The offside rule explained for girls...

#1
You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire.

Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.

She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes. You would be onside.

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes. You would still be onside.

Always remembering that until the purse has *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper. If you were in front of the other shopper when the purse is thrown you would be offside.
 
#2
fantastic!

Could you now do a 'Business Continuity Plan' for total airheads please
 
#3
Offside rule for women is easy.

Sink, woman in front of sink - onside.

Woman moves away from sink- offside

Woman moves back to sink - onside

Woman does not move back to sink - booking

Woman throws teddy / soap / sink - red card
 
#4
Forces_Sweetheart said:
You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire.

Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.

She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes. You would be onside.

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes. You would still be onside.

Always remembering that until the purse has *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper. If you were in front of the other shopper when the purse is thrown you would be offside.
Nope. don't get it. Could you put that in footballing terms please?
 

diplomat

War Hero
Book Reviewer
#5
What's this rubbish about a purse anyway?

Won't your partner provide you with an account at a decent shoe shop? Tight bas---d!!!
 
#7
What a mate!
 
#8
The easiest way to explain offside rule-

Whenever Ruud Van Nistleroy scores.. he is OFFSIDE!
 
#10
For Rugby.

Woman at sink, partner watches rugby - onside

Woman leaves sink, partner watches rugby, woman complains - offside

Woman tries to grab TV control - booking

Woman changes channel, Mr Hand meets Mrs back-of-head - sent off
 
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