't realised that having no friends was not normal - my mum had been like Hyacinth Bouquet on steroids, I could only play with people who were possessed of parents she would welcome an invitation to afternoon tea from. Living in possibly the most depressed ex-mining village in Scotland made for a solitary life. Even after we moved to a less depressed area being sent out of the house to 'play' (I subsequently discovered that as the eldest I was blamed for the miscarriage that followed me) nothing changed because the friends I found had unsuitable parentage.

I actively discouraged friendships because I knew I could never invite them back to my house. I destroyed so many potentially fantastic relationships by pushing people away even though my mum was miles and years away. Right through university and employment across the UK, I was a cluster f*ck.

Nearly 60 and I can honestly say that I have never known anyone that might ask me out for a beer.

Oh, to add my dad was an ex 16Bde para signaller with severe small man syndrome. Everything could be fixed with superior violence.
Possibly the bravest thing I’ve read on here.
I’d buy you a beer mate.

Edited to add:

Have you ever written this before? I hope you’ve achieved at least some cathartic relief just by posting.
 
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Reading a few of the latest posts it makes you realise just how tough some people have it in their lives even if they can't see that themselves.
 

Mr_Baiter

War Hero
I spent my entire childhood and much of my adult life trying to prove myself to my parents. It was only when I started marriage guidance counseling recently that I realised how messed up my childhood had been. I hadn't realised that having no friends was not normal - my mum had been like Hyacinth Bouquet on steroids, I could only play with people who were possessed of parents she would welcome an invitation to afternoon tea from. Living in possibly the most depressed ex-mining village in Scotland made for a solitary life. Even after we moved to a less depressed area being sent out of the house to 'play' (I subsequently discovered that as the eldest I was blamed for the miscarriage that followed me) nothing changed because the friends I found had unsuitable parentage.

I actively discouraged friendships because I knew I could never invite them back to my house. I destroyed so many potentially fantastic relationships by pushing people away even though my mum was miles and years away. Right through university and employment across the UK, I was a cluster f*ck.

Nearly 60 and I can honestly say that I have never known anyone that might ask me out for a beer.

Oh, to add my dad was an ex 16Bde para signaller with severe small man syndrome. Everything could be fixed with superior violence.

Wow - I reckon writing all that down must have taken a bit of doing.

It is never too late - pick something you like doing and join a group. Shared interests make breaking the ice a lot easier.

I'm lucky enough to have a few old and close friends around me but during lockdown and with isolation setting in I joined a walking group for socially distanced walks just to keep doing something. It has led to some good and growing friendships which I value.

And, like others on here I'd go for a beer with you - where are you based?
 

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