The Ode to St Eligius

Does anyone know of The Ode to St Eligius?

It is a very tongue in cheek religious reference as to why us REME types are the "sons of God" and how we were placed amongst the rest of the Army to fix their gear.

It starts off by declaring that the Infantry were first, and then came the Armour, who were better than the Inf, and then the Arty, who were better than the RAC, but all their equipment kept breaking, so God decided to send " His only begotten Son - A Craftsman" to fix it all..... etc etc.......

I first heard it when I was in the Falklands in 1990, and the King of the Springs ( ASM J*** R*****) read it as part of his leaving speech.
Also, it was apparently displayed in the Cpls Club in Mansergh Barracks in the late 80's ( where said ASM got it from)

The last sighting was in the Crafty about 1991 / 92ish where I used it when I left 3 RHA in 95 ( it went down a treat, the Arty were cheering like f*** when i read their bit of the poem, but they soon quietened down when the last couple of verses were read).

So, any pointers?

The Gospel according to St Eligius

In the beginning there was chaos and the chaos was the Infantry for they were alone and so afflicted. And fear was with the infantry for they cried unto the Lord, “Save us, for we are afraid”.

And the Lord heard their cries and put some of them on beasts of burden and these he called Cavalry, which later became the Household Cavalry.

But as time past the Infantry and the Household Cavalry again cried out to the Lord, saying “Save us for we are again afraid”. And the Lord said unto them, “Fools! I will send unto you a race of men who are strong in spirit and noble of heart; these men shall be called the Royal Artillery”.

“And when you need light they will light your way with bursting stars in the sky, and when you need cover they will cloak you in clouds of smoke and you will have high explosives when you need them. With fire missions, these and more will be yours”.
And the Lord gave the Artillery big guns and other small pieces such as Striker and the Infantry and the Household Cavalry were jealous for they had so little.

The Lord then gave the Artillery the Nuclear and when the Infantry and the Household Cavalry saw this they fell to their knees in wonder, saying, “Surely he is on the side of the greatest and the greatest is the Artillery”. And the Lord said, “Correct”, for they were correct.

But the greedy Artillery were not satisfied and demanded bigger and better weapons with such noise that even God was heard to cry “Enough!” But he gave them Rapier and the Artillery marvelled at this gift and then went out to play forthwith and they drove exceedingly fast and the Rapier did not work. At this the Infantry and the Household Cavalry laughed because the Artillery began to be afraid.

The cried unto the Lord, “Help us for we are the greatest”. And the Lord gave them Ground to Air Missiles and Blowpipe and Javelin and HVM but there was more chaos and the Infantry and the Household Cavalry continued to laugh with such merriment.
The Artillery felt ridiculed and helpless. “Oh Lord” the cried, “We are not great anymore”. And the Lord marvelled at their humility and said unto them, “I will send you my only begotten son – A Craftsman, for you”.

The Craftsman Christ came down and fixed the Rapier and other mechanical machines with the help of his disciples the RLC who provided the loaves of bread and black boxes of spares and the Rapier worked and the Artillery marvelled.

And so it came to pass that the Lord gave the Artillery and the Infantry and the Household Cavalry a whole workshop with many skills saying, “These are my sons, if you ignore them your Stormers, Rapiers, Rovers, Radios and Rifles will not work”. All three doubted the word of the Lord but soon found it to be true and said, “Surely these men are the greatest”.

“No,” said the Craftsman Christ, “There is one even greater – the Artificer Sergeant Major; he keeps every bastard working!”

If you wish for it in a word doc. PM me but I think that all should read and take heed

I have had it for many moons now. It was posted around the WKSP I was at about 10 or so years ago. Strangely enough it too was an Artillery Wksp as well, they laughed until the truth hit home. I have posted it at every unit since, although it doesn't quite work at a Bn............................
Love it!
Time to engrave it and present it to the mess!

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