The offside rule explained for girls...

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Forces_Sweetheart, Feb 6, 2006.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.

    The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire.

    Both of you have forgotten your purses.

    It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

    The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

    Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.

    She prepares to throw her purse to you.

    If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes. You would be onside.

    At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes. You would still be onside.

    Always remembering that until the purse has *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper. If you were in front of the other shopper when the purse is thrown you would be offside.
     
  2. fantastic!

    Could you now do a 'Business Continuity Plan' for total airheads please
     
  3. Offside rule for women is easy.

    Sink, woman in front of sink - onside.

    Woman moves away from sink- offside

    Woman moves back to sink - onside

    Woman does not move back to sink - booking

    Woman throws teddy / soap / sink - red card
     
  4. Nope. don't get it. Could you put that in footballing terms please?
     
  5. diplomat

    diplomat War Hero Book Reviewer

    What's this rubbish about a purse anyway?

    Won't your partner provide you with an account at a decent shoe shop? Tight bas---d!!!
     
  6. I still don't get it :(
     
  7. What a mate!
     
  8. The easiest way to explain offside rule-

    Whenever Ruud Van Nistleroy scores.. he is OFFSIDE!
     
  9. Can you do one for rugby please
     
  10. For Rugby.

    Woman at sink, partner watches rugby - onside

    Woman leaves sink, partner watches rugby, woman complains - offside

    Woman tries to grab TV control - booking

    Woman changes channel, Mr Hand meets Mrs back-of-head - sent off
     
  11. Any man who allows a woman within 10 feet of the TV control in the middle of a rugby match, needs his head examining.