The Office Mong

#1
Apparently I am a bad person.

We have a mong in the buliding. He doesn't do anything important, sort of works for the mailroom and does generally mong duties. Last week the weather around here was pretty bad, so much so many of the ferries were off, thus isolating said mong from his monghouse on a pennisula.

The local ferry company thought they could make one last crossing, so mong boards vessels and they slip out into the deep brown sea. The poor Master had got in badly wrong and about twenty minutes later, they're back against the wall, pax disembarked. So mong bounds into the office complaining about not being able to get home

My problem was that I suggested I take mong boy home, now I wasn't going to rape him, I wasn't going to beat him up (frankly, he'd take me), I was going to chuck him out the car, at speed in one of the more isolated Scottish glens I would have to have passed on my way to his house. No-one knew this was my cunning plan and for some strange reason they didn't understand me humour.


Once again the ferry operator comes good and offers them a bus. Unfortunately he got on the transport and made it home. Such a wasted opportunity.
 
#2
You are a very bad person. But then, seeing as you are a grubby matelot deviant I am not surprised.

I bet you were dying to bury yourself up to your backwheels in him, weren't you? Being bummed by the Booties from the FPG at Faslane not any fun anymore?

I hope you at least stapled his lower lip to his forehead, and stuck a carrot on a stick, just out of reach of his mouth, before handcuffing him to a shopping trolley outside Lidl.

Anyway, you were happy, you got to drive the frigging sunshine bus the ferry company laid on didn't you?
 
#3
You should have taken the office mong home with you, Just imagine all the fun your minifish could have had with him after you have taped him up with duct tape.

Instant bouncy castle, great.

Now where can I find one. Do you think they will notice if I steal one from asda. Tempt them away with donuts and stickies???

T-T
 
#4
Ting-Tong said:
You should have taken the office mong home with you, Just imagine all the fun your minifish could have had with him after you have taped him up with duct tape.

Instant bouncy castle, great.

Now where can I find one. Do you think they will notice if I steal one from asda. Tempt them away with donuts and stickies???

T-T
I like the way you think, Ting-Tong. Seriously, though, such a creature could prove invaluable in the home. If you have children, however, castration may be necessary. Then you'd have a loyal house-mong. He could fetch beers, and even serve as a makeshift ashtray. And you could feed him any roaches or rodents who happen to share your dwelling. Instant pest control. With proper training, he could even be taught such household tasks as cleaning the toilet (by tongue, of course). And your mong could provide endless amusement during holidays. You'll shriek with laughter as you watch your mong "bob for french fries" at Halloween. And you'll howl with glee when you see your mong fall for practical jokes such as "the razor blade in the pudding." :twisted:
 
#5
Yet more from the office mong.

I was in having my morning crap, and sitting comfortably enjoying a few minutes away from the dull inanity that is my existence. When I hear the door slamming someone mumbling to themselves and the next trap's lock sliding across.

Mongboy then proceeds to cough up flem and hacking it into the apparently unflushed loo, queue more noises. The most unpleasant bit is when he is having his turd he starts to make those massive sighs of satisaction a la bisto adverts. A little difficult to concentrate on my masterbation when all this hoo haa is going on next door.

I can only assume he had finished as he starts to rip sheets and sheet of bog roll. Not just once, not twice... four bloody times. He is a wee fat mongster as TT correctly alluded but he arrse cannot be that big!

Fcuk it says I, and gets out my mid morning break runined.
 
#6
fish-head said:
Apparently I am a bad person.

We have a mong in the buliding. He doesn't do anything important, sort of works for the mailroom and does generally mong duties.


I am in charge of my companies post room and I disagree that I do not do anything important, in fact our mail room is the hub of this office and without the little cogs turning the big cogs would stop. I have never looked apon myself as a mong doing this job and have had stand up fights with the arrseholes who are detrimental to my staff. There I've had my rant, must go have to post letters.
 
#7
To train your mong, you could use one of those electro-shock dog collars, or a simple pellet gun could do. If it's not too disgusting, and you're drunk enough, your mong could even serve as a sexual outlet. You'll need a sturdy pair of pliers to yank those teeth out though, in the event your mong has a seizure mid-suck. If it's a male, and you're drunk enough, sh*t, just flip him over, put a wig on the back of his head, and pretend he's a she.
 
#8
intothesilk2 said:
I am in charge of my companies post room and I disagree that I do not do anything important, in fact our mail room is the hub of this office and without the little cogs turning the big cogs would stop. I have never looked apon myself as a mong doing this job and have had stand up fights with the arrseholes who are detrimental to my staff. There I've had my rant, must go have to post letters.
You miss my point, he IS a mong, big cranium (funny pattern on it), walks slightly funny and has the IQ of say someone who works in a mailroom.

Get a job you like mongboy!
 
#9
intothesilk2 said:
I am in charge of my companies post room and I disagree that I do not do anything important, in fact our mail room is the hub of this office and without the little cogs turning the big cogs would stop. I have never looked apon myself as a mong doing this job and have had stand up fights with the arrseholes who are detrimental to my staff. There I've had my rant, must go have to post letters.
Do they let you lick the stamps as well or do you have to wait until you are promoted for that?

Does it count as community service?

Can I play with the franking machine or do I need an engineering degree for that?

Not being sarcastic, I am genuinely interested in a career as a Written method containmet logisitcs empowering operative. Are the wages good? Do i get a company cart? Can I have a hat? Do I have to change my name to Pat?

So many questions.
 
#10
fish-head said:
Yet more from the office mong.

I was in having my morning crap, and sitting comfortably enjoying a few minutes away from the dull inanity that is my existence. When I hear the door slamming someone mumbling to themselves and the next trap's lock sliding across.

Mongboy then proceeds to cough up flem and hacking it into the apparently unflushed loo, queue more noises. The most unpleasant bit is when he is having his turd he starts to make those massive sighs of satisaction a la bisto adverts. A little difficult to concentrate on my masterbation when all this hoo haa is going on next door.

I can only assume he had finished as he starts to rip sheets and sheet of bog roll. Not just once, not twice... four bloody times. He is a wee fat mongster as TT correctly alluded but he arrse cannot be that big!

Fcuk it says I, and gets out my mid morning break runined.
Admit it tossser you have the hots for the office mong, why else would you devote so much of you time to him you fuckin perv, I bet you are even on list 66
 
#11
intothesilk2 said:
I am in charge of my companies post room and I disagree that I do not do anything important, in fact our mail room is the hub of this office and without the little cogs turning the big cogs would stop. I have never looked apon myself as a mong doing this job and have had stand up fights with the arrseholes who are detrimental to my staff. There I've had my rant, must go have to post letters.
Am I wrong in thinking this is a mong?
 
#12
sawdusty said:
intothesilk2 said:
I am in charge of my companies post room and I disagree that I do not do anything important, in fact our mail room is the hub of this office and without the little cogs turning the big cogs would stop. I have never looked apon myself as a mong doing this job and have had stand up fights with the arrseholes who are detrimental to my staff. There I've had my rant, must go have to post letters.
Am I wrong in thinking this is a mong?
This is a mong.



In other words, mongoloid. It's difficult at first for a yank to grasp this level of humor, but once you do it's fcuking hilarious.
 
#13
YANK60 said:
sawdusty said:
intothesilk2 said:
I am in charge of my companies post room and I disagree that I do not do anything important, in fact our mail room is the hub of this office and without the little cogs turning the big cogs would stop. I have never looked apon myself as a mong doing this job and have had stand up fights with the arrseholes who are detrimental to my staff. There I've had my rant, must go have to post letters.
Am I wrong in thinking this is a mong?
This is a mong.



In other words, mongoloid. It's difficult at first for a yank to grasp this level of humor, but once you do it's fcuking hilarious.
I was shooting for subtle, Brian...
 
#15
YANK60 said:
I haven't quite mastered subtle yet, but I'm working on it.
Take your time. I've worked on it for years. Or perhaps I wasted my time. Oh welll... :D
 
#16
Cracking Post FH
(Is he a Mongol Mong, or terminally weeble like Mong BTW?)
I am highly distressed at the flippant tone and style of Yank60's post. His sort of training is clearly impossible to attain, nor is it socially desireable to confine such intilectually disadvantaged souls from free intercourse with the larger Community.

However the very serious issue of Mong employment and job prospects has now been raised. I think it only right that we try in what ever small way possible to aid in this most noble of quests.
I think on the weight of evidence, that a career in interlocation written communications is just the field for A. Stella. He clearly has devined that he will get his very own cart and it will be a chance for him to don a quasi-official air of "authority", while still giving the outward appearance of a productive role in the larger community.

Perhaps Stella could practice suitable work related comments like "You can not staple the envolopes edges, it damages me machine". Or "sorry the Christmas mail rush has delayed that one". This practice and the obvious desire to perfect his professional skills, would be sure to increase his appeal to both potential "co-workers" as well as Prospective employers in the dynamic field of interlocation written communications.

Now the lack of a Mong like deamenor may be seen by some as a draw back to possible entry in to this highly dynamic field. However I am sure Stella could be able to work on the "Terrets Angle" to a point of complete believability.
Perhaps though a small, but I am sure soon to be recompensed investment in, flares, wooly tank tops, Nylon shirts and Polyester Blue Parka (with the "fur" trimmed hood) for trips to the Post office, would all complete the transformation of Stella to an outstanding piller of the Mong interlocation written communications community.

Any additional thoughts on how we may aid our good friend Auntie Stella in his honest and Heart felt desire to ursue interlocation written communications perfection?
 
#17
Cracking Post FH
(Is he a Mongol Mong, or terminally weeble like Mong BTW?)
I am highly distressed at the flippant tone and style of Yank60's post. His sort of training is clearly impossible to attain, nor is it socially desireable to confine such intilectually disadvantaged souls from free intercourse with the larger Community.

Call me a mong, but WTF are you talking about? I honestly don't know if I've been dissed or complimented. Not that it really matters.
 
#19
He's a mong mong, a proper window licking spaz! He doesn't work on a Wednesday, which doesn't stop the mail getting through.

He's back today and tomorrow is his anniversary in the organisation. Great nine years of paying mongboy £7.50 per week, and he's not worth that.

The bog he shat in on Tuesday seems permenantly blocked, nice aroma there wee guy!

So for his anniversary the guys are taking him to the pub after work. His poison is apparently Stella can you imagine this wee guy drinking wife beater. Whilst having a chat about the possible options for entertaining the scrote, I suggested Hide and Seek. The big advantage of that is we could give him a key to one of the restricted areas and not tell him how to get out. We could go to the pub, leave him locked in the place and feck off to the pub ourselves.

Another other suggestions warmly welcomed.

I will keep you posted, whether you like it or not, on how many times he gets gang raped!
 
#20
Well I have finally taken my mongo baiting too far, well according to the gaylords with whom I have the tragic misfortune to spend my rather dull days.

I light of the current political situation, and to show my support for the Danish diplomatic staff, I decided that my tame mong, who is a regular church goer....

Why is it that you find mongs in a church, all the time. Does God like mongs better or is it that they are the only people daft enough to believe in the existance of a supreme being?

... anyway he is a regular attender in the local church in Pennisula mong. So I decided to teach him that where I come from we don't say church, we say Mosque. Which is not that far from the truth.

Apparently that is not appropriate and I have taken it too far. So they think, in that case, they ain't seen nothing yet.

Edited for mongness
 

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