The path of self destruction. Why can't some blokes avoid it?

Happy POETS day gents.
As per the title of this thread, i've started this thread on this forum because there probably isn't a single member who hasn't witnessed this in one form or another, but just what causes perfectly normal blokes to self destruct, and go in to a full on melt down?
A good mate of mine has just split up with his wife of thirty years because he wont stop accusing her of seeing other men.
He has even tried to trap her in a honey trap type of scenario.
Everyone had tried to convince him that there was no way that his wife would cheat on him - even his mum and dad thought that he was just being paranoid.
Alas, this honey trap that he arranged for his wife, whilst she was working away, was the final straw for her. And she has now left him.
I don't know whether he is suffering from some sort of mental illness but her leaving him has reinforced his belief that she is cheating on him.
And this is what he is now telling everyone. Yet not a single person who knows them believes that she would cheat on him.
 
There's lots of ways to have a melt/breakdown, and often you're so gradually wrapped up in something that you can't see it coming. This is when if good mates tell you something you gotta listen to them.
 
The biggest self-destruct that I have seen in many a year in the military is, without a doubt, the loopy-juice.

Sure, blokes / girls will get themselves into all manner of marital strife, or financial turmoil, or whatever. But you could add all of these together and it wouldn't amount to 10% of the booze-induced trouble that our little cherubs get themselves into.
 
Drink doesn’t make you violent that’s the message churned out over the last decade or so.
training or an aggressive nature may make you violent
insecurity or paranoia can lead to that moment
Although a Glasgow kiss is very satisfying when done richt ensuring a good ficht leading to post rammy repercussions
 
Low testosterone is a silent killer among many men and not a variable many consider as causal of a deterioration in mental health and wellbeing.
I've never really considered that low testosterone could be his problem mate.
I initially thought that he was maybe going though some sort of mid life crises.
But apart from the constant accusations against his wife, I can't see anything else off hand that makes me suspect that he is suffering a mental breakdown but at the same time, I dunno what else it could be if I'm honest.
We both do a similar job, and as far as I know he is still working as per normal.
I just don't get it. Apart from the paranoia about his wife, he hasn't changed one little bit.
 
The technical term is "ego preservation", the classic example is you do no study or training for an upcoming exam or test then if you fail it your ego is protected with the excuse "it's not because I'm stupid or weak, I just couldn't be bothered". Another term is "self-sabotaging" which is the same sort of thing, it's a way of protecting the mind from confronting that failing at something might be a sign of your own shortcomings - even if those shortcomings aren't real and you are perfectly capable if you just applied yourself. Some people just get stuck in this behaviour pattern and gradually use it for bigger and bigger things until it's actually destroying significant things like marriages or careers/businesses.
 
There's lots of ways to have a melt/breakdown, and often you're so gradually wrapped up in something that you can't see it coming. This is when if good mates tell you something you gotta listen to them.
Absolutely.
 
There's lots of ways to have a melt/breakdown, and often you're so gradually wrapped up in something that you can't see it coming. This is when if good mates tell you something you gotta listen to them.


Piss off you lying old tart.......



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The technical term is "ego preservation", the classic example is you do no study or training for an upcoming exam or test then if you fail it your ego is protected with the excuse "it's not because I'm stupid or weak, I just couldn't be bothered". Another term is "self-sabotaging" which is the same sort of thing, it's a way of protecting the mind from confronting that failing at something might be a sign of your own shortcomings - even if those shortcomings aren't real and you are perfectly capable if you just applied yourself. Some people just get stuck in this behaviour pattern and gradually use it for bigger and bigger things until it's actually destroying significant things like marriages or businesses.
Great post mate. Thank you. I shall do some research.
I always thought that mental illness affected the person physically as well. Not necessarily in something that would be obvious, but in something...
 

DaManBugs

LE
Book Reviewer
,,, but just what causes perfectly normal blokes to self destruct, and go in to a full on melt down?
You mention "perfectly normal" as if it's a category with a finite definition. It's not. What your man there is "suffering" from is hurt masculine pride, nothing more.

That's what happens when you come to regard your life partner as a personal possession who's there to boost your fragile ego. The basic demands of such fellas, in that case, are always the same - with varying degrees of intensity: you will treat me as the absolutely only man for you; you will not look or glance at other men; you will not display any part of your body to other men (in public); you will not speak to other men; you will continually tell me that my wedding tackle is the best you've ever encountered, but above all, you will regard me as the most competent lover you've ever been with and you will NEVER compare me with previous boyfriends (which, in extreme cases can be a death sentence for the woman).

Unfortunately, many men are reluctant to even articulate what they truly feel (sometimes even to themselves) for fear of being thought of as "less manly" (which actually translates to "less superior") by their partners.

Those genes really have a lot to answer for.:smile:

MsG
 
You mention "perfectly normal" as if it's a category with a finite definition. It's not. What your man there is "suffering" from is hurt masculine pride, nothing more.

That's what happens when you come to regard your life partner as a personal possession who's there to boost your fragile ego. The basic demands of such fellas, in that case, are always the same - with varying degrees of intensity: you will treat me as the absolutely only man for you; you will not look or glance at other men; you will not display any part of your body to other men (in public); you will not speak to other men; you will continually tell me that my wedding tackle is the best you've ever encountered, but above all, you will regard me as the most competent lover you've ever been with and you will NEVER compare me with previous boyfriends (which, in extreme cases can be a death sentence for the woman).

Unfortunately, many men are reluctant to even articulate what they truly feel (sometimes even to themselves) for fear of being thought of as "less manly" (which actually translates to "less superior") by their partners.

Those genes really have a lot to answer for.:smile:

MsG
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Great post mate. Thank you. I shall do some research.
I always thought that mental illness affected the person physically as well. Not necessarily in something that would be obvious, but in something...

It can go all the way back to childhood. Such as if a child is constantly praised for being clever, they come to associate their self-worth with external recognition of that cleverness, and as adults they are terrified of being put in a situation where they might be revealed as not clever at all. In reality no-one really would think less of someone for failing an exam if they had tried their best, and dusted themselves off and had another go, but these associations are formed at a subconscious level and are not under an individuals direct control. So this person becomes a slacker, chins off their degree or whatever, then just sort of drifts through life never risking anything. Everyone knows a kid in school that everyone was sure would become a high flyer but never seemed to manage it...

In the case of your mate he could be worried about being unloveable so he destroyed the relationship so in his own mind he could say to himself, I could have made it work, I just didn't want to. It's complicated stuff and not easy to even recognise those behaviours in yourself, let alone unpick them.
 
You mention "perfectly normal" as if it's a category with a finite definition. It's not. What your man there is "suffering" from is hurt masculine pride, nothing more.

That's what happens when you come to regard your life partner as a personal possession who's there to boost your fragile ego. The basic demands of such fellas, in that case, are always the same - with varying degrees of intensity: you will treat me as the absolutely only man for you; you will not look or glance at other men; you will not display any part of your body to other men (in public); you will not speak to other men; you will continually tell me that my wedding tackle is the best you've ever encountered, but above all, you will regard me as the most competent lover you've ever been with and you will NEVER compare me with previous boyfriends (which, in extreme cases can be a death sentence for the woman).

Unfortunately, many men are reluctant to even articulate what they truly feel (sometimes even to themselves) for fear of being thought of as "less manly" (which actually translates to "less superior") by their partners.

Those genes really have a lot to answer for.:smile:

MsG
That's an interesting opinion that you have there bugsy, one that certain members of a certain faith seem to suffer from.
 
The blokes I don’t understand are the ones on their 3rd or 4th marriage - I believe the record amongst my peer group is 5 marriages. WTF - mental!
 
Happy POETS day gents.
As per the title of this thread, i've started this thread on this forum because there probably isn't a single member who hasn't witnessed this in one form or another, but just what causes perfectly normal blokes to self destruct, and go in to a full on melt down?
A good mate of mine has just split up with his wife of thirty years because he wont stop accusing her of seeing other men.
He has even tried to trap her in a honey trap type of scenario.
Everyone had tried to convince him that there was no way that his wife would cheat on him - even his mum and dad thought that he was just being paranoid.
Alas, this honey trap that he arranged for his wife, whilst she was working away, was the final straw for her. And she has now left him.
I don't know whether he is suffering from some sort of mental illness but her leaving him has reinforced his belief that she is cheating on him.
And this is what he is now telling everyone. Yet not a single person who knows them believes that she would cheat on him.
I almost became a practicing social worker after doing a course at Uni and mental health can affect anyone who has a difficult, or highly stressful event in their lives and it can be something as simple as a neglected child.

Your friend; has he let himself go, fading career, or even the missus is suddenly doing well at work or at the gym and making progress herself. The destruction is not the external factor, but a weakness within and to avoid mental health becoming more serious, involves a heavy dose of honesty with yourself.
 
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