A squaddie was posted to a desert location miles from civilisation. His sergeant greeted him and told him that 'we have everything here lad, beer, lager, food, good tents so I want no complaints. After a month the squaddie spoke to the sergeant telling him he was miserable as he was missing his girl friend and the sex! The sergeant told him that there were no women for miles but had he visited the ostrich? 'What Ostrich' asked the squaddie, 'The one that sticks it's head in the sand under the palm trees over there! Go when it's dark and the moon is up, drop your pants grab her by the wings and mount her, just like a woman!' said the sergeant! Next morning at roll, the squaddie is AWOL. 'Anyone seen him?' asked the sergeant and with a negative answer, the surrounding area was searched but no sign of the squaddie. About 1300hrs a bedraggled figure staggered in from the desert, tattered and bleeding. 'Where the hell have you been!' bawled the sergeant. 'You and your fxcking ostrich!' said the squaddie. 'I did what you said, got mounted and it was as you told me 'just like a woman!' Then suddenly, it took it's head out of the sand looked at me then took off! I was alright for the the first ten miles then I got out of step!'